I keep second guessing...

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 29 2006 Posts: 4461

Most almost 3 yr olds I know do have younger siblings. That is one reason why them going to gan is better for all concernd. They have friends and Mom has down time and baby without toddler time. It is a win-win situation.
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There was a time when every brief saying one heard was regarded as a "Torah" (teaching, guidance), and everything one saw was perceived as an instruction in his avoda and conduct. - HaYom Yom

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 30 2006 Age: 28 Posts: 8702

I'll have to agree with freidasima that it is beneficial for a 3 year old to go to playgroup for half a day, but not younger than 3, and not longer than 9 AM till 12 or 1 PM.
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Posted: Sun, Aug 09 2009, 2:19 pm Post subject: re: I keep second guessing...

I agree with ruchel. I used to think that 2 year olds were better off at home with mommy. then I realized that in todays day and age, playdates are scarce, as stay at home moms are scarce. therefore, two year olds are much much better off in playgroup socializing and stimulating their minds in group settings, than home with mommy without appropriate social stimulation. This obviously only refers to quality playgroups, where each child has individual attention, and the group is not too large. A home setting works best. my son was in an amazing playgroup with twelve kids, 2 morahs, home setting, really super-dedicated and loving morahs. we loved it.

Last edited by Happy Mom on Mon, Aug 10 2009, 2:15 am; edited 1 time in total

Posted: Sun, Aug 09 2009, 7:21 pm Post subject: re: I keep second guessing...

Mmmm, maybe because you have 9 kids your home is a bit different from, huh, almost everyone? And I feel for you if a 2 yr old conversation all day is enough for your personal needs. In my family BH the women are developped.

I was also going to get like you (mean and agressive) but a small look on your blog shows me you have an agenda. Fair enough. I'm there to discuss with other moms, not to get into crazy debates with biased people.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

I was told when I had my first that the first three years of life are crucial for the mother-child attachment. This is why I chose to keep my kids home for their first three years.

Besides that, I am not sending my child anywhere until I am confident in the child's communication abilities, so that if something is bothering him, he can tell me. I would not, and hope to have to never, send a kid off before he has this basic skill. I need to be able to be on top of things so that I know my child isn't being abused at the place I send him to every single day.
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Posted: Sun, Aug 09 2009, 7:31 pm Post subject: re: I keep second guessing...

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

I hold by 3 years. It rings true to me, because traditionally a 3 yr old child would go off to cheder.

You can GUESS that your child is happy, but he can't confirm that in his own words.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

Wouldn't you want to know what it was that was bothering her? You can see she's unhappy about something, but you don't know what it is.

When my child can tell me point-blank what's bothering him, that's when I feel comfortable sending him off for the day.

Posted: Sun, Aug 09 2009, 7:46 pm Post subject: re: I keep second guessing...

I wonder if I'm sending my son to the same place as the op's....and I also think the three year old teacher is excellent.

I also think the stimulation thing is overrated. You think that sending a 2 year old to a group that has 20 children running around as IDEAL??!! you gotta be kidding me. Children that age parallel play. I would think that more than 5 kids is a brain overload. I wish mommies would just be honest that they are sending kids to school because it is good for the mommies. Stop saying the two year olds NEED this. If you would take one course in child development you would see your statements are baloney. Would my son have blossomed at school? probably. but he also blossomed at home! And how could one teacher of 20 kids possibly answer ALL the questions my son asks throughout the day? Would it have been easier for me to have sent him to school? absolutely! I feel a tad frazzled. But I do have to agree on gold21's point that most kids that age are in school. and that's what makes it rather hard to have that age group home. In general, most moms are not home, there are very few playdates going on. and when you don't really know so many ppl...it's kinda lonely.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

Knowing what's bothering your child is a luxury? Seriously? Is that how it's seen?

Posted: Sun, Aug 09 2009, 7:50 pm Post subject: re: I keep second guessing...

happy mom, your comments were rude. why are you so defensive anyways? yeah I zone out in front of my nonexistent TV all day, and sometimes my nonesxistent DVD player. oh also I often am on my nonexistent computer. (I actually do access this site from my fone, for maybe three quarters of an hour three times a week). and yeah I ignore my kids a lot, totally a great point. oh is THAT why theyre always bored? now I get it! thanks for clarifying! seriously, playgroups have nothing to do with kids having varied emotional isues. this world is no longer as family centered as it should be, no longer as calm as it used to be. moms work a lot, as this has become a neccesity often. life is too fast paced. yeshiva systems are just that: systems. often they are not the greatest systems. but to blame playgroups? uh pretty farfetched mama.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

I don't go by the "everyone else is doing it, might as well jump right in" thing. Life is fast-paced but I see no reason to put a toddler or even a preschooler into that situation. I like/try to keep a calm atmosphere at home so none of us are buzzing around wildly like wind-up toys.

Gold Member Joined: Jan 22 2008 Posts: 1743

I can't understand how such a decision can be made a whole year in advance! You have no idea what your child will be like in a year, no clue where and what you'll be up to. OP take one day at a time, treasure the time you have with your child at home and send her to school when you're both ready.

For all those amothers who are saying a child needs this or needs that, every child is different - how can you decide what a 19 month old will need and want in a year from now? How can you decide what is best for another mother and another mother's child? Some children benefit greatly from being home longer, and some children benefit from going out. Some mothers benefit greatly from spending all day with their child and some benefit greatly from having time alone to get things done, take care of herself and be an adult.