What do you do when your child is invited to play

Gold Member Joined: Mar 30 2008 Posts: 1423

what do you do when your child is invited to play at a friend's house, but your not sure about whether you really fee the other child is a good influence on your child, and you aren't sure about their kashrut? I'm talking about 5 year olds.

please help. I don't want to offend the family or get into difficult discussions with my child about exactly why etc
thanks

two things:

1)what's the reasoning behind thinking the kid is not a good influence?

2) what are the kashrut issues?

Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2009, 4:40 pm Post subject:

I'm having trouble figuring out how an innocent child can be a bad influence ...
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Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2009, 4:59 pm Post subject:

Senior Member Joined: May 02 2008 Posts: 138

I usually have the other child over first so I can get a feel of what he's like. If I'm not comfortable, then no- my child cannot go to that other child's house. We've also gotten very used to just telling other parents what our standards are when they go out for playdates-no tv, videos, hechshers, etc. If they're not comfortable, well then my child does not belong in their house.

Silver Member Joined: Sep 03 2007 Posts: 631

ABC, I have a very similar situation as you. My sister who has a dd the same age as mine (3 going on 4) lives very close by. They are in the same class and get along very well. my dd is always asking to play with her cousin and the same for the cousin. The problem is that my sister has decided to become not religious...at all. They used to be yeshivish and now she doesn't cover hair, dress tznius, we're not sure if they even keep kosher or shabbos at this point (and no, not dressing tzniusdik and not covering hair does not mean they are not religious. They have said that they have emunah issues and are not keeping halacha). So what can we say when my sister wants to have a playdate? or offer to pick up my dd from school so they can play together? I always find some excuse...she would only want me to be there too and I can't, she's a picky eater and won't eat dinner there...I make up real-life excuses. It's tough but if you are not comfortable, then either you can keep saying no, or you can go with your child to the playdate and supervise. We will only let my dd go over to play with her cousin if either me or my dh is with her b/c we cannot trust them at this point. It's a shame b/c they are great pple and our kids get a long great, but you have to draw the line as a parent where you feel the need. Don't feel bad that your child and this kid can't be friends outside of school. It's the reality sometimes.

I would do like morahmommy, invite the child to my home first to get a feel of the child.
And when the mother comes to pick up the child, invite her in to get a feel of her too.