Bullies on the school bus. WWYD?

Posted: Fri, Oct 23 2009, 3:27 pm Post subject: Bullies on the school bus. WWYD?

My son started the yellow bus this year for the first time. Every day he comes home and complains that kids hit him, punch him. My son is not aggresive at all. I called the principal and he said school buses are the worst. If he could take his own kids off he would. In the end he said if I knew which specific kids it is he'll talk to them and this experience will toughen up my son. SO it has been a little better but there are days he gets bullied. Although I don't believe in Nekama I told him if a kid puts his hands on you push him away. Nobody is allowed to touch you. So today a kid kicked him numerous times for no reason and my son I guess kicked back until the kid was crying. Would you call the principal to deal with it or approach this kid's mom since he is the one who bullies the most.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 23 2008 Posts: 9074

Today my son came home with a bruise under his eye and a broken straw that his morah gave to him as a prize. What bothers me so much is that I feel I am being punished for raising sweet kids who are not agressive. Yes, I called the principle immediately and he said he would take care of it but why should my first grader be these older boy's punching bag. Yell at me if you want to but I believe it's a brooklyn thing. I didn't grow up here but as soon as I moved here I heard how tough boys yeshivas are here. Is it the water or the fact that parents just don't care?

Today my son came home with a bruise under his eye and a broken straw that his morah gave to him as a prize. What bothers me so much is that I feel I am being punished for raising sweet kids who are not agressive. Yes, I called the principle immediately and he said he would take care of it but why should my first grader be these older boy's punching bag. Yell at me if you want to but I believe it's a brooklyn thing. I didn't grow up here but as soon as I moved here I heard how tough boys yeshivas are here. Is it the water or the fact that parents just don't care?

I'm afraid parents don't care to parent their kids these days. and I get the impression that the schools don't want to deal with those parents.

Mine started sweet too. Then they got bullied too much. Had to teach them survival skills.

Silver Member Joined: Jul 07 2009 Posts: 935

Talk to the principal asap!

HE should resolve this problem, But if you have contact with mama"Bully" I would talk to her in a civial way and explain to her what happened and take it from there. IF she feels hostile or denfensive then expain that this will have to be taken up with the principal

Also can you drive your child to school. I know that this is not always possible but it would help. I was bullied in public middle school for 2 years on the bus . BOys would slam into me jump into the aisles pull my hair curse at me and my friends. It was terrible the only relief I had was when my mom drove me to school when she could. INterestingly enough whenever my mother started to see the bully who lived on my block start trouble she would yell at him to stop and he listened, and this kid was an absolute monster, Stick around the bus stop and talk to the driver about what is going on if you can. I would even go up to the bully and tell him to leave your son alone "Hes not bothering you so you dont bother him...Leave him alone!" YOur not babying your son, this is really your battle not his.

Also if your son is ever approached on the bus in a verbally abusive way tell him to ignore the boys and not to look at them. They enjoy starting fights this way...

It seems your boy is too young too handle this treatment on his own, he does not have to toughen up this is a problem that parents have to get involved in and resolve. I
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Posted: Mon, Nov 02 2009, 10:14 pm Post subject:

sign up your son for karate or other defensive class. He will know how to push away any bully with or without hurting them; plus it will build his self confidence.
I'm glad he started pushing back, hopefully this will keep the bully away.

It's not just Brooklyn. It's a whole bus subculture. If there's a community where there are not issues on the busses, I'd love to know what they do. We've only had bussing about 3-4 years here (since we got a subsidy) and it's like Lord of the Flies on the boys' busses. The girls are just mean and nasty, but the boys are really getting hurt, and they don't want to tell on each other b/c then things are worse. We just had a school meeting about it, and basically the principal said he doesn't know what to do about it. B'H my sons are not yet on the upper grade bus which is arguably worse, but what goes on in the busses is awful. not to mention the chilul hashem with the non-jewish bus drivers.

Really, if anyone lives someplace where the kids don't abuse other kids on the bus, please tell us what your school does.

Diamond Member Joined: Sep 02 2007 Posts: 2724

What about a bus monitor? Could be beneficial for a morah who needs a lift to school everyday.. If not, I would just get the principal to mandate a bus monitor fee to the fee of the cost of using the boss, and hire someone for this. This way everyone's kids are protected... Young kids should not have to deal with bullying when it can easily be averted by hiring a bus monitor.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 27 2006 Age: 30 Posts: 2548

I think a bus monitor is VIP in this case. If school can't afford then maybe get every parent to volunteer 2-3 days a year so there's always an adult on board other than driver.

I recall my mom getting on my brothers bus a couple if times after he came off bruised. She once had the principal suspend a kid for 3 days due to his bustime bullying.

Pay the driver $20 to have your kid sit in front next to him where hecnsn see and keep an eye out for kid

Senior Member Joined: Jul 19 2007 Posts: 212

In my kids school, the principal takes physical violence very seriosly, in the school and on the bus. If a kid is physical with another child, the principal talks to the kid and the parents get a letter from the principal saying exactly what the kid did (the principal asks everyone until he gets all the facts) and that they should please talk to their child and the next time it happens the child will be suspended for a certain amount of days. With fighting on the bus, the same procedure but for second offense the child loses his bus priviledges and cant ride the bus for certain amount of days (punishing the parents too!!)

Schools must have a no violence policy, school should be a safe place for children, they should not have to be afraid to go to school. I usually am a quiet parent in terms of dealing with the school, I dont complain, I trust them with most things regarding my children, BUT if my child gets hurt, I hear the story from him and if my child is not at fault, boy do I let the school hear me, I call and make a rukus until the situation is taken care of. I can not have my child afraid at school when they can be vulnerable.
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Platinum Member Joined: Jan 23 2008 Posts: 9074

I was one of the previous amothers who was asking for suggestions to keep busing safe here. We can't get monitors. There aren't parents willing/able to do it, and who are they going to pay to do it? They tried to add fees in and it didn't work. They're talking now about installing cameras, but so much happens behind those tall seats that even other boys on the bus can't see.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 27 2006 Age: 30 Posts: 2548

how would camera be cheaper than a monitor? furthermore, monitors are preventative, kids will be less likely to bully with an adult around while cameras can only tell you what happens after the fact.

I would NOT send my child on the bus if that was the situation. I actually dont send my child on the bus even though it would be alot easier because I dont think the kids are watched properly and I dont feel it is safe, and even if it is I think its a wonderful thing to take and pick up your children from school

how could parents send thier kids on the bus without good supervision?? I mean what should you do? I say not use the bus. I def. wouldnt in that situation! its just unfair for that child!

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 23 2008 Posts: 9074

Is this "school" waiting G-d forbid for a tragedy? Let them make a rota for teachers to do bus duty, or pay a bochur $20 a day to ride the bus. It won't break them. Or the parents.

Origianal op here. I appreciate all your suggestions and replies. It's not so easy to drop off and pick up kids from school especially if it's far away. Not all of us have cars at our disposal to use. How am I supposed to schlep three kids on two buses back and forth during the cold winter? For a little update on the situation. My sons eye is quite purple today, so I wanted to make sure the school had a good look at it. I subtly mentioned this to my mother-in-law who knows the principal and I guess she spoke up because the principle checked his eye and put my son on the bus himself and gave the boys a good talking too. My son said today was better I even told him I would take him for Katate lessons if he wanted but he says he can't use it on the kids anyways-he really is a good boy. Here's hoping to better days.