Inyan in eating at a bris but not invited - tact

I'm putting this in chinuch section because I was lost if I was doing the right thing chinuch wise.

my son and his friend were at shul for shacharis and as they were about to leave the friends father noticed there was a bris going on. He told the boys not to run away from the bris but to stay. after the bris my son was about to go again and he told him at a bris you should wash.
My son who knows me already said I may be worried so he gave him his phone to call me.

This is the thing, I've heard people complaining about how at these events (which often work by invitation where I live) when they are done in the shul the kids come and fress up the food not leaving room for the adults to sit and not leaving food either. So I told my son, he isn't invited and the baalei simcha might not be happy about kids coming and crashing their simcha.

Did I do the wrong thing chinuch wise?
Is there an inyan to eat at a bris if you aren't invited to it?

I remember another simcha once where a bunch of boys came and chapped the food and the adults were not impressed.

hmmm. maybe he could have be told, wash, eat a bit of bread, and once he has seen the other guests have eaten take a little food.

but I don't know anything about halochos of eating, not eating, leaving or not leaving a bris.

Diamond Member Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 4037

to my understanding, a bris is open to anyone, as are weddings, etc.

we are feeding our families and others jews - even strangers - are family too.

perhaps you could tell this to your son, but mention to him that the polite thing to do is to not eat too much, save some for others, etc.

maybe you could have a "shomer" at the bris or at other shul events to just keep an eye on the kids and gently reprimand them if they are fressing or being rambunctious, etc.

generally speaking, bris meals are catered/prepared with an estimate of how many random people will be at that minyan in shul. if one wants to make it private, one does the entire bris in one's home. there is an inyan to wash and eat some bread, it's a seudas mitzvah. your son didn't have to stay for the whole thing, but usually there is more than enough bread to go around.

it's a seudas mitzvah. with regards to inviting to a bris- you're not even supposed to actually invite to a bris- just mention time and place, because once invited, if a person can't come to it- it's an aveirah since it's a seudas mitzvah. ppl feel compelled to join in a seudas mitzvah- because it is a ....mitzvah!

Posted: Wed, Jan 14 2009, 9:15 pm Post subject:

right - one is not invited but told when & where ... how old is he ... to eat l'kovod mitzva could be s/t small just to make a brocha ...
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I know about the not inviting but then does that also mean that if he was there and I told him not to eat then we did an aveira?

Plenty people come to the bris and leave after, maybe taking something with them for the seudas mitzvah part. I think the problem of not going when invited is to actual bris ceremony. Eliyahu HaNavi is there, maybe that's why you are not allowed to decline the invitation.
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Silver Member Joined: Feb 19 2006 Posts: 728

If the bris was in the shul, and ur son davened there, he is unofficially invited. It is Hashem's house! And hosts probably accounted for mispallelim of the shul. Its not like a bunch of boys crashed the party for the food (although if those kids were hungry, and there was enuff to go around, I think its major mitzva to feed yeshiva boys who r both hungry and poor)

True, since Eliyahu Hanavi attends all brissim, may not refuse invitation, therefore don't officially invite. In this case, if Eliyahu Hanavi is "in the house" it is proper to partake in the bris, and wrap a bagel to go (like many men rushing to work do)

Posted: Thu, Jan 15 2009, 3:46 am Post subject:

I disagree. Unless it's Shabbat morning (a kiddush), I don't count all the regular minyan-goers in my numbers for a simcha. And I would be quite upset if there wasn't enough food for my guests because the regulars helped themselves. If you're not even "told the time & place" (as opposed to "invited"), then you're not welcome to partake.

I haven't asked a Rav (perhaps I should), but IMO taking food from a seudah to which you haven't been informed or invited is akin to gezel. There's no mitzvah in that.
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