Telling guests your menu

ora_43

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 5:39 pm

My guests can check out what's on the plata when they go to wash if they're curious. We usually have a fairly simple menu anyway, not too many surprises.

If we're having good friends or family I'll consult with them before choosing a menu, so I can make something they really like or avoid something they hate.

If we're having new guests, I'll ask before cooking if they have any food allergies or if they're vegetarian or vegan. Then there are no uncomfortable surprises.

ora_43

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 5:48 pm

yayay wrote:

I was thinking of innocently hanging a menu on the refridgerator...
that way everyone can check it out as they wash...

That's a good idea.

I write up a menu each week, just because otherwise I'd forget what to cook (like, forget to make a main course for lunch, for example). Maybe I should just leave it up instead of taking it down when everything is checked off.

Ima'la

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 5:57 pm

Y'know, I think it depends on how standard or unusual your menu is. If you invite frum people and serve gefilte fish, soup, chicken, kugel, dessert - I don't think they need a heads-up. If you have a very unusual menu it might be nice to mention it. And if you have guests who are new to a frum Shabbos, so even a standard menu is new to them, then an explanation of the upcoming menu is probably no stranger than an explanation of kiddush or washing, etc. (And probably is not a bad idea - it's probably a lot more food and courses than they're used to on a Friday night!)

yo'ma

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 6:06 pm

Last year shavuos, we ate by my il's. My mil served fish plus a few vegetables on the plate. At the same time, she put cheese empanadas on the table. I don't really love them, so I didn't eat them. She started cleaning off the plates like that's it and then served noodles for the kids. I said that I wanted one, too, I was hungry. If I knew that the adults were only going to get that, I would've eaten the empanadas. She, of course gave me some noodles in the end, so I wasn't hungry.

Motek

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 6:09 pm

Seraph wrote:

Ever go to someone for a meal, they serve the course, and then you fill yourself up, and then discover there's another course? Or they serve the course, and expecting another course, you eat barely anything, only to discover- THATS IT! Or, you eat a little in the first course expecting the second, and the second course is something you hate, so you're hungry?

no
The Shabbos/Yom Tov meal (which is what you are usually invited out for), in my experience, is standard: fish and salads, soup, main dish and side dishes, dessert for the night meal and the same for the day meal minus the soup.

Seraph

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 6:16 pm

I once went to someone for shabbos.
They had gefilte, some salads, and then soup that was ichy with really dry chicken in it, and hard rice inside it as well. I passed on that, only to discover that there was nothing else. And there wasnt enough challah...

Mrs Bissli

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 6:26 pm

I don't like making a big fanfare announcing each courses, but occasionally do remind guests like,
"there will be main course after that". Especially when people come home hungry when they tend to
stuff themselves full with challot, or in winter when you can get quite full just with soup.

I (or DH) usually ask the guests if they have any food allergies, dietary restrictions or food they don't like. And I do post menu/what's-in-the-fridge-that-needs-to-be-taken-out list on my fridge though not prominent. I might tell the guests in advance if I'm doing something "exotic", like sushi.

Talk about printed wedding menus, it used to be fairly common custom in England to print the menu on bentchers.

Crayon210

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 7:03 pm

Seraph wrote:

Nothing would have helped in that situation.

Would they have announced "ichy soup with really dry chicken and hard rice"? Probably not.

I agree with Motek. Most people serve fairly standard meals, with small variations.

cookielady

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 7:06 pm

If we are having someone not used to a shabbos meal, dh will give them the heads up that they may want to pace themselves. (and make sure they save room for dessert.)

Mimisinger

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 9:46 pm

ora_43 wrote:

yayay wrote:

I was thinking of innocently hanging a menu on the refridgerator...
that way everyone can check it out as they wash...

I know it sounds silly, but you should ask a Rav about this - I was taught that making a list such as this (writing it, though typing and printing may be different) is problematic because it may cause you to write on it/cross/check things off.

Crayon210

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 9:50 pm

Mimisinger wrote:

ora_43 wrote:

yayay wrote:

I was thinking of innocently hanging a menu on the refridgerator...
that way everyone can check it out as they wash...

Yes, even though you know that you won't, etc., it's one of those things that could be a problem even if it's "not a problem".

amother

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 10:04 pm

Reminds me how when I was first married and we would go to my inlaws. She made this really good sort of split pea soup every Friday night. I loved it and I did not at all like her main course because it was always sweet potato and dark chicken and I only eat white chicken. So when she served the soup, she very considerately would give me a small portion so I would have room for the main course. I was too shy/embarassed to ask for more, so I ate tons of challah and/or went hungry, while I could really have eaten 2 nice size bowls of that soup and called it a meal.

Akeres Habayis

Fri, Oct 24 2008, 3:29 am

pinktichel wrote:

Isn't it obvious by the pieces of cutlery set out?

this is what I was thinking plus the plates.
I wouldn't announce the menu.
as someone already said if its frum people they already know there are a few courses.if they aren't frum as they are eating the salads I would mention "there's a couple more courses after this one,so save some room!"

I like to eat good tasting food,and I always prepare something even when I am invited out,so just in case I didnt like the food,or there wasn't enough,I always know I have something at home to eat.

ora_43

Fri, Oct 24 2008, 7:59 am

Mimisinger wrote:

ora_43 wrote:

yayay wrote:

I was thinking of innocently hanging a menu on the refridgerator...
that way everyone can check it out as they wash...

I'm talking about a list that I write up and use on Fridays, then throw away or put aside before Shabbat. Are you saying that's problematic, or just that it could be a problem to keep it after Shabbat starts? And is it a problem with any list, or just lists about Shabbat preparations?

chanchy123

Tue, Nov 04 2008, 4:11 am

I don't give the menu before entertaining (because then I would find myself taking orders from my guests and feel like a resturant or my guests would come prepared with cookies and canned goods knowing they are going to eat nothing for the rest of shabbos).
But I do ask if there is anything they don't eat when I extend the invitation. Leaving an opening for them to say they are vegetarians, alergic, special kashrut issues, hate potatoes etc.
Usualy when sitting down to eat, I would maybe describe the meal we are going to have (first we're going to have soup then the main course - no appetizer tonight - or - don't fill up there is plenty of food coming soon).

Raisin

Tue, Nov 04 2008, 5:34 am

I usually like to give a heads up. Our guests are often not frum people who don't know what to expect, and they think the fish course is the whole meal, which means they will take far too much food leaving no fish or salad for other guests. Especially if I serve fresh salmon - that is not an appetiser in most peoples minds. we just say casually - don't eat too musch - there are two more courses after this.

I think just serving fish and then soup is very odd. Its taking the basr vedagim literally, but meaning you don't actually enjoy your meal. I would prefer just fish and then the main course or just soup and main course then to stop the meal before the main course because you are too full.

PinkandYellow

Tue, Nov 04 2008, 7:29 am

we don't often have guests. when I do I usually forget to ask about dislikes and allergies cuz I'm not used to it. but we don't usually have all typical, usually either soup or fish when we have a guest adn sometimes we don't even bother with that. so I mention casually that there is more food coming or we aren't doing appetizer or whatever but I'm not worried cuz I'm a good cook Wink

and I make typical chicken/meat that most ppl like.
in terms of going out for a meal, I don't care what they serve or how much cuz I always be sure to have s/t at home to eat, just in case.