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-> Parenting our children
effess
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 Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:17 pm
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Imasinger thank you for modeling positive and constructive communication.
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amother
Eggplant
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:18 pm
| CPenzias wrote: | I'm sorry op. Your daughter will be forgiving in the morning iyh.
Maybe work on an incentive chart. If she comes out only one or 2 times she earns a sticker. X number of stickers earns a prize |
Huh?? Who are you to say this??? You are justifying abuse and basically telling OP that what she did is not a big deal!!!
She twisted her child's arm!!! A little 3 year old that can't stand up for herself!!
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giselle
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:18 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | She has a normal bedtime consisting of a book, shema, kiss, tucked in and a cd to listen to. She has a weighted blanket which doesn't even help. She gets right back out of bed and runs around wild until I send her back to bed. She does it as a game. Idk what else to do. She doesn't understand the concept of a reward chart. |
Is it possible she’s not ready for a bed?
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amother
Aster
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:18 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | She has a normal bedtime consisting of a book, shema, kiss, tucked in and a cd to listen to. She has a weighted blanket which doesn't even help. She gets right back out of bed and runs around wild until I send her back to bed. She does it as a game. Idk what else to do. She doesn't understand the concept of a reward chart. |
Great so what you taught her tonight is when you don't know what else to do hurt someone
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happy7
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:19 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | She has a normal bedtime consisting of a book, shema, kiss, tucked in and a cd to listen to. She has a weighted blanket which doesn't even help. She gets right back out of bed and runs around wild until I send her back to bed. She does it as a game. Idk what else to do. She doesn't understand the concept of a reward chart. |
Not a popular opinion, but you might want to try a hook and eye on the outside of the room.
You tell her, I am going to close the door for five minutes. If you stay in bed for the five minutes, I will open the door. If not, I will have to keep the door locked until you are sleeping. You tell her: I will always unlock the door before I go to sleep.
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giselle
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:20 pm
| amother Powderblue wrote: |
But for people to tell you they’ve never ever ever used physical force or manipulation on their kids is probably not true… |
What? I’ve never used physical force on my kids.
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amother
Eggplant
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:20 pm
| amother Powderblue wrote: | Voice of dissent here.
It’s never ok to hurt a child. You need to figure out other methods.
BUT, it is in the realm of normal. NOT OK, but most parents do end up using light physical force with their children.
Yes, you were at your wits end. You were triggered. You were exhausted.
You also know it was NOT the right thing to do.
But for people to tell you they’ve never ever ever used physical force or manipulation on their kids is probably not true… |
There are different levels of physical force. Twisting the arm of a little kid? Absolutely not ok.
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amother
Linen
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:20 pm
| CPenzias wrote: | I'm sorry op. Your daughter will be forgiving in the morning iyh.
Maybe work on an incentive chart. If she comes out only one or 2 times she earns a sticker. X number of stickers earns a prize |
This is the most productive response so far. Shkoyach!
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amother
Poppy
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:21 pm
| happy7 wrote: | Not a popular opinion, but you might want to try a hook and eye on the outside of the room.
You tell her, I am going to close the door for five minutes. If you stay in bed for the five minutes, I will open the door. If not, I will have to keep the door locked until you are sleeping. You tell her: I will always unlock the door before I go to sleep. |
Terrible idea. Don’t do this. Please get help. There’s so much out there.
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amother
Eggplant
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:21 pm
| happy7 wrote: | Not a popular opinion, but you might want to try a hook and eye on the outside of the room.
You tell her, I am going to close the door for five minutes. If you stay in bed for the five minutes, I will open the door. If not, I will have to keep the door locked until you are sleeping. You tell her: I will always unlock the door before I go to sleep. |
This is also abusive.
What is wrong with people.
Parents are supposed to make their kids feel safe. Not scare them in to complying.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:21 pm
[quote="happy7"]Not a popular opinion, but you might want to try a hook and eye on the outside of the room.
You tell her, I am going to close the door for five minutes. If you stay in bed for the five minutes, I will open the door. If not, I will have to keep the door locked until you are sleeping. You tell her: I will always unlock the door before I go to sleep.[/quote
I have tried shutting her door but I hear her from the outside and she can't be trusted.
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amother
Linen
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:21 pm
| happy7 wrote: | Not a popular opinion, but you might want to try a hook and eye on the outside of the room.
You tell her, I am going to close the door for five minutes. If you stay in bed for the five minutes, I will open the door. If not, I will have to keep the door locked until you are sleeping. You tell her: I will always unlock the door before I go to sleep. |
This sounds terrifying.
Maybe putting a gate outside the door so if she opens it she can't actually leave her room?
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effess
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:21 pm
Moms, be kind to an overwhelmed mom!
She’s willing to learn from you if you say it nicely.
Getting rocks thrown her way will not help.
She knows it was bad.
Read between the lines, she’s not feeling good about herself.
Your kind guidance can help her and her dear child.
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:22 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | She has a normal bedtime consisting of a book, shema, kiss, tucked in and a cd to listen to. She has a weighted blanket which doesn't even help. She gets right back out of bed and runs around wild until I send her back to bed. She does it as a game. Idk what else to do. She doesn't understand the concept of a reward chart. |
Rebbetzin Spetner always says no chinuch (temporarily, in this case ignoring her running wild until she passes out for example), is better than bad chinuch (abuse for example). You should really seek advice from a parenting mentor or anyone really on how to deal with your child.
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amother
Linen
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:22 pm
| amother Eggplant wrote: | This is also abusive.
What is wrong with people.
Parents are supposed to make their kids feel safe. Not scare them in to complying. |
Agreed, I think it's worse than arm twisting.
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amother
Glitter
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:22 pm
OP, I know how it feels. I've been there.
The first few weeks when I switch my toddler to a bed are crazy. I plan for it though.
I repeat in a monotone, without making eye contact, "it's time to stay in our bed now." I then lift the child with no drama and put them back into bed (no tucking in this time).
And repeat. Repeat. Repeat a gazillion times. Usually for the first hour or two after bedtime.
After a few days it ends.
I also like putting on story tape recordings in bed. That, plus a water bottle near the bed, makes it work eventually.
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amother
Eggplant
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:22 pm
| amother Linen wrote: | | This is the most productive response so far. Shkoyach! |
No, it's not productive. OP should feel terribly guilty over this. Not get validation & be told that her child will forgive & forget.
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amother
Linen
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:22 pm
| effess wrote: | Moms, be kind to an overwhelmed mom!
She’s willing to learn from you if you say it nicely.
Getting rocks thrown her way will not help.
She knows it was bad.
Read between the lines, she’s not feeling good about herself.
Your kind guidance can help her and her dear child. |
Effess you are the bomb!
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imasinger
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:23 pm
What's the rest of the afternoon and evening like?
Does she have space and time for physical exercise like running or climbing? Does she get enough of your undivided attention? Do warm baths help calm her before bedtime?
Here's a strategy that sometimes works better with young children than sticker charts. Give 3 index cards, each with a different color and shape drawn on. Choose something small that she likes, preferably by asking her if she'd like it. Tell her that if she has any cards left in the morning, she can have the treat/prize. Explain that every time she gets out of bed, a card will be taken away.
Let me know if it works!
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CPenzias
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Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:23 pm
| amother Eggplant wrote: | Huh?? Who are you to say this??? You are justifying abuse and basically telling OP that what she did is not a big deal!!!
She twisted her child's arm!!! A little 3 year old that can't stand up for herself!! |
Excuse me?! Relax! I've screamed at my kids before bed and felt awful about it and when they woke in the morning it was a fresh day. Kids are forgiving. You learn from mistakes and move on.
Do you have any suggestions besides for lambasting and calling people abusive? If not, go away.
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