Gift for bday for therapist-Update on Last page

amother

Mauve

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 8:37 pm

I'm a therapist and agree with the other posters, it's ethically problematic for us to receive gifts, and that's why your therapist is uncomfortable. Legally I think you can't accept a gift worth more than $25, but even smaller gifts are not recommended especially so frequently. And yes, I work in a clinic and my clients don't give gifts. I have this issue more when I work in schools, but even then at most, it's Chanukah and Purim, from your posts it sounds a little excessive.

amother

Brickred

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 8:50 pm

Can I be the odd one out? I’m a therapist and I’ve never had a problem with a client giving a small token gift with a note before Rosh Hashanah, Chanukah, Purim etc. I’ve had many clients do that over the years and I’ve always been touched and found it to be so meaningful.

amother

Gray

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 8:55 pm

naomi2 wrote:

Reread my post and see that I was clear that notes are ok. No gifts, not even small ones, not even cookies or donuts. The gifts being advertised for therapists that are for children's therapists like speech, ot, pt.

Why only "certain limited occasions"

amother

Lotus

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 9:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is first time I was thinking of buying her a real gift, like a lotion but seems like a no-no.

A lotion is way too personal.

amother

Cognac

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 9:11 pm

Op why are you so desperate to give her a gift? She’s obviously uncomfortable so why do you insist?

amother

cornflower

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 9:30 pm

Since she already told you then it starts to feel like manipulative for you to insist on doing it anyway
Better for you to work on it in therapy
Hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Ginger

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 9:47 pm

I haven’t read all the responses but the few that I did surprise me. It is ok to give a therapist a (small) gift or card in appreciation/ mm.

Birthday seems odd to me bec that is celebrated among friends and family typically. If I knew my therapist birthday perhaps a generic card at best - however it seems odd you know the date.

If you have a habit of excessive giving it would be a conversation in therapy.

I have given small things or mm (not often. Maybe once a year) and it was graciously received.

naomi2

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 10:14 pm

amother Gray wrote:

Why only "certain limited occasions"

Sounds like op is the type to easily misunderstand and think it's ok to send weekly thank you notes and it's not.

Success10

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 2:49 am

Because gifts are a way of fostering a closer relationship with someone, and that's not the therapist client relationship. It's unprofessional and socially unacceptable. Even though the therapist/client relation ship is more professional, it doesn't mean your therapist doesn't care about you, she does, very much. And that's why she wants you to learn basic boundaries and social cues. You seem to be open to admitting you are wrong able to learn new things which is great.

amother

Gardenia

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 6:23 am

OP you're being socially off.
You therapist doesn't accept graciously because she doesn't want the gifts. Just stop.
No "it's not a gift, just a little token", no "but she's in a clinic".
Almost everyone here agrees that it's absolutely not appropriate, how much more evidence do you need to stop?
If you want to give gifts there are plenty of other people in your life that I'm sure would be happy for them.

amother

Daphne

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 8:55 am

OP, I’m curious where you’re from. In some cultures they are really into giving gifts, for example, I’ve noticed this when I worked in Williamsburg. Or how old are you? I can picture a woman in her 50s-60s thinking this is appropriate.

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 9:10 am

amother OP wrote:

Do people never give token of appreciation to a therapist?

18 years. Never have. It’s totally inappropriate My therapist knows I appreciate her. I tell her so. And the best thanks comes from the work I put into my personal growth.

OP you have to tighten your boundaries. You seem to think it’s your role to make her feel worthy of accepting gifts? It’s not. You’re not her friend or her spouse. And she feels worthy, but she knows it’s boundary crossing and probably against her code of ethics to accept gifts from you. It’s very odd to me that you don’t get this

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 9:12 am

amother OP wrote:

So I never really gave her real gifts like anything expensive or significant.

Just little tokens.

Like few mini cheese cups pckged from a store, before shavuos.

A mini chocolate card before rh.

A few donuts in a box on Chanuka.

Mm was a small box with pckged items including a mug.

Another mm was cheap tote that you can put pics, with pckged items inside.

I also see people in gift shop buying for their kids therapist( idk if reg or Ot/pt/slp/) gifts before Chanuka or purim. Also gift stores advertise, perfect gift for therapist, in my community. They buy things like diffusers, lotions, perfumes, cosmetic bags...etc.

Child’s PT or OT is NOT the same as your mental health therapist

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 9:14 am

amother OP wrote:

She gets a salary from the clinic. Idk how much she gets paid.

It doesn’t matter how much she gets paid. Gifts especially with the frequency you’re giving is totally inappropriate. Also my insurance (not me) pays my therapist. That has nothing to do with anything.