Kids want but I can’t afford

amother

Junglegreen

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:57 am

amother Mustard wrote:

You shouldn’t be stopping her from earning her own money and choosing which store to shop in. It’s not ok to force her to get from a gemach when she can earn her own money and buy what she wants.

OP is in a really tough spot, I also don't think it's ok to make a 12 year old pay for her own clothing.

amother

Junglegreen

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:59 am

amother OP wrote:

No this Gmach everyone goes too. I’m outing where I live but basically she hosts these big stores and has gorgeous stuff. Even ladies find stuff.

Yes get tomchei shab

Is it a possibility for you & DH to look for a better paying position?
(May I ask what your combined income & family size is?)

amother

DarkGreen

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:28 am

amother Junglegreen wrote:

They can help you with budgeting and get more worth for your money.
RSK is also a good option.

Not true.

I know a few people who tried Mesila and were told their income was too low for them to help them.

amother

Taupe

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:39 am

amother OP wrote:

But that’s how I got into debt in the fist place.

Exactly this attitude.

(Also a few very high dental bills and car repairs really was the bulk of it. But just things like buying a few clothing items (on sale), or buying garbage bags or paper towels, every month it adds up and all of a sudden it’s 50k and snowballing every month) (and we can’t get any more balance tranfer offers because of poor credit)

Op, what credit card is your debt on?

savta3

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:43 am

OP, can you make a budget with X amount every month going to pay off your debt and a small amount for discretionary purchases? Otherwise it can get really depressing when you can never afford anything you want. By having a fixed sum you take off your debt you are being responsible and can see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if that tunnel is very long.

Simple1

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:48 am

amother Junglegreen wrote:

Is it a possibility for you & DH to look for a better paying position?
(May I ask what your combined income & family size is?)

This is your best long term solution. I know it’s easier said than done. I feel for your situation. Providing for teens can be very stressful. Hope it gets better for you.

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:50 am

amother Junglegreen wrote:

Is it a possibility for you & DH to look for a better paying position?
(May I ask what your combined income & family size is?)

So DH is kind of stagnant and struggles with depression. He’s not motivated to make more right now. He’s been in the same job for 5 years paying a drop under 50k.

I make almost double per hour but work less hours. So I make about 15k a year

So it’s a family of 6 making 65k. So we don’t get Medicaid for adults or snap, but we clearly aren’t covering all our expenses. We live in a voucher state so no tuition B”H

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:53 am

savta3 wrote:

So yes I know about budgeting and that’s ideal. I used to budget but at some point I would just get depressed every month to see how much we have shortfall .
The problem is how do I budget to pay off debt and have a drop extra when every month I am not making all the bills??

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:53 am

shprintz1 wrote:

Don’t read the whole thread but I would love to buy your kids floafers or help in any way I can.

Wow that’s so nice!

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:54 am

amother Wandflower wrote:

Where are you located that a twelve year old gets paid $6 an hour to babysit? I made more babysitting at 12 over two decades ago.

In my area it goes by grade.

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:55 am

Simple1 wrote:

This is your best long term solution. I know it’s easier said than done. I feel for your situation. Providing for teens can be very stressful. Hope it gets better for you.

Yes for sure. I daven every day that Hashem should help DH. For my, I make pretty high for my field, but I work part time because wouldn’t be worth it to work more (childcare, various other things).

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:56 am

writeread wrote:

What about a credit consolidation company? The type that negotiate straight with the credit cards?

We’ve been looking into it.had 0 percent for a long time and now the promo ended on a few cards so ya we are working on this. Any recommendations for good ones?

amother

Junglegreen

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:56 am

amother OP wrote:

Oy, that's hard. If he has an official diagnosis, he may qualify for some sort of disability funding.
If you don't pay tuition, which that's usually the biggest expense for a frum family, where does the $65K go to? How much is your housing costs?
Are the kids on medicaid or child health plus? Did you try to apply for family health plus, so you & DH are also covered for medical & dental?

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:57 am

amother Mustard wrote:

You shouldn’t be stopping her from earning her own money and choosing which store to shop in. It’s not ok to force her to get from a gemach when she can earn her own money and buy what she wants.

Where did I say im not letting her earn and spend her own money?

Im just saying I think 12 is too young to have to buy her own clothes. If she wants extra that’s fine

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:59 am

amother Junglegreen wrote:

No official diagnosis he doesn’t think he has an issue. And if he got disability he can’t work.

Housing is about 1400. Water, sewer, electric, gas, childcare, cell phone, internet, one car we are paying ($250 a month), food, private dental (which is subsidized by work), life insurance, car insurance…

Kids are on CHIP. DH and I just got kicked off Medicaid we don’t qualify anymore

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 11:08 am

amother Mustard wrote:

You shouldn’t be stopping her from earning her own money and choosing which store to shop in. It’s not ok to force her to get from a gemach when she can earn her own money and buy what she wants.

The kid is 12! Do you trust a 12yo to babysit your kids? I barely trust my 12yo with his own siblings for an hour, I would never allow him to babysit someone else's child in their home.

I'm all for allowing kids to earn cash but it needs to be age appropriate. It would take a long time for my 12yo to earn $100 to buy a dress.