Tell me I'm not the only one!

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 2:50 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

Ha!
I live in Switzerland, and it's against the law, as in really illegal, to honk unless it's an emergency.
Either police is nearby and catches you, or the other driver reports your license plate and you get a 500.- chf (+/- 500 $) fine

This is also cultural. In town has different rules than out of town. Sometimes if a light turns green and the driver in front of me is just standing there, I'll give a little beep as a nudge, which is very normal here in NYC. But leaving your fist on your horn for 10 seconds would be obnoxious.

Cheiny

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 2:51 pm

amother Tuberose wrote:

I remember my principal in high school 15 years ago saying how people can get behind the wheel and become a monster. He said that it stems from a deep gaava- “I” am the most important one on the road. No one else has places to go and things to do…

OP, this behavior is truly disgusting. It’s mean and scary. Is that how you are trying to come across to the other people in the cars? (Yes they are people, not self driving robots)
You can drive perfectly well and get where you need to go (in the same amount of time, mind you) without scaring other people on the road.
How about the mother with the crying newborn, who’s trying to drive safely? How about the dignified rav of your shul who you accidentally beeped before realizing it was him?
How embarrassing for you!
Please work on your middos

I disagree with the principal. I think many times the opposite is true. The person who won’t allow anyone to pull out in front of him, or who is otherwise very bothered by other drivers, is actually suffering with low self esteem and is getting triggered by those he feels are trying to take advantage of him, because it reminds him of other times in his life that he felt taken advantage of, or made to feel badly about himself..,

Cheiny

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 2:55 pm

amother Chocolate wrote:

As a slow driver (license for just under a year), the extra honking used to make me very anxious. I've since come to realize, that I won't be able to drive like that. It absolutely doesn't faze me when you honk behind me. I will continue driving at my pace, because that's how I feel safe. I will continue make a slower turn, because that's how I feel safe.

It’s actually dangerous to drive much below the speed limit, especially on highways.

amother

Topaz

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 2:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm such an aggressive driver. I admit it. I beep when seeing ppl backing out of driveways or out of parking spots to be able to pass through first. I beep continuously at green lights. I beep when someone is making a u-turn to let me go first. This morning there was a truck in front of me that refused to move so I called the company to call the driver.

I drive the speed limit and very carefully. I just can't stand the slow ppl on the road like the ones driving extra slow and then finally pull over to the side. Or ppl that try and get away with making u-turns. Don't block the whole street for doing something illegal! I never make u-turns. I don't cut ppl off on the road. I just don't let them come in front of me like someone backing out of a driveway or parking spot.
Anyone else? Hiding

I feel like I wrote this post myself. It’s so hard in the moment but I really try to remain calm and safe. I just don’t have any patience

username11

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 2:56 pm

amother Chartreuse wrote:

Why is everyone responding to OP like she's the dangerous driver and rude driver?

She said clearly she is a safe driver.

Aggressive driving does not mean dangerous.

But the people OP has no patience for, cars who drive slower than the speed limit, make illegal u-turns in the middle of the road, etc, are both unsafe and highly inconsiderate.

It is dangerous because her honking can make someone who is being cautious make a wrong decision and get into an accident.
I remember reading in a magazine can’t remember which one, a man in Lakewood felt so bad because he was behind someone trying to make a left, he honked her and she went and almost got into an accident

Cheiny

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 2:59 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

My DH is like you.

Before I got married, I touched the horn probably twice a year.

Now, I find myself honking a few times a week!

Some things are so irrating- like yes, slow drivers, ppl doubleparked and blocking the road- which is SOO COMMON LIKE WHY????, kids playing dangerously in the street....

I wish these bothered me less

Yesterday some young woman completely cut me off from the left lane (I was in right lane) without even noticing my car, and I honked because she was about to hit me, and then I saw she was looking down at her phone (that explained it), and she had the chutzpah to get angry at me for honking, so she leaned on her horn for about a minute straight. Some people’s behavior is really dangerous….

Cheiny

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 3:01 pm

singleagain wrote:

Unless they don't have the right of way in the coming out of a driveway or parking spot or something. Why you literally almost never get there faster.

I was once driving down a 25 mph road and saw that the light was yellow so I took my phone off the brake and started to coast. The guy behind me was so annoyed he drove around me and he still had the red light. Literally are not saving anytime.

.

His thinking was probably that he didn’t want to get stuck behind you after the light either because you’d be going slow then too…

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 3:10 pm

username11 wrote:

Not sure why I feel like channeling dh in this thread. Personally I'm a chill driver. But his response to your post would be that nervous drivers are dangerous, not that much different from reckless drivers. And he does have a point.

singleagain

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 3:47 pm

Cheiny wrote:

His thinking was probably that he didn’t want to get stuck behind you after the light either because you’d be going slow then too…

I was driving a normal speed and just took my foot off the gas. Didn't even his the break at the yellow ... Yeah he probably thought that..but then he wasn't paying that great attention or maybe he had just turned it into the street behind me after I took my foot off the gas. Still should not have raced around me. It's a bit reckless.

amother

Skyblue

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 4:25 pm

amother Brown wrote:

I hope you don’t mind me asking, are you consciously aware that there are actual people in those cars? If you were both walking, would you yell at someone? Why are you in such a rush that you can’t have a little derech eretz? I really don’t understand the aggressiveness, especially where I live where everyone knows almost all the drivers are frum…why does bein adam l’chaveiro just go out the window when you’re driving?

And I know this seems like I’m attacking you but I’m really not trying to. I just don’t get it. Like do you not associate cars with people?

Didn't read all the responses but so much THIS.

OP, your lack of planning or lack of self-healing is not an emergency on anyone elses part.

Why are you so panicked about being a few seconds later? Maybe leave earlier next time? Do you dislike your own company or the world so much that sitting a few extra moments to give grace and kindness to another person via patience upsets you because you have to face yourself or look around?

There are things to see. Things to think about. Prayers to say. Smiles to share. Music to listen to. Leave earlier and set an intention to be present and use this opportunity to grow.

amother

Skyblue

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 4:40 pm

amother Chartreuse wrote:

I'm sure you've already been informed later on in the thread but aggressive driving IS dangerous driving. DEFENSIVE driving is safe driving and she is doing the OPPOSITE of it.

It's being mindful of other drivers and being patient, slowing down, etc to be aware of the other cars on the road.

She has a case of denial that she is enabling in herself by picking on "going the speed limit" to whitewash the dangerous things she is doing.

As a sidenote, she's just not being mentchlich.

Dan l'kaf zchus. I can't tell you how many times I've made mistakes while driving and was appreciative of the people and drivers around me being safe and DEFENSIVE and just giving me space.

The other day I was driving on a road with no posted speed limit when I lost service and my gps wouldn't function. I couldn't pull over. Only one lane in each direction. Mountain road. I wasn't comfortable going any faster than SLOW because I didn't know the speed limit or what turn is coming next and didn't want to crash.

I tried to pull over but got stuck in the mud and had to back up into the highway with another car slowing down for me and I just accepted that I will be holding up traffic for a few more minutes and was at peace.

All the people behind me were kind and when there was space, went ahead of me. They were not jewish. Is that a kiddush Hashem of the OP? We "claim" to be better but then are proud for not doing better?

She is obviously meant to be faced with that challenge in that moment and keeps not overcoming that growing experience that it's meant to be so she keeps being faced with it.

She can lean into it and grow. Use it as an opportunity to explore her fears that are coming up and become a better person in other areas because it's a window into her stress/fears/anxiety etc.

But definitely NOT safe. Safe is having regard for other people on the road being human and she is not doing tha.t

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 4:56 pm

amother Skyblue wrote:

Again. People are responding to what OP didn't say. She will beep if someone makes an illegal u-turn in the middle of the road. It's rude and unsafe to make illegal u-turns.

Your situation was not that.

And yes I meant defensive driving, not aggressive.

amother

Skyblue

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 5:18 pm

amother Chartreuse wrote:

She said she only beeps because she wants to go first. Not because a "hey. it's dangerous".

I flashed someone today a few times because it was POURING rain where I was and their headlights weren't on. It was honestly difficult to see them. I was fine but flashed them for THEM.

And then I moved lanes when they put their lights on. Nothing about me being upset at them for doing something wrong.

I also made a K-Turn on a one lane highway the other day. It was empty and I had no idea where I was going. While making that turn, a car showed up and just nicely waited.

Was I in the right? No. I probably should've skipped the thing I saw on the side of the road that piqued my interest. But 2 wrongs don't make a right.

And honking like a maniac because I took up a minute from your time is NOT safe.

People are responding to what she is saying. Her issue is patience and lack of ability to accept that part of safe driving is knowing that people will make mistakes and do things wrong. If that stresses you out or gives you an excuse to add to the chaos on the road, that's on you and not ok.

People will make mistakes. I can give you multiple examples where I've made mistakes and being impatient is only making things worse. And, I'm a SAFE driver for the most part (never got a ticket. Follow the speed limit, observe drivers and give space if it seems they have no patience, move lanes if someone is tailing me etc. And yet still make mistakes).

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 5:28 pm

amother Skyblue wrote:

And if I'm waiting in line at the supermarket and someone with a full cart cuts right in front of me without a word, I will say something. That's not about safety, it's rude.

Beeping impatiently may or may not be rude, but not following the rules of the road is inconsiderate and often rude, as well.