DS and Dd need sharing hotel room for pesach

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 5:35 am

amother Phlox wrote:

I really can’t see why not?
In the olden days everyone slept in one room didn’t they???
Have you actually asked or just presume??
Even not such olden days we went to a one bedroom bungalow for the summers 30 years ago and all kids slept together.

Eta I’m chassidish but never actually asked.

All in one room is different than just 2 in a private room. But also just because things were done wrong doesn’t mean we need to purposely do them when we can avoid them.

amother

Phlox

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 5:36 am

amother Blueberry wrote:

There's a difference between everyone in 1 room and just 2 young adults of opposite genders sharing a room

What do you think happened as kids grew up?
They were left with 2 kids and they slept together. In our privileged world we have bigger houses and space to spread out.
Again I never asked cuz I never traveled with only 2 big kids always had more so had to take more rooms.

amother

Gray

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 5:39 am

amother Blueberry wrote:

There's a difference between everyone in 1 room and just 2 young adults of opposite genders sharing a room

These '2 young adults of opposite genders' happen to be brother and sister.

I am not voicing my opinion here, but your wording above misrepresents the situation. These are brother and sister , of to whom yichud does not apply. I am assuming the room doesnt offer only one bed, and has two separate beds for them. If one is uncomfortable then it should be addressed, but please don't spin the situation.

Why wouldnt a mechitza be sufficient to create two distinct spaces for them?

amother

Springgreen

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 5:41 am

amother Phlox wrote:

They weren’t in a private room totally separate from everyone else they likely slept in an open living room or makeshift bedroom so they were starting with no expectation of privacy.
I’m not saying Halacha requires them to be separated, I believe my parents Rav was giving an opinion not a psak, but we’re starting from such a different place nowadays it’s hard to compare to back then.
Also for those saying there’s no yichud, you can only live with a sibling temporarily permanently is considered yichud so it’s in its own unique category and is neither 100% ok or 100% not.

amother

Bergamot

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 5:54 am

OP, we've already done several times that I sleep with the girls & DH with my son.
You're putting adults in a very uncomfortable position & that's just not fair to them, especially if your daughter isn't comfortable with this.
Either stay home for pesach, or figure something else out.

amother

Bone

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 5:54 am

amother OP wrote:

I know- first world problems and it really isn't, but ideas please. Going away for pesach (yay) but will need to put 22 year old dd and 18 year old ds in the same room. DD not thrilled, but we can not paying for another room just for her.

Ideas for making the sleep arrangements more comfortable?

If dd is 22, maybe ask her to pay some of the cost of own room?
Also ask hotel if the is someone she can share with.

Do you have marrieds coming? What the story with them? Only ask her to pay if you are asking them.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:00 am

amother Peru wrote:

Don't do it. What are you teaching her?

This this this
OP, what values do you want to teach your daughter?

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:01 am

amother Gray wrote:

Yichud applies to siblings. It’s just different. For example they aren’t allowed to live together for an extended period of time. And fyi there is rape and molestation amongst siblings so it’s not something you can just assume will always be ok.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:15 am

amother Bone wrote:

IMHO DD shouldn't need to pay. Her parents booked this. It's their idea.

amother

Bergamot

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:17 am

amother Bone wrote:

It's not fair to make her pay for a room because her parents decided to go to a hotel for pesach.
22 is an adult. If an adult expresses their discomfort to their parents, then their parents should respect that.

amother

Gardenia

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:23 am

Frumkeit and halachos aside, the fact is that your daughter expressed discomfort.
We should be teaching and modeling to our girls to respect their gut instincts.

Maybe some rigging up of curtains around the beds or mechitzas or something.

amother

Rainbow

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:29 am

I know it was said about, but it needs to be said again. You share with her and DH shares with him.
And if you don’t sleep with your husband for 8 days of Pesach, that is OK.

I have been going to a hotel for Pesach for the last 30+ years. That is what everyone does.
(Or stick both of them in a room with you or gate a suite with a second room and a pull out couch in a different area, which is essentially another room.)

amother

Steel

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:30 am

amother Gardenia wrote:

Yes, and if this is not possible then I think you should change your plans.
They’re not 8 & 12 years old anymore…

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:38 am

amother Gray wrote:

These are brother and sister , of to whom yichud does not apply.

This is not accurate, there actually are Hilchos Yichud between siblings for example adult siblings may not live alone in a house for more than 30 days. The Halachos are just much more lenient but they definitely do exist.

mommyla

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:38 am

Librarian wrote:

When my family was in a similar situation our Rav told us to get adjoining rooms and leave the door open between them

My kids are younger (teens/tweens) but this is what we do too. Then it’s essentially one room (and nobody gets any privacy).

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:41 am

amother Bergamot wrote:

This. OP you cannot put them in a room together. For numerous reasons.

Either you can share with DD and dh will share with ds, book another room, or you cannot afford a hotel this year.