What's $200???? | Imamother

amother

Tealblue

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 2:33 pm

amother Black wrote:

Some of these responses are nuts. Missed the point. Op is grateful! Sis in law is ungrateful! Sis in law was wrong to say that and seems entitled with her view on money and gov programs. I'd be annoyed too.

Yes totally nuts.

Cheiny

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 2:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

My father usually gives $200 per couple purim gelt.
My father was sick out of commission this year, and my mom said that he'll send everyone the money. I told my mother "thank you, it's a real help for yom tov".
My sister in law commented "really? What's $200? $200 is nothing. " I was so bothered by this. For her, that dresses her kids very expensive, is on government programs, $200 may be nothing. But for me, $200 is shoes for all my kids, or a nice amount of clothing, or money towards groceries... $200 means a lot to me.
Please let's try to be sensitive with our comments.

It was definitely insensitive and not smart of her to say that. She seems to think that since to her it doesn’t mean much (which it certainly should, especially to someone on govt programs!), that it’s a shared belief. What can you do. Tact isn’t a strong point for everyone.

amother

Carnation

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 2:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

For her it doesn't. But for many others, that don't spend almost $200 on a pair of shoes per kid, $200 goes a long way.
I think it's an insensitive comment to make.

Girl I don’t spend almost 200 on a pair of shoes but 200 isn’t going a long way. Any way you slice it it’s a drop in the bucket for an average frum family’s Pesach expenses. I went to multiple sales as well as a shoe gemach and dd11 still doesn’t have shoes. So I will likely need to buy full price at over 100 for just yom tov shoes. I’ll also need to buy her summer shoes on top of that. And clothes for all the kids, I can’t get away with target anymore and even kidichic is over $50 for just 1 outfit for 1 kid. And there’s also food, and paper goods, because I don’t have Pesach dishes …

What’s with your disdain for those of us on government programs. It means we are POOR. And need a lot more than $200.

You’re the one who decided to start talking about the finances at the seudah. It’s not the time or place. Your SIL was likely very triggered with your comment and I don’t blame her at all.

amother

Ebony

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 2:43 pm

I wouldn't say it like that, but sometimes the mountain of debts and expenses seems so gargantuan that $200 feels like a drop in the bucket. It's not minimizing $200, it's the level of overwhelmed I feel about the finances in general and how helpless I feel about making a dent in it.

That being said, we were gifted money on Purim and it definitely makes a difference and is greatly appreciated, even though at the end of the day we are still over our head in debt!

ittsamother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 2:51 pm

Regardless of whether $200 makes a difference in the grand scheme of things or not, it's still tremendously rude to say to the person who's giving it to you that it means nothing to you. Didn't we all learn as kids that if someone gives you a gift and it's not what you wanted, you just smile graciously and say thank you? Nobody wants to hear an 8-year-old at a birthday party say, "I don't need this, I already haaaave it" or the like, and it's the exact same concept here.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 2:53 pm

amother Carnation wrote:

Huh?

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:06 pm

amother Carnation wrote:

I'm not negating that you may be poor.
But I just want to make you aware that not everyone that's on government programs, is poor. (This isn't something I'm interested in going in to now.)
May hashem shower you with parnasa & hatzlacha & everything you need.

(And I didn't bring up finances at the sueda, I don't know how you're coming to this conclusion.)

newinbp

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:14 pm

That’s so nice that they give $200! Your family and parents should be benched! Someone gave us cash in a shalach manos, less than $200 but it was still a lot I thought and totally unexpected and I was awed by peoples generosity. Mi kamcha yisroel it’s so nice to give without any expectations of getting back in return

amother

Pansy

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:22 pm

OP I agree with you. $200 is a lot of money to give each couple as a Purim gift. It’s extremely nice of your parents to have this in mind, when they’re in the midst of a hospitalization.
Times have sure changed.

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:27 pm

amother Pansy wrote:

No one is hospitalized bh.

amother

Ebony

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:34 pm

I don't know if I've ever seen a thread with so many unwarranted assumptions!

OP, you did nothing wrong. Your SIL should not have said what she said, but hopefully it was a foot-in-mouth moment and not ongoing entitlement and ingratitude.

amother

Tealblue

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:35 pm

amother Pansy wrote:

Hospitalised?? What the....??

OP if I were you I'd give up and go home!!!

amother

Stonewash

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:35 pm

amother Papaya wrote:

Her OP actually said the words “counting on it”

In a follow up post she wrote the words big help

I was going off of what she originally wrote

She was counting on it in her head. How doesn’t it put pressure on her mom? Can she read her mind ?

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:41 pm

amother Carnation wrote:

Wow, you are a much more generous and nice mom than I am . DSW-go to clearance, at flats. Sorry I am not buying in to “frum brand/styles” here are your choices -blush or black.