Tell me I'm not the only one!

amother

Apricot

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 8:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm such an aggressive driver. I admit it. I beep when seeing ppl backing out of driveways or out of parking spots to be able to pass through first. I beep continuously at green lights. I beep when someone is making a u-turn to let me go first. This morning there was a truck in front of me that refused to move so I called the company to call the driver.

I drive the speed limit and very carefully. I just can't stand the slow ppl on the road like the ones driving extra slow and then finally pull over to the side. Or ppl that try and get away with making u-turns. Don't block the whole street for doing something illegal! I never make u-turns. I don't cut ppl off on the road. I just don't let them come in front of me like someone backing out of a driveway or parking spot.
Anyone else? Hiding

Ugh I hate drivers like you. It’s bad middos. Patience is savlanus and something you should strive for. I wouldn’t be bragging about a serious character flaw. Road rage and aggressive driving is just negative energy and can have ripple effects… if I encounter a nasty driver and I’m already having a hard day- it’s really not pleasant. I just tell myself this person is not well…

I don’t know why you’re posting this. On behalf of all drivers on the road- please do us all a favor- even if there is a slow driver - take a chill pill. You never know why someone is driving slow…

I’m a fast driver but I rarely rarely honk ever and I drive a lot in Brooklyn and it’s a hub for traffic… I just don’t see the point.

Just yesterday a car in front of me stopped and I waited. He then realized that I couldn’t pass him so he closed his minivan doors and moved up a few feet so I can pass. I didn’t honk even once and I was really proud of myself and him. It was just a pleasant mentchlich experience.

My husband drives like you and honestly it’s really not attractive. Not for a woman and not for a man.

amother

Black

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 9:33 pm

amother Brickred wrote:

Nope, there are plenty of people like you!
I know because they're the ones who cause me to hate driving and therefore often be stuck at home with my kids all the time. I know because if I meet too many of them, my anxiety goes way up for the rest of the day and affects how I interact with my family.
So don't worry, lots of drivers like you in the world!

Was going to come here to post exactly this.

amother

Oak

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 9:44 pm

OP, I'm curious. How do you interact with pedestrians? If a pedestrian is crossing at a light or at a crosswalk, do you honk at them? Start turning while they are still in the street?

If there's a yellow light turning red, do you edge into the crosswalk and then sit there, blocking pedestrians from crossing safely?

I walk a lot and I see a lot of impatient drivers who have no patience for pedestrians and are also 100% in the wrong.

amother

Mocha

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 10:52 pm

amother Oak wrote:

I'm not OP, but I honk at pedestrians who are looking at their phones while they cross the street and ambling. I have been known to honk if two people are having a conversation while they walk and crossing leisurely without looking where they are going.

amother

Mocha

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 11:05 pm

What do people do when you're behind a car at a red light and it goes green and the car in front of you doesn't move? I give a short tap to let them know. Someone told me this is rude and I have to count slowly to five first.

Also, different neighborhoods are going to have different unwritten rules. In some streets or intersections, stopping to let people in when they don't have the right of way is actually dangerous- it's unpredictable, which confuses people. I have a friend who regularly stops and waves people ahead of her when they have a stop sign and she doesn't at an intersection where often they've been waiting awhile, particularly if she sees someone who she knows lives right there- she wants to do a chesed. And she has almost caused multiple accidents, and gets upset when people honk at her.

amother

Mocha

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 11:08 pm

GLUE wrote:

Why do people have to run across the street?
You will still get to your destination before them.

It's not that they're not running. They're not paying attention, which is dangerous. Often they are so unfocused and slow that they are still in the road when a light changes and they don't notice. Otherwise, careful is fine. Ambling is not courteous to others.

ETA that I was taught that as a pedestrian, any time spent in the street is potentially dangerous. I absolutely should never rush, and I don't have to speed walk, but I should not spend more time there than necessary. If I need to walk slow, fine. If not, it's not a good idea.

amother

Oak

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 11:11 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

I don't look at my phone while crossing but I have definitely "ambled" across the street. I've "ambled" the time that I hurt my foot (invisible injury, you wouldn't have noticed it), when I'm crossing with a toddler or preschooler, when I'm holding heavy groceries, and when I'm tired and don't have the energy to walk fast. Maybe I've even ambled because I was enjoying the day and strolling. (Yes, I may have "crossed leisurely"!)

When crossing in a marked croswalk (and with a green light, if relevant), pedestrians have the right of way. Even if they're ambling. Even if they're with a reallllllly slow toddler. Even if they are elderly or disabled or have an injury that makes them walk slowly. Even if they're just lazy!

And if you honk at them, you're not a road warrior who's all about making sure that that everyone obeys traffic laws and honoring the right of way. You're just an impatient person who can't bear to wait while someone exercises their legal right of way.

amother

Mocha

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 11:16 pm

amother Oak wrote:

None of this is ambling. What I mean is a relaxed, slow pace, like taking a slow walk because it's nice, not because it's how you walk. Walking with kids, walking slow but aware, fine. I don't think lazy is ok,the same as it's not ok to drive very slowly on a one lane road for no reason (again, looking for a specific house, being extra careful for various reasons, etc, are fine; looking at the pretty houses isn'tif there are people behind you). And definitely not stopping in the middle, catching a pass, and keep going, which I have seen more times than I believe.

amother

Black

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 11:31 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

What do people do when you're behind a car at a red light and it goes green and the car in front of you doesn't move? I give a short tap to let them know.

This reminds me of a Terry Pratchett quote:
"The shortest period of time in the universe is the New York second, which is the amount of time that passes from when the light in front of you turns green and the taxi behind you starts honking."
Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

amother

Oak

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 11:46 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

There are minimum driving speeds expected of cars. I have never seen an expectation of a minimum walking speed for pedestrians (other than the assumptions used to calculate crosswalk light intervals, but that's advisory, not legally binding). Thus the car analogy doesn't hold.

I'm not sure what's wrong with "taking a slow walk because it's nice," but I will remind you are not a mind reader and actually have no idea why someone is walking slowly.

I've been honked at more times that I can count when there were obvious reasons for my slow speed (a slowly walking child, carrying heavy groceries, accompanying an elderly person) and really think that drivers have forgotten that when pedestrians have the legal right of way, there is no obligation for them to speed up for you.

imanotmommy

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 12:41 am

amother Dandelion wrote:

Depends on the honk. A quick tap or two is equivalent to saying something. But leaning on the horn for 10 seconds is not equivalent to just saying something.

I'm not saying no one should ever honk. But even tapping the horn can sometimes be like calmly announcing a message to a room full of people who don't speak your language.
So as not to take the analogy way too far, I'll just talk about honking... Sometimes it's obvious to everyone on the road why you honked. Great. But if it isn't, then there may be 10 people pausing to wonder if they went through a red light, are driving in the wrong direction, left a cup of coffee on top of their car, have smoke pouring out of the tailpipe, missed a speed limit sign and are going too fast or slow, etc. and being distracted (plus possibly slowing down, speeding up, or moving over unnecessarily) by that honk

amother

Rainbow

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 12:43 am

I have been OP. Usually when I was in a fight with my husband or when I had a hard day at work. I would consciously take it out on strangers in the cars around me.
I've stopped bcz. I'm scared someone will recognize me.
The one thing I can't abide is when people cut in to a long line of drivers waiting to turn. The light only allows a small number of people to turn and the line builds up. So it's regular practice for people to drive in the going straight lane and then cut in to turn. It can be 3 or 4 cars each time the light turns green. And that is something I cannot stand and will not allow someone to cut me. I've been yelled at for that and I'm trying to work on it, but I hate being taken advantage of.

amother

Mocha

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 12:56 am

amother Oak wrote:

I hear you. What bothers me most is people looking at their phones- I assume you agree on that. I have also seen two women or teens walking slowly as they turn and point things out to each other as they walk- look at that house, I see a friend- let's wave! I was always taught that when you take a nice, leisurely walk, you walk expediously across the street and then go back to your leisure. I have never honked at anyone at any pace if they are focused on making it across the street, even if it is glacial. And while I hate the phone thing (see the literature on the dabgers of distracted walking), if they are crossing directly, fine.

Do people really think pedestrians have no responsibility other than staying in the cross walk?

WhatFor

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 2:00 am

First of all, OP, in many if not most places it's actually illegal to honk unless to warn someone of danger. Everyone can look up their own local driving regulations/laws, but yes, this often applies in major cities to. "Oh, but no one enforces that there/everyone does it?" Well the same grace can be applied to people you believe are violating the laws, like by making u-turns.

Which, by the way, is not blanketly illegal. If it were, driving teachers wouldn't use multiple sessions on k-turns and u-turns. Granted there are rules about it, and maybe they're violating those rules, but what is it that you're really wishing for? If they can't make the u-turn there, should we guess what's likely to happen? I'm going with they're going to go to the next intersection and wait for the light to turn green and turn off there. Only now, they'll be waiting not only for opposing traffic to clear, but also for any and all pedestrians crossing on the green to clear the intersection. So in all likelihood, you'd probably anyway be sitting there leaning on your horn, just further up the street.

Not to mention, in a world with a "no u-turn anywhere" philosophy, you'd just be setting up a situation for drivers to needlessly spend extra time on the road, increasing traffic, wasting more fuel, creating more general pollution, and more opportunities for drivers like you to increase noise pollution. When someone makes a u-turn from in front of you, you can choose to appreciate that they're not in your way anymore. Hooray!

WhatFor

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 2:02 am

Anyway, I'm not sure what your original goal was with your OP. If you wanted ways to change your pattern to be happier, I'll throw out some ideas. I'm generally more of the opinion that it's more effective to try to focus on what one "will" do instead of focusing on what one "won't" do, especially when the unwanted behavior is an engrained habit. But people absolutely can change their thought processes and brains. Right now your brain is trained to focus on the negative. You can do exercises to focus on positive:

1. Every time you get in your car, for the duration of your drive, come up with and say out loud 3 things that you're grateful for. Especially helpful if you relate these things to driving.
2. Every night, write a paragraph about something positive you experienced on the road that day. Include your 5 senses to the extent you can. What were you feeling, seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting? It doesn't have to be anything major. Maybe you enjoyed a specific moment when your favorite song came on. Maybe you enjoyed the taste of a latte or a moment when the breeze came through the window. If you know that you need to journal about it, eventually, while you're in the car, your brain is going to start looking for stuff to write about.
3. Random act of kindness for someone on the road. Every time you get in the car, try to find one nice thing you can do for another driver. Maybe it's letting a car in. Maybe in your case it's giving some sort of kind indicator like "it's okay" when someone does something that you would ordinarily lean on the horn for.

If you commit to doing those 3 things at least once a day, or whenever you get in the car, for at least a few weeks or a month, odds are that your brain will literally change its processes, without you having to try to stop being angry.

And if it turns out that it is illegal to use your horn the way you do where you live, then it might help you if, when leaning on the horn, you yell loudly "only my imperfections are acceptable! No one else's imperfections are permitted! Only mine!" It would add humor and make your brain feel a bit silly, maybe eventually taking all the rush of the presumed moral superiority out of it.