Worth millions and still breaking our heads how to live...

amother

Dustypink

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 12:39 pm

My husband and I have the opposite issue. We were totally financially naive. We had no idea people invested money or bought real estate, we thought everyone was struggling and doing their best just like us, living off their paychecks.
Now we are low 40s and majorly screwed over. We have no debt (aside for our mortgage that will paid off in 16 years) but almost no savings.

In your case what comes across is a ton of anxiety. You need to meet with a financial planner and set up a savings and spending budget and then breathe. Stop looking at others. It sounds like you wish you could live like them and wonder if they have a magical answer. They don't. Either they have the money or they go into debt. But if you keep looking and wondering then you need to review your financial plan and acknowledge that you really do want to enjoy your money. Doing this with a professional will help ease some of your financial anxiety. The rest may need a good shuir/Sefer and possibly therapy.

amother

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 1:13 pm

amother Chartreuse wrote:

Don't you see how Hashem has been providing for you all this time? He is giving you money every day. You have real estate worth tons and get rent all the time?? Is this by chance? Start learning some books on emuna and bitachon. Please do normal things. Don't be the only sibling not wanting to chip in for family kiddush or baby gift. Send your kids to daycamp. Please. And please buy your kids normal clothing that they and you feel good about themselves. And get them shabbos shoes at a normal age. It's great to save money, but know that Hashem has enough money for everyone and He can give you 20x if He wants to.

LOL, I'm not sure where some of you got the impression like my kids don't have what to wear or don't go to daycamp...I wrote in my OP, we go on vacations, we took them to Florida this year, and get them everything they need! We just don't get brand names or very luxury vacations even though we can afford.

amother

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 1:16 pm

amother Kiwi wrote:

Didn't read the whole thread, maybe someone has suggested it already - but why not set a monthly budget for enjoying life? A budget that's seperate from necessities. Something like ma'aser but specifically set aside for you and your family to enjoy.

I'm a stingy person by nature. I most of the time don't like spending on myself or on others. We are not rich, but I anyway have this drive to always save every bit of money on top of it. Which means we afford even less than we could and people think we are poorer than we really are. I have some savings and thinking of them makes me feel good. But sometimes, I do buy new things and tell myself that by putting everything into an invisible dragon hoard of money in the bank, I'm only missing out on life.
I also once heard or read in a shiur that stingy people should sometimes be generous with themselves in order to learn to be more generous towards others. So I'm trying to take that to heart.

We do this, we have a budget for extras, but we are starting to think, maybe the sum we put aside for this is low, we see ppl around us going on vacations 3 times a year, not once and ppl going out to fancy restaurants every other week not once in few months and so on...

amother

Obsidian

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 1:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

But don't you have an idea of what kind of lifestyle you want for yourself and your family? What kind of standards you want to set for them?

amother

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 1:25 pm

amother Dimgray wrote:

why do you save 10k a month?!

It's not that we save 10K a month, we take the 10K and we re invest it in more real estate. We started thinking at this point maybe we can spend more and invest less, but from the other side, knowing how we can easily double each penny when we re invest it makes it harder to let the savings go...this is the part that it hard to balance I guess...

Imabubby60

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 2:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Your system should really be widely shared because even people on a much smaller income would benefit, just by the great attitude.

amother

Foxglove

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 2:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

.

How do you easily double your money? Every deal you do is successful?

Imabubby60

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 2:33 pm

amother Mimosa wrote:

Real estate is down these days. Your investments are still going well? Guess you fixed rates but at this point future deals have horrific interest rates.

Their RE purchases may not involve loans ie Syndication / Partnerships.

amother

Black

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 3:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

Do not judge by what others are doing. Maybe their parents are paying. Maybe they make more money than you. Maybe they are in debt.

If you live normally but not luxuriously and continue to save, when you’ve reach a certain number you can retire and when you reach a little bit higher, you can even have enough for your kids to have.

Listen to the podcast on kosher money with Dr. Rich Roberts. He is a very inspirational person, and gives wise advice.

You should make decisions that are good for you, not based on what neighbors are doing.

We put away 6k each month and I sometimes look at neighbors who buy chanel and Gucci and golden goose and drive luxury cars and I actually feel very proud of my decision to live a low key modest lifestyle and save so that making weddings for kids with me iyH a time of simcha and not stress

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 4:20 pm

TLDR past the first page, but I agree with those who say "What's it to you?" You seem satisfied with your financial situation and are getting bent out of shape only because you're you're looking at what's cooking in other people's pots. First of all, other people's finances are none of your business. Second of all, why do you assume that they're all managing their finances wisely? For all you know, they're on the brink of financial collapse. Just be grateful for the financial success that has put you squarely in the wealthy class, and MYOB. You'll be way happier that way.

Furthermore, given your current fiscal state, there seems to be no reason for you to deny yourself the occasional vacation or other luxury that you so envy. Maybe treating yourself a little bit will make you see others with a less jaundiced eye.

Do you WANT to go on vacation three times a year? Do you WANT to eat at fancy restaurants? Or do you think you want to just because you see other people doing this? Maybe you should rent out your house in the BigBucksEstates and move to ModestLifestyleAcres where you won't have the acid of other people's luxurious living eroding the lining of your stomach.

amother

Lightpink

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 5:04 pm

I see around me that the more you have the more you want.
1 nice car - I want thr new model
Nice kitchen- I want an upgrade/ pesach kitchen/ new floor/nw appliances etc
New clothes once a year - I want twice.
It is a cycle.
Break the cycle by appreciating what you have and even giving away the unnecessary stuff (who needs 20 pairs of shoes or 3 winter coats), you will feel free and more mental space to consider want matters and less about keeping up with the neighbours.
I want doesn't equal I need.

The OP has it the right way round. Amazing to see such a great attitude

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 5:10 pm

We, bh, are doing really well. Our total worth is around 4M. We are 40 and 42, for reference. We have no debt and can pay for big ticket items like each year of tuition upfront, per child. We save and invest prudently. We also vacation 3 or 4 times a year and go out to dinner whenever we feel like. I don't worry about grocery prices or things like that but I also don't wear high end brands or dress in any particular way. I drive a luxury car because my job pays for it. My husband does because I bought it as a gift for him. Otherwise, we prioritize making memories with our kids and traveling together. But we have more than enough to pay for college, simchas, whatever comes so I let us breathe a bit. We don't do high end vacations. I cook all of our food in advance and travel smart, partly because I'm frugal but also because it's more enjoyable. We're not foodies so we don't go to high end restaurants. We go for sushi or pizza. It's about knowing what you like in life and focusing on that. The most expensive purse I own is worth 2k and I got it on clearance for 650. For the record, I have 6 pairs of shoes all together. Boots, sneakers, flats and heels. I don't think you should live so tightly if it bothers you bit that's a lifestyle choice for your family. We choose how we want to live, provided we have enough aside to weather a lost income or whatever else might come.

giftedmom

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 5:12 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

Can’t really appreciate what you have if you’re freaking out about the future all the time

amother

DarkRed

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 5:16 pm

amother Honeydew wrote:

This is wonderful. Maybe I should start a spin-off but if you are a career woman (just guessing because of the work car), how much of your day do you spend working and how much time do you have with your kids (or for yourself, before kids come home).

I was recently offered a huge life changing opportunity that would potentially give us financial freedom but would leave me out of the house (or home and unavailable) for many hours. I’m so completely petrified but at the same time super excited about the potential. I’m in your age bracket, for reference, so no little babies at home anymore…

amother

Black

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 5:18 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Can’t really appreciate what you have if you’re freaking out about the future all the time

Strongly disagree. We just automatically invest the money and then don’t think about is. We do spend time talking about how grateful we are for our family, kids, home, jobs and so many other things.

amother

Snowflake

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 5:33 pm

About 15 millions on real estate.
Basically all rents that come in cover all the property expenses. Not much is left.
We have side incomes. It barely covers your expenses. Buy everything on sale, thrift shops. Kids go to day camp. We go to a camp in the summer, as I have a job. Could use some fixing in my house... I do feel like sometimes we could enjoy our money better... But there is nothing really missing.
We have an older car. It doesn't bother me.
I do see a lot of people around me collecting money ( to lease the latest model car, etc) ...BH I don't have to collect!

amother

Tulip

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 5:38 pm

How many kids do you have? How many tuitions?

We live on around 10-11k a month net. We have 4 kids, 3 tuitions. Mortgage+tax is 3.5k for a very very modest house in NY.

I don't think 10k is a lot to live on.
My house is in desperate need of some renovations. We need a new roof, the ac is on its last legs.... the carpet is 30 years old and needs to be replaced.... the trees need to he trimmed.... the grass and shrubs pruned and maintained. We own one used car that also is on its last legs....
But we're living month to month. A mini 2 day getaway every 3-4 years is "vacation"
$200 at a restaurant for our anniversary and maybe 2-3 x during the year for half or less of that is "spending".

I wish I could figure out a way to go on fancy or semi fancy vacations on this income.
I don't know how people live on less.
We shop Walmart and target.

If I were you, I'd probably save btwn 1/4 and max a 1/3 of that 20k income. Especially that you already have a nice amount in savings/investments.