Gift for bday for therapist-Update on Last page

amother

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 9:16 am

amother Chestnut wrote:

18 years. Never have. It’s totally inappropriate My therapist knows I appreciate her. I tell her so. And the best thanks comes from the work I put into my personal growth.

OP you have to tighten your boundaries. You seem to think it’s your role to make her feel worthy of accepting gifts? It’s not. You’re not her friend or her spouse. And she feels worthy, but she knows it’s boundary crossing and probably against her code of ethics to accept gifts from you. It’s very odd to me that you don’t get this

I did tell her it's not my role, to tell her anything, when she wasn't accepting gifts graciously

amother

Oldlace

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 9:26 am

I could be the odd man out here, but I always gift my child's therapist around the holiday times with something small, like homemade baked goods or a giftcard. But there was also a time that my daughter mentioned a certain treat that she really enjoyed and her therapist was like "Hey that's my favorite also!" and they chatted for a few minutes about the different flavors. A few months later, we saw that treat in the store and my daughter said let's buy it for her and take to her at the next session! I wasn't sure but I did anyway and the therapist was sooooo thankful and excited about it.

amother

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 9:30 am

I once brought her some bought chicken fingers, when I brought for myself. She declined, and didn't want to take it with her on her way home either.

I was ok with it. I didn't feel rejected. I just felt bad for her, that she was after a full day, and it's supper time, that she must be hungry and exhausted.

amother

Gray

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 10:01 am

amother Chestnut wrote:

It's not a client's job to uphold boundaries. It's the therapist's job. I don't think this is on the client.
It does seem to me like out of hand, but the therapist should be the one broaching this. She should be telling the client it's against the code of ethics...

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 10:16 am

amother Gray wrote:

It sounds to me that she has rejected the gifts numerous times. But it also sounds to me as if OP has no concept of boundaries in the therapeutic relationship so I think making her aware important step

blima1

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 12:28 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

I think it's different when its for your kids therapist

amother

Topaz

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 12:41 pm

1. Gifting before a holiday is often done. Gifting a therapist for her birthday is not.

2. If a therapist indicates that she's uncomfortable with it, why would anyone continue doing it? Read her cues and respect her wishes. It doesn't really matter if a different therapist doesn't mind.. you're working with this one.

blima1

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 12:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

Point taken

Hi OP, if I could private message you then I would
I rarely come on this site so I am not sure how things usually work here but it seems that people are coming down really hard on you!
You asked a question, maybe weren't so agreeable with peoples answers at first but it seems that you got the point by now (btw, even if you disagreed we are talking about something that is not a major life decision and you are entitled to your own opinion, even if most people disagree).
Anyhow, the main point that I am trying to make is that I feel really bad that you are getting so much tomatoes over here. And people are really putting you down, at least from my perspective.
It sounds like you are a really caring and kind person.
Also, I see you keep on writing things like - OK, point taken etc.... I feel like that should be a cue from everyone else that its enough!

singleagain

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 12:50 pm

blima1 wrote:

Some people do not read through the entire thread. They'll just read that first page and reply so they don't see that. OP has taken the point because they just see her first few posts where she was still questioning.

OP, I would suggest either putting an update in your first post or if you like I will lock the thread for you.

singleagain

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 12:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you blima and single. Tomm I will go to my therapist and I can discuss with her. I can let you know on update then.

No problem. If you decide you want this thread locked because you have received your answer, please just let me know either in post or by private message.

amother

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 1:05 pm

I do have attachment and boundary issues. We are working on that. Bh came a long way.

There were reasons I gave her stuff. In the norm timing like chanuka and purim, for appreciation, when others also give, which she said is acceptable, because some people do.

It's not that she didn't receive my gifts, it was more of her always telling me, that I shouldn't feel the need that I have to gift her, she's here for me regardless.

Once it was after we had something between us, which I was upset at her, and didn't know her standing, so I got her miniatures for shavuos so she knows I'm not upset at her, it was sort of also like bribe for her to intervene on my behalf....

The dinner....
Once I had a real late appt, and she looked like she's falling apart. When I mentioned that she must be hungry and exhausted after all day, she jokingly said, you should've brought me dinner.

So another eve appt, after she said in her classes, that I attended, that in order to function optimally, and be able to handle emotions, one needs to make sure they're not hungry or tired. Next appt, I bought for myself fingers, because it was supper time, and didn't eat before session. I asked if it's OK if I can eat so I can focus, so I brought for her as well, because it's weird to eat in front of someone else and not offer them. She declined. After session I told her to take it, on her way home, because she has long commute, she said she doesn't eat such stuff so I took it.

amother

Springgreen

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:30 pm

amother OP wrote: