Separate Seating?

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 20 2004 Posts: 17151

Heard someone describe how her husband had bachurim as guests in their tiny succa, while she had girls over to eat with her in the dining room! Isn't simchas Yom Tov when the family eats together? Why didn't the family eat together in the tiny succa and not have guests? Or should guests come first? Or, maybe there are families where the simchas Yom Tov is when the men and women are separate! 8)

Gold Member Joined: Jun 20 2005 Posts: 1939

I guess each to their own. Personally, I agree with you, yom tov is about family and everyone together.

Posted: Tue, Oct 03 2006, 9:23 pm Post subject:

Yeah, but if you have a lot of guests & there isn't room for everyone, the women eat inside. I'm doing that on the first night. Nothing wrong with it.,

Moderator Joined: Dec 26 2005 Age: 33 Posts: 11430

Posted: Tue, Oct 03 2006, 10:23 pm Post subject: re: Separate Seating?

the only time women and men are separated on Sukkos in my house is when it's raining outside and the poor guys get to sit in the sukka while the gals stay dry inside. Razz

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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16921

well BW, men are mechuyev to eat in the suka and women arent, so when you take male guests, you have to take into account whether the women will fit into the succah too.
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Gold Member Joined: Sep 04 2004 Posts: 1520

Posted: Tue, Oct 03 2006, 11:11 pm Post subject: Re: re: Separate Seating?

Senior Member Joined: Aug 20 2006 Posts: 208 Location: NY

I'm a guest at a relative's several times each yr - where I'm obligated to go, so don't advise that I shouldn't - and whenever the table gets almost full, the hostess jumps up and says: hey, why don't the ladies eat in the kitchen so we can all have more room??
can't figure out why she does this. it's not like there's no room for someone, just that there's a setting around (or almost around) the entire table. I get sooo annoyed! what's the prob with a full table? it's shabbos/yom tov and I just want to be with dh and family!
at first, it really took away my enjoyment of yom tov, but lately I just say - very sweetly buy just a teeny bit firmly - actually, I think we're all perfectly comfortable here. the first time, hostess then offered to go into the kitchen herself(!!) so we'd have more room... but thankfully dh persuaded her to stay.
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Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48155

Yomtov isn't about family togetherness and all of that. It's about being mekayim HaShem's mitzvos!

If things happen at different times or in different places, so be it.

Moderator Joined: Dec 26 2005 Age: 33 Posts: 11430

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Executive Member Joined: Mar 02 2006 Posts: 253

I'm all for family togetherness, but where does it say that yom tov is for family? Scratching Head

bottom line, if there's not enough room in the sukkah, why shouldn't the girls go in? why is it bad chinuch if they have no chiyuv?

I don't understand how they had both bochurim and girls over. I would have said skip one or the other, and squish everyone else in.

Posted: Wed, Oct 04 2006, 10:48 am Post subject:

This is something that always secretly ate up my insides... Spending hours cooking, and then not even being full participants in the meal. Sometimes we would be in the Sukka but near the door for easier serving, other times a separate table, and other times indoors altogether.

I spoke it over with some family members and they were so surprised that I thought this way. To them the hanging out with the female bunch WAS the enjoyment of Yom Tov. They didn't feel that they were missing anything. I guess it depends what you're used to.

Now that I am married I have managed to spend all Yom Tov meals with DH (except once when it was really really pouring) and I hope to continue it that way.

Silver Member Joined: Jan 19 2006 Posts: 537

With you on this, SaraG.
If you live in a community where there are many orchim for Yom Tov ( or, unfortunately, many people without their own Sukkah or a family to celebrate with), than part of the Simchas Yom Tov is making sure that they are not alone for Yom Tov.
The chinuch for our daughters ( and sons) is to see that on Yom Tov, we are an extended family, and the simchah of others matters as much to us as our own-- or more. And that our experience and joy as a family is strengthened when we are thinking of the needs of others.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48155

Only1, I don't know where you are getting that from.

In C.H., many men leave their families and go to the Rebbe at different times of the year. It's always been that way, since the times of the Baal Shem Tov.

Posted: Wed, Oct 04 2006, 11:10 am Post subject: re: Separate Seating?

Maybe the girls are younger than bas mitzva and there really is no problem with having bochurim with little girls over, or is there Confused

?

Yes, in Lubavitch we do have the minhag that no matter what weather, men always eat outside, I won't get into it now, but it was discussed on this board, numerous times!!

In my family, having guests is part of our family. Esp. knowing that there would be no place to eat for all out of town guests.

The first night we have at least 40 ppl sitting down for a full meal. And the girls get to eat inside, so big deal, we're big helpers, we enjoy serving our guests, and it's a lot more organized that way too.

I don't think it's an issue for girls not having to be able to eat in the sukkah bc there are guests around. Let every family do what they feel is comfy.

I don't think that there are any rules either.

Posted: Wed, Oct 04 2006, 11:16 am Post subject:

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