If you have young children do you fast?

amother

Crimson

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 1:35 pm

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

Chassidish and never fasted, even as a girl.

Right, I'm sure that plenty who answered no fall in this category so it doesn't have anything to do with children and is therefore confusing the poll answers

amother

Chestnut

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 1:36 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

I voted Yes, asked a rav. My rav holds that, barring any illness or medical issues, women are required to fast minor fasts, unless pregnant or nursing. He holds the nursing exemption ends when baby turns two years old, even if the mother is nursing for longer.

The gemara (as well as other sources) says that women are always considered a choleh as women are weaker by nature then men. I think this is where women not fasting minor fasts stems from.

amother

Chestnut

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 1:37 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

I feel like this poll should also ask if you are chassidish and wouldn't fast even if you didn't have small children.

Not all chassidish sects don't fast minor fasts. Some hold that girls have to fast all fasts. Some hold that women that aren't pregnant or nursing have to fast.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 1:40 pm

amother Black wrote:

I have two and the oldest is 2 and half. since I stopped nursing ive been advised by my rav (aka my grandfather) to try to make it to chatzos.

I am a decent faster on my own except I am the definition of HANGRY - I get irritable and snappy and grumpy. I will probably not push myself past that this taanis because I need to be a mother to my precious children who dont deserve a hungry weak obnoxious mommy.

This is me. I am not an amazing faster but I’m ok to sit on the couch. When I have to run after kids I have no patience and I snap. I fast until chatzos so I can be a good mommy.

BatZion

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 1:51 pm

I got a psak in our first year of marriage that women of childbearing age should not be fasting at all, bar Yom Kippur and Tisha'a B'Av.

amother

White

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 1:54 pm

I’m heimish and never fasted minor fasts. I’m thinking of fasting this year because of the situation in Israel. The Jews fasted and davened for 3 days by the Purim story, I can do one.

But I do have a toddler under 2 who I will be chasing around a park or hearing whine indoors all day so I’m not sure. I don’t want to be too weak to take care of him patiently.

amother

Nemesia

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 2:09 pm

I answered before I saw you specified kids under 10. I didn't fast minor fasts when I had children under age 2, or maybe it was age 3. Or when I was pregnant. I didn't ask a shaila, as this is my family practice.

amother

Viola

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 3:06 pm

I get migraines from every fast which makes it close to impossible to take care of my kids. I asked a very well versed rav and he told me without hesitation to only fast TB and yk.

amother

DarkRed

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 3:19 pm

I fast all the fasts, major and minor. Never heard that any of them were optional. B"H I fast fairly well so I don't have the excuse of having a frail constitution.

amother

DarkPurple

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 3:46 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

I feel like this poll should also ask if you are chassidish and wouldn't fast even if you didn't have small children.

Chassidish, but DH is I didn’t grow up with it.
He always tells me not to fast (I still do have small children) and every time it makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. But he is adamant that our mehalech is that women with kids don’t fast

amother

Yellow

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 3:48 pm

When I’m nursing I don’t fast other than yk and 9 av

Now my youngest is 4 and I’ve been fasting since she stopped nursing at 2.5

amother

Snowdrop

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 4:03 pm

Unless I'm nursing or pregnant I always fast minor fasts. Tisha b'av I didn't fast when my baby was three days old. Also when it was a niche one year an so was in early pregnancy I was told to break it as I really didn't feel well.

I am a pretty good faster. Dh isn't and he breaks a minor fast if he doesn't feel well.

amother

DarkViolet

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 4:45 pm

Chassidish here. I fasted all fasts until I started having children but since then even when not nursing/ pregnant I just don't have the emotional energy to fast. I'm not a bad faster I just find I focus too much on it & don't really function the entire day.

amother

DarkViolet

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 4:48 pm

[quote="amother Daisy"]This makes me so jealous! I'm a horrible faster, fasting feels to me like having the flu in terms of weakness, strong headaches and ice cold hands and feet. I have children under 10 and I have to go to work on Thursday on top of that. Our rav holds women have to fast if not pregnant or nursing.
Sometimes I wonder if the fast counts as a mitzvah at all, as so many get a heter or have a custom to opt out.

On the other hand, maybe serves me right that I have to fast. We hold relatively lenient, MO type, on tzniut. So being doomed to be machmir in other areas maybe evens it out. Kind of, having to fast is the price for open sandals in the summer, who knows? Just musing.[/quote]

Lol on the bolded!

Fasting is a huge zechus, I can't imagine the fact that others get away with it diminishes any of that.

amother

Canary

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 5:03 pm

My family is bobov and though I no longer identify that way I don't fast on minor fasts. I also don't fast whole day on 9 av if pregnant or nursing. The only absolute is yom Kippur. Guess my bobov trauma was worth something lol.

amother

Poinsettia

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 5:16 pm

Grew up in my mother only fasted the YK & TBAv, with young kids and no help I can’t function without my coffee sorry I feel bad and really limit my food

I’ll see what I’ll do as the youngest gets older

amother

cornflower

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 6:40 pm

I generally try to fast. If I don’t feel well I have no problem breaking my fast early. The rav I asked years ago basically said ‘if you’re calling, you can break your fast’ so I when I feel like I should call I usually just eat. We hold the same way for our DDs (though they are more likely to just get in bed instead of breaking their fasts-some of us need to function, otherwise there is no food for anyone after the fast). I didn’t vote.

Growing up I always fasted (OOT, more modern).

Most would call us Lakewood yeshivish. My DH learned by R’ Dovid and is very much a Brisker in many ways, but not about this.

amother

Lotus

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 7:39 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

I only fast Yom kippur (with shiurim), and as long as I can on Tisha b’av.
Edit: forgot to add: I don’t fast for medical reasons, not because I have little kids.

Same here except my medical reasons is for mental health 🥹