I got a nice new car- everyone is commenting

amother

Mayflower

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 8:55 am

amother Oleander wrote:

This. If I saw someone I gave tzedakah to in the past now living with luxuries I don't have- yes- I would not fargin. Unless the person gave back massive amounts to the tzedakah organization.

So in your mind just because someone is poor at one point they should forever remain poor and/or live like they are poor?

amother

Cyan

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:04 am

amother Catmint wrote:

What kind of comments are you getting?

I think this is the key question.

If we don't know exactly what people are saying, then we don't don't if op is being overly sensitive about it or not.

lamplighter

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:10 am

Anytime soemthing is new or different it calls attention to itself.
In my humble opinion it is socially inappropriate to live in a much higher standard than your community. You probably feel a bit self conscious, they feel a bit awkward and the whole exchange is weird.
There does seem to be an underlying narrative of "now I finally get to.....", it may wear off, or people will get used to seeing you with luxuries.

amother

Navy

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:12 am

amother Fern wrote:

I think what OP fails to realize is that most people live a simple yeshivish lifestyle do so by choice, not by default because they can’t afford it. They make career and employment choices that lead to that income level and lifestyle. To cast in their faces what they are sacrificing by their choices is not going to engender a great reception.

I've lived in the ultra yeshivish community all my life and in my experience, this was indeed true about 50 years ago. Maybe. Nowadays it's not like that at all, I really don't see it. There are some diehards who live a simple lifestyle by choice, but they're becoming an endangered species... IME.

amother

Navy

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:13 am

lamplighter wrote:

Maybe I'm misunderstanding OP, but I don't think a SUV is a luxury vehicle? Not like a Lexus? It's just different.
Is it really that much more expensive than a Toyota Sienna? Which everyone has.

amother

Fern

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:18 am

amother OP wrote:

We give about 80k a year in tzedakos. Far more than our maaser. We just don’t talk about it. Nobody knows where and what we give to.
I don’t live in a yeshivish area as much as a simple one. I didnt grow up with money so when I didn’t have it as a married woman I took it as part of life. It was a big struggle. I was so insecure though that I’d never dare give someone a comment about their “haves”.

Put yourself in their mindset. If somehow your close neighbors ended up expanding their homes so they were triple the size of yours and installed beautiful pool with outdoor kitchens, high end lighting, and gorgeous landscaping and had outdoor bbq/ kumzitzes right next door to your smaller simple house how would you feel about it?

amother

Yarrow

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:19 am

Just because someone took tzedaka at one point they now can't ever have nice things, even when the tides have turned? What in the world? If someone was taking tzedaka and are now in a better place, I would absolutely assume they were ALSO giving I'm addition to getting some nice things. (Side note: how come on imamother everyone seems to know who's getting what? Because in real life, I have no idea who get tzedaka, programs, etc).

Also, having a few nice things does not mean a whole lifestyle change. I don't splurge on cars or clothing, but I have full time cleaning help and buy a lit of convenience items. I'm not trying to shove a whole lifestyle in anyone's face, I just can afford to make my life easier in certain ways and choose to spend some money to do that.

amother

Navy

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:19 am

amother Fern wrote:

Put yourself in their mindset. If somehow your close neighbors ended up expanding their homes so they were triple the size of yours and installed beautiful pool with outdoor kitchens and had outdoor bbq/ kumzitzes right next door to your smaller simple house how would you feel about it?

I hope I would be very happy for them. I don't get this not fargin attitude.

amother

Yarrow

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:28 am

amother Fern wrote:

I would feel like I should be very friendly so I can get invited to a BBQ lol

amother

Honeysuckle

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:29 am

amother Navy wrote:

Lol to endangered species. Sad but true.

amother

Honeysuckle

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:31 am

amother Navy wrote:

Maybe I'm misunderstanding OP, but I don't think a SUV is a luxury vehicle? Not like a Lexus? It's just different.
Is it really that much more expensive than a Toyota Sienna? Which everyone has.

And I think this is also funny. There are times when “fancier” SUVs can be cheaper to lease than a mini van!!

Is it a luxury brand?

amother

Steelblue

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 9:59 am

"Endangered species " great way to describe the yeshivish/Kollel car of the past. Let's be real leasing a brand new car every 3 yrs should also be considered a luxury. Let's be honest every young newlywed shnook is driving a Lexus or tesla at worst a filly loaded kia.
If you want an suv-so what!
And if your neighbor has one? Same -so what!!
- our car is not leased purchased a used mini van. And we will drive it until it dies 10 times! LOL

amother

Aconite

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:05 am

op, I totally get where you are coming from. I also live in a relatively simple neighborhood and the comments are endless!! It became a “thing” that people always need to say something. Why can’t someone get a new wig/car/house item etc without the comments? Why can’t ppl just say “love your new car!” And move on? It’s really improper. Every time I have some sort of construction car in my driveway I get some sort of comment like “what are you doing now??” Um fixing a leak, tyvm! In general, bh I don’t have a hard time fargining and am a complimentary person by nature. It always gets to me when the compliments are not sincere or when people ask questions on another’s good fortune.
I’m a firm believer in not putting anything in another’s face. I would never do anything to intentionally draw attention to myself, but if we are just living within our means and staying within our lane, the comments op is talking about is really disheartening.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:10 am

I'm very confused by the responses here
How is a SUV fancy?

When our Sienna lease was over, pilots were the cheapest then like 200 cheaper than mini vans so we got a pilot
Yes I like it alot better than a minivan
I felt little uncomfortable driving it at first . We're so so yeshivish ...at this point we're used to it no big deal

So I hear the discomfort but the replies here sounds like u got the latest tesla?!

amother

Hibiscus

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 10:11 am

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

And I think this is also funny. There are times when “fancier” SUVs can be cheaper to lease than a mini van!!

Is it a luxury brand?

If anything leases on minivans are sky high these days.