My dd calls me stupid.!! !!!!!!

Posted: Wed, Feb 25 2009, 10:18 pm Post subject: my dd calls me stupid.!! !!!!!!

My dd who is 4 sometimes called me stupid. this happens when she is tired or hungry or also when she doesnt get her way.

My options are to

1. ignore it , so as not to give it negative attention

2. do something. the question is what???. I have said' when you talk like that I cant hear you my ears close.

she is my oldest and I am really at a loss. I don't want to hear its normal. it bothers me that she says this!

Posted: Wed, Feb 25 2009, 10:39 pm Post subject:

my dd calls me shiggener, I ignore
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ds hits me. I started putting him in the corner everytime he does. Now he picks up his hand on instinct to hit, I give him this look and he changes as if he meant to scratch himself.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 27 2006 Age: 30 Posts: 2537

my oldest DD age 4 also calls me all sorts of names, combined with threats of bodily harm.

like mommy u are meshiganu, im gonna chop off your head and flush you down the toilet.

should I be worried? if my DH is around then he puts her in her room for a bit, tells her seh cant be chutzpadik

kids only talk what they hear

I agree with Mandksima,

They hear it, and use the words to get a reaction. Just talk to her about how important it is to use "beautiful speech" and not ugly speech and what is ugly about it.
You may want to think about some sort of consequence for saying not nice things.
You also may want to give your daughter a good way of telling you she is angry, upset, etc.
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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20504

My 5th boy who is 4 says bad fings too. Even though he's my fifth, I wonder what's "wrong" with him. How can he say bad fings to his mother? Anyway, if he says things like that he gets to sit on the naughty stair for 4 minutes, if I catch it on time. If not, another option is that I tell him he can't have sweet things for a not sweet mouth. Another option is for me to act insulted and tell him that I can't talk with people who talk to me like that.
I guess it will help within the next 2-3 years orso.
These things go away. Don't make a big deal out of it, but do let the child know that it's not acceptable behavior. The thing with chinuch, in my limited experience, is that if you persevere, chances are the child will turn out fine and aidel.

Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2009, 5:14 am Post subject:

My middle one is 4 and does this when he doesn't get his way. I brush right past it and in a conversational tone of voice say, "No I'm not, and it's not nice to speak that way to mommy or anyone else. Now what do you want in your cup?"

I'm no expert, I don't know if it's accomplishing anything or not, but it seems counterproductive to make a big deal out of it (since he's doing it to try to get me, I'd just be showing that it works) and as a mother and disciplinarian I feel like I can't just let it slide without telling him that its just not a nice thing to say. So I sort of felt that this was a responsible compromise.
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my 4y.o. DS (must be the age?) sometimes says "silly mummy" or "naughty mummy" if he's upset or angry at me. I do say those words to him when he's being silly/naughty so thats where he picked it up from. I had to explain to him that its not right 2 say it to mummy tho.
Lately I've been going 2 a parenting class an it encourages us not to direct these kind of statements at our kids even when they are misbehaving, instead of saying YOU are naughty when one child hurts another, u can say, in this house we don't hit each other n then deal with it from there.
But if ur kid is saying things they learned from outside the house then maybe at a quiet moment when neither u nor ur child is angry or upset, to explain gently how its not acceptable in OUR house to talk like that. Also when they do talk nicely, comment on it an say, thats a much better way of talking etc thank you for asking etc

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 16 2007 Posts: 2952

At that age I like to repeat the same mottos over and over so they internalize the message. When my little ones call me names I say, "It is okay to be upset but it is not okay to call names." Then I help them figure out their emotions and what it is that is making them upset, and lead them to a more appropriate way of expressing themselves.

I would have a huge problem with my child speaking like this, for their sake. I don't care where they heard it, or how many kids their age speak like this to their mothers, it's not acceptable at all.

It's our responsibility as a Torah centered parent to teach our children to respect us, from the time they are very young. My ego isn't invested in this - it's not like my feelings are hurt by a statement like this - but it's not good for them to be allowed to speak/act like that with their parents (actually, with anyone, but most especially with parents). So though I wouldn't get emotional about it, I'd certainly cut it off very quickly from the very first statement, with a matter of fact but strong, 'We don't talk like that to Mommy." For me, speaking that strongly to my young children is usually enough, but many parents will feel like they need to do more. I'd absolutely follow up with something else much stronger if I felt it was necessary. I wouldn't ignore it even once. I also wouldn't explain myself - teaching them limits with regards to parents isn't something to feel apologetic for. It would dilute the clarity of the message that I wanted them to get if I overtalked it. And if I heard it more than once, I'd follow up a lot more strongly. I wouldn't tolerate them speaking to dh like that, and he wouldn't tolerate it if they said it to me.
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My 2 year old calls everyone she sees ugly, it's so embarassing, we're in a store she starts saying to everyone "you're ugly". She has an older sister who taught her that, why do 4 year olds think it's funny to teach their younger siblings to say bad things???? Now dd1 knows that when she helps to teach dd2 good midot she gets lots of praise, so she's shifted from laughing to saying to her "no, we don't say that, it's not nice" but dd2 still does it loads, I just keep repeating "no, we don't say that" and hope that it will sink in eventually.....

Posted: Mon, Mar 09 2009, 4:01 am Post subject:

I don't think it's good to ignore it ... then they get used to the bad habit ... but I would also be factual "we don't talk like that - cause it's not a nice word"
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Posted: Mon, Mar 09 2009, 5:36 pm Post subject:

This week, dd age 4 tells me, she doesn’t like the Therapist (OT) she looks ALMOST like a monkey. Um, Duh!

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 16 2007 Posts: 2952