Responsibility help

amother

Viola

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 11:53 am

Let him take control. Even if it twists you in knots inside.

My oldest didn't go to shul AT ALL his whole childhood. It drove me nuts. My husband spoke to a mechanech who said to leave him alone even if it kills you. It was SO HARD! Unbelievably, the day of his bar mitzvah he went and goes beautifully (yes, sometimes a little late) ever since. He's 20 now, and I recently asked him how was it possible to make such a drastic change and WHY??? And he laughed and said, if I didn't HAVE to go, I wasn't going to go. Once I knew I had to, I did. He is such a masmid now, I would never have believed it! Of course, I can't know what's going on with your son, but I tell this to you so that you can hear a good outcome from someone who had similar.

amother

Taupe

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:25 pm

amother Viola wrote:

Bh for your experience.
I hope Op's son has the same.
"You can bring a horse to the water but you can't make him drink"
If your son is disconnected from davening and learning how would it help to force him to go to shul?
He's 16, I'm assuming by now he knows you consider it important.
Strengthen your relationship so he wants to please you. Reward him when he does get up on time.
Ignore all bad behavior. Believe me, he knows already!!!

amother

Impatiens

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:55 pm

Your post makes me think adhd based on my children’s symptoms
But the most important thing is for you to LET GO!
Your blood is boiling over his choices? That’s too much
He made a choice, you made a choice
You are not responsible for his choices
This is a lot of internal work, but if you don’t do it now, you will have a very hard time with all your future interactions with all your kids and their situations