What's a reasonable consequence ?

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 8:20 am

amother OP wrote:

Vitamins were not within reach. Son just climbed up onto the counter and took them off. And he's never done that IN the past so I would consider this a normal and safe place. I'm sure if you take a poll most families don't have a lock on their medicine chest with normal kids around... He you want to ensure safety you can lock up your detergents and oils too cuz hey they might decide to drink full bottle... My child is many times up from as early as four thirty or five and abbot fall back asleep. I don't believe in torture of him staying in bed awake more than an hour so I allow him to come out. He usually looks at books plays and yes sometimes makes a mess with the toys or takes a nosh without asking but I usually don't comment cuz yes I know I chose him to be unsupervised. But I seriously don't think that he will have a functional and calm Mom if I stay up with him from so early. And experience taught me he's safe and is doing fine and if he wants something he doesn't hesitate to wake me. So this mischievous vitamin playing was once a year happening and they weren't consuming they know it's dangerous they just made a huge mess and money loss. I know I was enabling this to happen but if I don't teach them to take responsibility why should they care to do again? Or similar. They know it's totally wrong.

So you want to teach your kids responsibility, but you're being irresponsible & negligent yourself??
You're the parent, you cannot leave your kids unsupervised, regardless of how well behaved you think they are.
If they took knives chas v'shalom, would you also try to justify it? Or walked out the front door, turn on a flame?? Little kids cannot be left unsupervised.
And how do you know that they didn't eat vitamins??
When my kids wake early, I bring them in to my room with books & toys & I lock the door.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 8:29 am

amother Cadetblue wrote:

and when you use the bathroom do you lock up your knives? If not then hey wyour kids are in danger!

lamplighter

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 8:47 am

OP, you were wrong to leave them unsupervised. Kids that age need adult supervision. Of course if they make a mess, they should be expected to clean it up, but how do you expect your children to take responsibility when you aren't taking responsibility either.
I've had kids who wake up crazy early, it's horrible but I got up with them. It's just what you do.
You can't sleep and then just expect them to be safe and not make a mess.

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 9:20 am

amother OP wrote:

and when you use the bathroom do you lock up your knives? If not then hey wyour kids are in danger!

Knives are out of kids reach at all times.
Stop trying to justify your negligent behavior & trying to blame your kids for your irresponsibility.
Ages 3 & 5 are really young to be left unsupervised.

lilytee

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 10:47 am

amother OP wrote:

so you've prob missed the post where I wrote vitamins were high up child climbed up.

When my child started doing this we installed magnetic locks on all cabinets and drawers. They exist for this very reason.

Your children are not the first to do this, in fact it’s extremely healthy for them to want to explore. Our jobs as parents is to help them explore in a safe manner.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 10:49 am

I'm totally not trying to blame my kids as you can understand from my original post. I was super calm about it and didn't blame cuz I know they were unsupervised when best would be If they ywere. But I was just trying to teach my kids to not engage in such behavior anymore and was wondering what would be an appropriate consequence. If there would be no consequence there is no reason why such incidents shouldn't turn into daily activities. Isn't that what parenting is all about? Kids test your boundaries and learn through your reaction what's okay and tolerated. And he I okay this view can technically also happen when mom is nursing baby or is using the bathroom. Yes kids need supervision but need to know that even when they are not supervised same rules apply. I actually liked what one poster suggested not getting a vitamin candy that day. And I don't think it's overdone if explained with the right tone of voice.

lilytee

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 10:53 am

amother OP wrote:

You are right that kids need to be taught right from wrong as well as learn what is acceptable in your house, however kids will naturally explore and push boundaries. There is no way unless using scare tactics with long lasting negative effects to teach children right from wrong in one go. That would be amazing.
A natural consequence would be to help clean up the mess they made while explaining why what they did is wrong and that it is not ok for them to do this. Kids don’t have the attention span to understand disconnected consequences. Meaning if it isn’t right then they won’t connect the dots…

chanatron1000

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 10:56 am

amother OP wrote:

Vitamins were not within reach. Son just climbed up onto the counter and took them off. And he's never done that IN the past so I would consider this a normal and safe place.

Climbing to counter height isn't much of a climb, even for a small child. And children do things they've never done all the time. They're constantly reaching new stages of development with new abilities. Things that need to be kept out of reach of children need to be locked up or otherwise placed somewhere they won't plausibly be able to get to, not just somewhere they could get to but haven't yet.

amother

Daylily

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 10:58 am

Our rule is if the kids are quiet, that means they are probably doing something they are not supposed to at that age.
Vitamins should be locked away, along with detergents and anything else that could be dangerous.
Oil/ketchup/flour is not dangerous so if they have access to it -consequence for their parent bot for the kids!
Natural result - they should help clean up.
Learning - BH they didn't harm themselves but this is not safe, yyou can't sleep when your kids are up at that age. No getting around that.

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 11:17 am

amother OP wrote:

But you are trying to put the blame on your kids. You don't seem to understand that little kids need supervision at all times. 3 & 5 are way too young to understand by themselves not to get in to age appropriate trouble. Your children didn't do anything wrong. What they did was really age appropriate & they don't deserve a punishment for that.
If you don't want that those incidents should turn in to daily activities, then your kids need better supervision.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 2:38 pm

I'm stunned by all responses and pls answer honestly. Are your vitamins home locked up? Your detergents? Your knives? And pls answer honestly as well. If your five year old was up every other morning at five would you start your day then ? And on days that he's up four thirty would you stay up too? Even if I'm the past two years he's never done anything dangerous and this time too? He only played with it ... Isn't this worth a well rested calm mom? A mom not functioning cause was up with nursing baby at night and woken four thirty can be dangerous too! emotionally for sure... I'm wondering if the people posting here actually do what they suggest....

amother

Cinnamon

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 2:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes, that's what safety child locks are for, kitchen cabinets, cabinets with detergents or cleaning supplies, and so on. No, medicine should not be kept in a cabinet that is unlocked when there are small children. Everyone I know with small children utilizes those type of locks/fastenings.
(Preventing a tragic accident (c"v) takes precedence over being well rested, too.)

amother

Topaz

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 2:45 pm

My vitamins and meds are in a place my kids don't know where it is. If my kid wakes up at 4:30 I would get up if he doesn't want to cuddle. I would take a nap later if I can or have my dh take turns getting up with the kids. You are saying he only played with the vitamins...what happens next time he thinks it's candy? Who is responsible then? Knives are high up and my kids are not allowed knives until they turn 8.

mha3484

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 2:50 pm

All medicine is in a locked room that my kids can not access on their own. I keep anything dangerous away from them. You can overdose on vitamins especially ones that taste good.

Honestly, if my kids were up at 5, that's what coffee is for and I would try to shift my evening routine to the morning. If I have to be awake with them I may as well use my time well and go to bed early at night.

My kids like to help me cook and we constantly talk about knife safety so I trust them around 6/7 to cut an apple or something and no one has hurt themself. But they see me cutting vegetables and know how to do it safely. How to keep the fingers away etc.

ETA that my kids at 5 are very different then 3. Also one kid on their own makes less trouble then when they have a partner. I may let my 5 year old have more freedom in the morning but not with a 3 year old.

Last edited by mha3484 on Mon, Apr 08 2024, 3:00 pm; edited 1 time in total