Parties should be banned !

amother

Fern

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 2:34 pm

amother Grape wrote:

I’m in my 40s and still have amazing memories of my Bobby’s Chanuka party because it was once a year that we got a bag filled with junky candy and even gum! It happened two years in a row where I conked out with gum in my mouth from this party and woke up with it glued to my hair and my mother needed to cut my hair. Still the best childhood memories . I remember telling my mother, when I was little “you will never be able to be a good Bobby” and she asked why and I said “Because you need to give candy and nosh like our Bobby does and you don’t “. Lol.

The candy gene expresses itself somewhere between young mommy and Bubby (who does not need to deal with gum in hair and cranky overstimulated kids).

But its great for the kids to have that Bubby fun! As grape said. Its really the stuff of memories. Please just let them be and dont give your mil a lecture about the doughnuts on the table for the entire meal. Its really ok.

Dealing with the nosh fallout is one of the young-mommy, or 45 year old mommy, chores. Just the 45 year old mommy rolls with it as her candy gene is kicking in (and may already be annoying the next generation.)

One day when young mommy hosts her own party she can hold on to the candy and cake until the time of her choosing - but dont be surprised if the nosh gene starts coming out!

amother

Impatiens

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 2:48 pm

amother Dahlia wrote:

Some of us wish we were invited to parties, count your blessings

No one invited me to any parties. Neither mine nor my husband’s family cared enough. Made one with my kids in my house. I make my own fun.

little neshamala

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 3:16 pm

amother Grape wrote:

This! I’m from Brooklyn and live in Monsey and don’t have these issues and neither do my relatives .
I’m wondering if this is an issue more for people in their 20s and low 30s, I’m older and I believe Little Neshamale is older too. Does it have to do with that ? Or are the people feeling the pressure and hating parties also older than 20s and low thirties?

Funny, im actually in my low 30s.
Although people have been telling me I sound older since im 10 lol.

To answer your question, I dont think its an age thing. I know so many people in 20s and young 30s, both family and friends, who are nice and non judgemental.

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 3:23 pm

I'm so stoked about my party tonight!!!! I know paper goods would have been 10000% fine, but I was excited for a change of pace and have a beautiful table set up. If it would have been stressful, I would have just done paper goods and felt totally fine with that, but it makes me happy!

amother

Bergamot

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 3:29 pm

amother Cadetblue wrote:

Op, are your concerns deeper stemmed than the chanuka parties? Do you have social stress in other areas of your life? I feel sorry for you.

I find chanukah parties hard. I have a wonderful family and there's no competition.
But I have social anxiety so it's hard for me. Nothing to do with anyone.

So I go, try to enjoy it but am happy when it's over.

I have to remember that its me who has the problem not anyone else.

Cheiny

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 4:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Sorry to sound like the grinch but I hate all these parties . So much stress . So many bad feelings of who wore what and who spoke to whom and who made what nasty comment etc . I just want to stay in my cozy house and keep my family in this little cocoon.
No one walks away happy. Everyone has something that the other one is jealous of ( better kids, more money, a spouse , a nicer wig etc ) I just wish I could do away with it..

Is it just me ?

Why do you feel obligated to attend parties that are so unpleasant for you?

peace2

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 4:50 pm

I agree with the poster upthread who said poor OP... I'm sure she's aware not everyone has the same family as her and was looking for some sympathy, not for everyone to share how amazing their family is and how much they love going to chanukah parties.
I'm sorry OP, it sounds like a difficult dynamic. And it's not so easy to just not go to parties you don't want to bet at. In some families, the ramifications of that are more of a headache than attending the party itself. If you're not too scared off from this thread, do you want to share specific dynamics that are difficult? People with similar experiences might have suggestions for how to stay in a good state of mind when in these scenarios

amother

Blonde

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 4:58 pm

peace2 wrote:

Can we pin this post !! This is a rule in general for any issues. Op is looking for people with similar experiences ... Not looking to hear about everyone amazing parties

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 5:49 pm

I now have a virus courtesy of all the germs I was exposed to at these parties.

I didn’t have bad interactions because I didn’t interact much with the annoying relatives. I said hi and how’s life going and then retreated to a corner where I could tune out most of the noise.

I go because it’s good for my kids and they really enjoy it. And it’s once a year. But ugh I am so wiped. It’s definitely a struggle for me.

amother

Maple

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 5:51 pm

amother Blonde wrote:

Can we pin this post !! This is a rule in general for any issues. Op is looking for people with similar experiences ... Not looking to hear about everyone amazing parties

She wasn’t saying she had a hard time and venting. She was saying “let’s ban all parties because all families are awful and no one ever feels good”
That is not the reality

amother

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 6:11 pm

Wow. I have no words .

I didn’t realize a little vent would spark so much hostility. Yes I was upset about something. Yes it was fueled by seeing so many threads in this vein. Like every other post/ thread -it will apply to some and not all . You can agree . You can disagree . You can ignore. Not sure why you feel the need to attack and kick hard when I’m down. I hope all those of you who feel so superior about your picture perfect lives and parties never have to agree with me and my Brachos to all those who understand me that we should all merit yeshuous that we need.

peace2

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 7:12 pm

amother Maple wrote:

She wasn’t saying she had a hard time and venting. She was saying “let’s ban all parties because all families are awful and no one ever feels good”
That is not the reality

That was her way of venting. People tend to make overdramatic statements when they're upset. It was not meant to be taken literally

amother

Mimosa

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 8:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

This isnt very fair OP.
We arent a bunch of monsters here...
Read your first two posts. In the first you describe your awful experience, and ask "is it just me"?
When posters kindly reply to you that while it's not only you, it's also not always like that, and it's possible to have a party that doesnt have what you describe, you replied "....For you maybe but there is someone that probably walked away comparing or hurting in some way…"
So people get defensive, what do you expect?
You're telling everyone that in all their parties, even if theyre enjoying it someone else is hurting or comparing. And they feel the need to defend themselves. That's all it is.

I truly and sincerely wish you the very best, and I hope whatever it is that's causing such issues gets resolved quickly so you can enjoy yourself too.

amother

Maple

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 8:21 pm

amother Mimosa wrote:

Thank you. This exactly

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

As a general rule if a thread has too many responses then a lot of them will be harsh. Sometimes I will avoid reading a thread I started because of that.

amother

Latte

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 9:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

OP, I don't intend to hurt your feelings, but you are the one that's attacking here. This post isn't very nice at all. You asked a question, people answered. You responded not in kind, and people responded to that. And now you're attacking those that responded to you. I didn't see anyone attacking you. All posts are just sharing their perspective and experiences.
If you just wanted to vent, you should make it clear in your OP & not ask questions that you don't want answers to.

amother

Mocha

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 10:29 pm

would u rather the option of not having any frum family members or chanukah parties to go to? bc this way stinks too. my dc is young so it doesnt effect him yet. but it will eventually when his classmates have get togethers and its just us together. I hate the chagim

zaq

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 6:55 pm

amother Grape wrote:

Too late for you, but she should have applied peanut butter or oil to the blob of gum. Peanut butter + chewing gum= a slimy liquidy mess that shampoos right out.