Over staying a visit...

Silver Member Joined: Mar 20 2007 Posts: 944

A friend came to visit yesterday (Shabbos) at 2. She left at 7 when we went to a shiur. I hinted several times around 4 how tired I was and how I hoped to get a nap in before the shiur, but she didn't get the hint.

WWYD?

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 27 2005 Posts: 6730

Make a mental note for next time that understanding subtelty is not this guests strong suit & say to her "I am so glad you came to visit, its been great but now I am kicking you out cuz I must get some sleep, please come again"
_________________
"Vision without action is a daydream; Action without vision is a nightmare"

Posted: Sun, Jul 06 2008, 1:13 pm Post subject: re: Over staying a visit...

I agree and have been accused of this very statement at times Embarassed

you have to be assertive question is how, and my answer is if they don't get it the first and second time nicely, then you have to be blunt by the third Wink

Posted: Sun, Jul 06 2008, 1:32 pm Post subject: re: Over staying a visit...

You need to be direct but nice,

"now is a not a good time",

"Thanks so much for coming. ok, I need to spend the next few min, or hours doing x"

(resting, getting ready for something, feeining the kids),

"oh I wish I had more time to visit, but I really need to do x right now"

Thanks so much for spending time with me, I think I had better get to doing X, do you think we could take up this visit later?"

"Oh, I just realized I have to do x, do you think we could visit again next week/tomorrow"

Remember, if you are not direct, it may be HARD for her to leave because she doesn't know how to say it either, this happened to me a few weeks ago, I was at someone house and asked, ok, so do you think this is not a good time and she kept saying no, it's ok, and I really did not know how to leave, althoguh I could see she was a bitharries with me there and doing what she had to do, now I realize I should have been direct and said ok, I need to go, but with her saying it ok stay so many times I felt a bit stuck..."

The point is don't try to be nice and go over your limit, it won't feel good to her eeither, she will probably be able to tell.

Posted: Sun, Jul 06 2008, 1:32 pm Post subject: re: Over staying a visit...

You need to be direct but nice,

"now is a not a good time",

"Thanks so much for coming. ok, I need to spend the next few min, or hours doing x"

(resting, getting ready for something, feeining the kids),

"oh I wish I had more time to visit, but I really need to do x right now"

Thanks so much for spending time with me, I think I had better get to doing X, do you think we could take up this visit later?"

"Oh, I just realized I have to do x, do you think we could visit again next week/tomorrow"

Remember, if you are not direct, it may be HARD for her to leave because she doesn't know how to say it either, this happened to me a few weeks ago, I was at someone house and asked, ok, so do you think this is not a good time and she kept saying no, it's ok, and I really did not know how to leave, althoguh I could see she was a bitharries with me there and doing what she had to do, now I realize I should have been direct and said ok, I need to go, but with her saying it ok stay so many times I felt a bit stuck..."

The point is don't try to be nice and go over your limit, it won't feel good to her eeither, she will probably be able to tell.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 16 2007 Posts: 2952

If directness doesn't work, try saying things twice Smile