Formula feeding. Let's put it into perspective

amother

Midnight

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:30 pm

amother Amber wrote:

I'm sorry for your loss. (Because yes, not being able to breastfeed when you really want to is a loss. Not being able to breastfeed when you don't want to isn't, but you clearly did.)

And it is absolutely true that there are women who cannot breastfeed no matter what.

At the same time, with enough education AND social supports in place, most - but by no means all - women can breastfeed.

And perhaps if all women had the education to know what's normal and what's not, they would be able to know for themselves if they can breastfeed or not. And they wouldn't have to go through what you did. They would know what needs to be tried, and if that fails, they would know it doesn't work for them. And they would be able to let go of their breastfeeding dream and move on to all the other wonderful ways they are their baby's best mama.

And the women who can't breastfeed because they're lacking the ability to do it what it takes, due to their other responsibilities etc, can also let go of their dream without guilt.

And the woman who choose not to breastfeed because they don't want to do what it takes, can also move on without judgment.

That's my wish. Unfortunately, reality is not that way. Everyone suffers from a lack of education and most people suffer from judgment. It's a lose-lose all around. Women get blamed for their choices or lack of choices. We need more opportunity, more compassion, and less judgment for everyone.

this. You are saying this a lot better than me

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:30 pm

amother Amber wrote:

That's not how you labeled this thread in the title. It's not what you wrote clearly in your OP.

You opened up a discussion and you don't own it now.

As a formula feeding mother, there is nothing in the title or OP that implies it's only for people with IGT or other idiopathic causes of low supply.

I am not judging people for formula feeding. But neither is it right to judge people for feeling grief. Or denying anyone else's feeding experience that differs from yours.

I wasn't responding to your post, it was a different one that bothered me and others on here.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:32 pm

amother Scarlet wrote:

There is a time and place for everything. This was a thread opened for formula feeders who have been educated and know about all that you preach, yet still settled for formula because of personal circumstances.

Coming in here and spouting your words of wisdom is a tone deaf response. It is like coming on to an infertility thread and posting about how to properly dtd, or how to figure out your cycles. And then proceeding to give said advice repeatedly to them even when they inform you that they are under the care of big doctors.

Now, if there's a thread where a mom is having trouble breastfeeding and wants some solutions, your advice may be well received there. But here in this thread, your words seem to be coming from someone who cannot read the room or from someone extreme in their views and lacks understanding to others.

Can I ask what you were hoping to accomplish by posting on this particular thread?

Thank you Scarlet. Not sure why your point seems so difficult for some to get....

amother

Midnight

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

Maybe open your own thread.

This thread is for those who formula feed, knowing that IT IS THE ONLY WAY to feed their babies.

Not for those who want to stand on their soapbox and claim that all woman can and should feed if only they wew educated.

I never said that last paragraph. I never said that all women can. There are are so many factors (even something as “simple” as the fact that the woman has other kids at home and can’t devote herself to nursing a kid around the clock). And I certainly never said that woman should nurse. Never have I said that so please do not put words in my mouth. I am simply saying to the women out there who desperately want to house but feel like they are limited by insufficient milk that they may be able to nurse. That’s it! Nothing more and nothing less. And one more thing - I think it’s rude to tell a grieving mother that she shouldn’t grieve because there’s worse problems out there.

amother

Midnight

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:42 pm

amother Scarlet wrote:

I’m sorry it’s not what you wanted to hear but OP ks coming on here and basically bashing anyone who feels bad about not being about to breastfeed and that’s not right sorry. And you shouldn’t assume that all women on this thread are educated about breastfeeding because the very smart people on my life weren’t. And as someone who went through infertility your comparison is way off base and hurtful

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:43 pm

How did this thread turn into a debate of formula vs breastfeeding I believe all op was trying to point out was if you struggle with a challenge in this case being not being able to breastfeed when you clearly want to, try to keep it in perspective that at least you have a yummy delicious baby in your hands and bh there is formula. Shes not even saying don’t mourn the loss of your dream (breastfeeding) just keep it in perspective

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:50 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

You're not helping yourself. Dishing out advice without taking stock of the room falls flat. Understanding the room and the situation is the first step in providing advice. It's very easy to keep repeating your mantra, but it is that first step of understanding the circumstances that provides the trust for what is to follow.

People generally have a hard time accepting advice from those who prefer to promote their views without regards to the circumstances.

Ftr, OP wasn't bashing. She actually displaying understanding and empathy by initiating this thread to support formula feeders.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:52 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

but there are women who are giving formula before they’ve even done one weight check. Again while that’s totally fine they are setting themselves up for not enough milk .

That's very rare. Most women who stop breastfeeding a week in are a) not interested in nursing at all b) find it too difficult to nurse and decide to formula feed instead

It's not typical for a woman who wants to nurse to give up or supplement enough formula that they lose all their supply before the two week mark.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:53 pm

amother Pewter wrote:

This education nonsense is ridiculous.

I tried to nurse my children. I utilized the lactation support in the hospital. I hired the supposed "top" lactation consultant in my city. I tried all the tips and trick and contraptions. I read books and articles online. It did NOT WORK. I was in tremendous pain, bleeding, my babies were miserable and constantly screaming. I was exhausted. I did all the things yet I had no milk. Squeeze my boob and nothing would come out. Not a drip.

And because of all you self-righteous, know-it-all women who placed such doubt in my mind that this could be my reality, it was SO hard for me to give in and give formula. Why did I have to feel so bad about myself and my body? Because you just can't keep your preaching to yourself.

This is exactly what I'm trying to say. That for many women it simply does not work to nurse and the answer is formula and one should never be shamed for it. How ridiculous!

Amother Midnight, I do not know many women like you describe.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:54 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

Yes, in a thread where people are coming for support, I wouldn't use that as a platform to question their choice or education. This is the place to assume they made their choices with due diligence.

If they ask for advice, then that's a different story. Again, there is a time and place for everything

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 3:56 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

great post . No one should feel that they need to nurse. My posts are aimed at the women who really want to nurse but feel like they can’t (and maybe some takka can’t)

This is exactly the problem Most women who want to nurse, go to great lengths to be able to do so. After doing everything possible and it failing, please don't convince yourself that you are doing right by your baby to continue nursing when there is not enough milk!!

amother

Seagreen

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 4:07 pm

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

I think OP's point is much needed.

I knew a woman who I swear kept her own children underweight because she wanted to nurse so badly. She told me, "I literally don't have milk, but I try anyway"

Please feed your baby!

I'm really ashamed to admit this but when my DD was 9 months old my milk supply plummeted, and I had been ebf and couldn't handle the thought of bottles. She ate the milk I had and whatever solids she was willing to eat but she was definitely underweight at that age. I was convinced that it was just her growth curve but looking back she probably should have started on bottles at that point.

I think this is more common than people want to admit.

bnm

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 4:19 pm

I have one kid that I wasn't planning on nursing long term but the goal was 6 weeks. I would nurse him for 40 minutes and then he would cry till he got a 2 ounce bottle. If I gave him a 2 ounce bottle without nursing he was happy for 2 hours. I told the lactation consultant something is wrong. It isn't my first child. Something feels different. She said everything looks ok. By 3 weeks old he was on special formula and I said I am not driving myself crazy. When the kid was almost 3 we had a swallow study done which showed he wasn't using his tounge right and wasn't swallowing right.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 4:36 pm

amother Fuchsia wrote:

Exactly this. Like you say, and scarlet also, I'm simply giving voice to those who would've liked to nurse but can't. A bit of perspective that's all.

So not sure why there's so much advice etc and talk about education, but when I suggested they open another thread for that I got called out.

But hope it gave those like me a voice.

amother

Hibiscus

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 4:41 pm

Don't try to convince me that I can nurse when I cannot! My babies always took a full formula feeding right after nursing. A friend told me "there's no such thing as not having enough milk, if Hashem gave you bre@sts you can nurse". Oh really? What about people with eyes that cannot see, ears that cannot hear, feet that cannot walk, uteruses that are infertile etc etc etc.

In the "olden days" there were wet nurses who fed other babies as a business. There were always women with this issue!

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 4:53 pm

amother Hibiscus wrote:

Treat this thread like a library. Only take the posts you want.

Ema of 5

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:25 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

I actually think this mentality is very much in the minority these days. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but the world has bH largely moved on from guilting moms who formula feed.

As someone who's nursed some kids and formula fed others depending on various circumstances, I actually struggled a lot more with people unable to understand or validate my disappointment at being unable to breastfeed than I did with anyone judging me for formula feeding. My point being, that if we all agree we shouldn't judge a mother on how she chooses to feed her baby, that should include those who want to nurse and are sad if they can't. They also deserve a judgement free zone.

I disagree. Just read through some of the threads here. “Bottle feeding is perfectly fine IF you have tried everything else.” When women post about feeling guilty about bottle feeding, they are ALWAYS asked if they have tried everything, and they are ALWAYS told to just try a little longer.
Everyone deserves to be able to feed their baby without judgement, no matter how they are doing it.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:31 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

I'm not bashing anyone who formula feeds and is upset about it. I just posted my perspective, which it seems many posters appreciate.

And noone needs to assume whether formula feeders are educated, smart or anything really. Noone on this thread is asking for advice.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 6:35 pm

amother Broom wrote:

I have only ff one baby but I haven't been on the receiving end of even one comment that could be considered unsupportive. I'm assuming I'm just lucky.. but it's not ubiquitous.

IRL same, never been made to feel there's anything wrong. Total support. It's only on here I find there's too much judgement