What do you do when your host breaks halacha?

amother

Aconite

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 9:21 am

DrMom wrote:

The uncoveted cheese sandwich in a fleishig oven is the only one that would concern me. There are halachic opinions that support the other 2 practices.

Also the kashrut issue is the only one that directly impacts me.

I think there are shittos that would allow the cheese in oven too

essie14

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 9:33 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Could you elaborate a bit more please. My common sense says it makes no difference if you are at home or outside.

Halacha doesn't have to jive with your common sense. I don't have the source in front of me, but there's something about only covering your hair outside of your own courtyard. I learned this inside when I was engaged. This is how I hold. And many friends and relatives. We only cover when we leave our homes.

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 9:41 am

Java wrote:

If a meat oven is clean, one may bake a dry, uncovered (or covered) dairy item in it.9 It is not necessary to first kasher the oven or wait 24 hours. If one wants to bake a dry, uncovered dairy item immediately after cooking meat, one should first wait for the oven (which must be clean) to cool down.
https://www.star-k.org/article.....reve/

Yes this is halacha. Some hold cheese melting isn't dry though, others do...

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 11:55 am

the world's best mom wrote:

I wouldn't eat there again. It does sound like a kashrus problem, and I have only one oven so I've asked about baking milchigs in the fleishig oven. We double cover the milchigs and put a piece of foil underneath it. That's halacha for me. If someone else holds that they can bake uncovered milchigs in their fleishig oven, that may be okay for them but not for me.

And I have never heard of a minhag that allows women to uncover their hair in front of unrelated men. An opinion like that might exist, but that doesn't mean everyone has to view it as okay. It's certainly not the standard opinion.

Just because you have not heard of something does not make it wrong. It is a 100% halachically approved way of uncovering in one's home. Look up thread. BatZion quoted a source (thank you bat zion. I was out all day and only came to this thread now)

Ema of 5

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 12:15 pm

the world's best mom wrote:

Having a source does not make it widely accepted halacha.

Not being widely acceptable doesn’t make it not acceptable.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 12:16 pm

the world's best mom wrote:

Having a source does not make it widely accepted halacha.

Ok. Im just saying that in some circles this is 100% accepted. If you dont, thats fine, but if you happen to be in someone's home that keeps the halacha that way, you have to realize that they are 100% in the bounds of halacha.

amother

Hosta

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 12:23 pm

This is the problem with “standards” and what I honestly think is all tosef. Sometimes what is actually halachakly fine, but may not be someone’s standards, may cause them to be over a halacha like L”H or offending someone or something else. We are so busy being self righteous that sometimes we lose sight of actual halacha.

watergirl

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 12:24 pm

Java wrote:

So I called the star k a year or so ago to get more specific information on this link, ie what is considered wet cheese (homemade pizza, baked ziti uncovered, lasagna uncovered - essentially cheese PLUS a liquid). And I wanted him to walk me through what to do with my oven between, so what to do if I make lasagna (which I am tonight) and then need to use it for fleishig right after (set the oven to 500 and let it sit at that temp for 40 mins).

There is no reason to be "frummer" than the star k. Each person can feel free to call the star k themselves to ask for clarification on this link. They are the nicest!

watergirl

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 12:25 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

Not just that, but when someone has no idea what halacha is, they are getting advice here to "RUN!", which could cause a bigger issur than anything else.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 12:27 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

Ding ding ding!!!!!!! You win. This is exactly it. SOme people have lost the actual plot to frumkeit and have this need to out frum the next person. And the first person may very well be within the bounds of halacha, just not how the other person holds.

Iymnok

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 12:32 pm

When DH was learning issur v’heter I kept asking when he’ll tell me it’s okay to make bread on pesach. There are so many things that we are way more stringent than we ever need to be.
I think he said that all home kitchen shailos fit within 22 basic questions. A posek could even have a cheat sheet!

amother

Bronze

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 12:46 pm

I have a very dear friend that I don’t eat in her house because while she keeps kosher, it really is not up to my particular standards, but I never ever ever would ever say to her that she is not kosher I just don’t hold by some of the things that she does, so I come over for dessert or the afternoon , I’ll eat a fruit I just don’t eat real meals by her

amother

Molasses

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 1:05 pm

I would be extremely uncomfortable if my hostess, who usually covers her hair would be walking around uncovered.

I would be extremely uncomfortable if she were telling her four year old to turn lights on and off on shabbos.

And I wouldn't eat if she put milchig sandwiches in an oven I had just seen her use for uncovered fleishig.

I'm allowed to have standards of halacha.

amother

Stone

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 1:12 pm

amother Molasses wrote:

You can have your standards and be uncomfortable, but you can't scream that she's breaking Halacha. She's just not holding how you do

watergirl

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 1:18 pm

amother Molasses wrote:

Why would you just decide not to eat, as opposed to take the time to ask your lor, or if you are a guest out of town and it’s YT, ask the lor of the local shul - I believe that you would be surprised to hear the answer.