Is it compulsory to make a PARTY for your sons upsherin?

is going to the rebbe to cut (I guess men from the family and the boys too can come, since its probably in shul) and then to the cheider to read the aleph bais and give pekelach enough?
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Many don't even do upsherin at all. Or have a regular barber cut (but I dunno if that's ok to make an upsherin as opposed to hair cut).
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Silver Member Joined: Jul 10 2008 Posts: 645

Compulsory? not as far I know. Nobody forces anyone to make parties for their children, I don't know what circles you hang out in, but are u asking if u will be social outcasts if u don't make a party for ur ds, I hope not. Anyway, having the rebbe cut it in shul with other men and giving out peklach sounds like an upsherin party to me, but seriously what do I know. If you feel like you need to, ask yourself why, and also ask yourself why you DONT want to make a party for ds, and see if you can figure out what exactly is the issue here. I know many boys and men, who didn't have a grand bash when they turned 3 and they seem okay to me. Again my family does make parties for upsherins, but they consist of some desserts in the house some friends and family and pair of scissors. Oh and tzitzis. but they are not these huge extravaganzas with themes and slide shows, although those are nice also.

Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8984

None of the things we make big hooplas for are compulsory. Not even a wedding. All you really need is a chosson, a kallah, a mesader kiddushin, a ring, a kesubah, eidim, and enough wine for the brocha. even the mesader kiddushin isn't mandatory provided the chosson knows what to do and say, and if you want to get REALLY down to basics, all you need are chosson, kallah, and ring or other object of value. If the intent is there, the couple would be married even without eidim, you just wouldn't be able to prove it. (NOT RECOMMENDED!)*

so, no, a party for an upshern isn't compulsory. Being from a community that never, ever, did the upshern thing till some of our young people started marrying into or being influenced by the Lubavitch movement, I would say an upshern itself isn't compulsory, but I'm wearing a new blouse and wouldn't want it to get stained by the tomatoes that the chassidish members would throw at me.

*Come to think of it, the three ways of being mekadesh a wife is biah, sh'tar, and object of value, so if you really wanted to get down to the most basic of basics, you don't even have to have the object of value, you could just...well, that's neither recommended nor accepted any more, for obvious reasons, but in theory...

Posted: Thu, Feb 12 2009, 1:36 pm Post subject:

not compulsory - but FUN !!!

we did it all in the house though - no going to cheder - we had alef-bais sweets, lots of people of all ages, scissors, food & balloons ... Clown

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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 17094

of course no party is necessary.
Those of us who cut at home, put down some cake and lchaim and coffee or something. if poeople come to your house for lchaim you just need some cake and refreshments, no party.
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Posted: Thu, Feb 12 2009, 1:39 pm Post subject:

Sure it's enough. You can just make a small lechaim at the rebbes house or in cheder with the rebbe if you want. When is the big day?
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Posted: Thu, Feb 12 2009, 1:54 pm Post subject:

Almost! How exciting.

Diamond Member Joined: May 15 2007 Posts: 3669

You do what you feel like you want to do.. noone forces anyone to make anything, and we all have our own opinions on how we want things..

My son is having upsherin next week, iyh. We are making a little morning brunch for the family, cutting his hair, and then going to the cheder.. I am making a brunch because that is how we do it in my famioly and how I like doing it.. ( and since it comes out on sunday, it works out perfectly)

mazal tov dewy!
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Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48223

Of course not. the idea of the upsherenish is to cut the hair and leave payos.

we didn't h ave any party.....

Gold Member Joined: May 26 2008 Posts: 1606 Location: NY

My son's upsherin was this week. We did not have a party. We cut his hair and the family had a l'chayim while I bathed and dressed ds. Then we went to the cheder where he said the aleph beis and gave pekelach.

Nope. We do the whole thing in cheder with licking the honey and giving out pekelach. The whole deal takes about 30-45 minutes including dancing with the rebbe.

That's it. No party here.
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Green you just floored me. Read the last paragraph of the post above yours about ways of getting married...then start reading yours about it not being compulsory but FUN and you doing it in the house...and try to figure out what it sounded like until I got to the words that you had sweets, scizzors and baloons (for what? took me a minute to realize you weren't talking about WD-40 as I just finished that thread!!!)

Sorry to go offtopic but I couldn't resist...must be too much cooking tonight...
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Diamond Member Joined: Oct 29 2006 Posts: 4461

I said yes for two reasons, one for me and one general. For me Lubavitch minhag is to make a seuda and say a maamar. The general reason is that the reason as far as what the child knows is chinuch to peyot. It should be a happy day and one he will remember to make the mitzvah sweet to him.
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Luv ya Green!!!!

And yes to add to what Imaonwheels wrote, take pictures, lots of pictures. You will use them at the Bar Mitzva!

Gold Member Joined: Mar 20 2008 Posts: 1173

By my first 2 I did. After that we went to a Rebbe to cut the payos. That's it besides the pekalach in Cheder the next day.

Silver Member Joined: Sep 06 2006 Posts: 620

The Rebbe N"E told my fil by my dh's upsherin that a Kohen, a Levi and a Yisroel should cut and it should be in a Makom Kodesh.

We always just brought cake and mashkeh to shul that morning and did it there.