Walk of shame

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 10:58 am Post subject: walk of shame

So trying to have a discussion with dd about dressing appropriate. She doesn't listen to me nor does she listen to other people who have brought same to her attention. Yesterday she went somewhere in a miniskirt. Called me upset to pick her up NOW because she was not comfortable in what she was wearing. I pointed out that she was well aware of this before she left the house and refused to run and save her from herself. Perhaps feeling ashamed she will think twice before going out in a miniskirt.

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 11:11 am Post subject:

Personally I would have run to pick her up and used the opportunity to praise her for her sensitivity, and how she herself has inner feelings of tzniyus etc - we want to create positive self-fulfilling prophecies.
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Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 11:15 am Post subject: re: walk of shame

Dear amother,
I know teenage girls are difficult, I was the most difficult one of them all so I really sympathies with you. Hashem should bless you with patience and wisdom to get through then next couple of years.
That said- I don't think you should have left your daughter the way you did. She admitted her mistake, why would you let her be out dressed provocatively a second more then she demanded it? I know you want to teach her a lesson, and it sounds like you’re at the end of your rope, but she is an impulsive teenager and she still need her ima to save her from herself.
When we misbehave we apologies to hashem and beg him to get us out of horrible situations that very often our own actions got us into. Wouldn’t it be horrible if he turned away and told us that we dug our own grave?
Again, my most sincere sympathies. We should only here goon news about your DD from here on end.
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Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 11:19 am Post subject:

gila manolson writes a gr8 book on tznius called 'outside inside' if ur daughter's into reading. or, u can take the ideas from the book and expln to her.....good luck!

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 11:41 am Post subject:

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 11:42 am Post subject: re: walk of shame

No offense to Gila Medelson, she’s a great speaker and a wonderful lady.

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 11:44 am Post subject:

Active Poster Joined: Jul 22 2008 Posts: 69

you should tell her to listen to chazak 718-258-2008, this weeks story of challenge was unbeleivable. press 3 and then 2 and then 49

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 11:50 am Post subject:

Diamond Member Joined: Jan 01 2008 Posts: 4023

You should've picked her up as Shalhevet said. If she's ashamed to go on the street this way, that's a good sign. Once she broke the ice and came home dressing inappropriately, it would be easier for her to do it a second time. This we learn in Devorim, Zochor eis asher osso lecho Amoleik... asher korcho baderech - Amalek cooled off the fear that the nations had for the Jews.

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 11:55 am Post subject: re: walk of shame

It wasn't the first time. Hoping it was the last time.

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 11:57 am Post subject:

I agree with the OP. personally had I been in the situation as her daughter..I probably would think twice the next time if my mother would have responded that way. if shed have reacted as the other posters were saying shed just do it over and over and keep relying on her mother to rescue her. this way shell know for next time...nobodies picking up my pieces im on my own, I pay for my mistakes..teaches some sense of responsibility..just my opinion.,.....
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Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 11:59 am Post subject: re: walk of shame

OP, can I go out on a limb here and ask you how your relationship is with your daughter in general?
When I look around and see kids that dress less than tzniyus or at risk I often wonder if the atmosphere at home is a good one. When I hear that she felt ashamed and that you refused to help her out it looks as though there is a power struggle going on. I don't think parents can win that ever. They may win the battle but they risk losing the war. Crying or Very sad

I am just beginning as my daughter is 11 but she is definitely a teenager and it's not easy.

Silver Member Joined: May 05 2008 Posts: 912

What exactly was her concern when she called home? Was she feeling threatened or stared at by questionable men, or was she just embarassed amongst a group of friends? If the former, I'd pick her up. If the latter and she has a history of this behavior I'd probably let her deal with it.

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 12:05 pm Post subject: re: walk of shame

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 12:05 pm Post subject:

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 23 2008 Posts: 9074

OP, I definitely agree with Shalhevet. Showing her love, support, & respect for being able to acknowledge her error at this time would have been exactly the right thing to do. What was her reaction when she did come home? Anger? Embarrassment? Blaming YOU for not helping? You probably felt tough love was in order & I see why, but I think in this case it wasn't the best move. Now you two need to talk calmly & lovingly about actions & consequences.

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 12:10 pm Post subject: Re: re: walk of shame

Posted: Mon, Apr 27 2009, 12:12 pm Post subject:

Silver Member Joined: May 05 2008 Posts: 912