Gemach/service for single women

amother

Bergamot

Fri, Feb 10 2023, 12:45 am

amother Bluebonnet wrote:

Single mom here.

Op, take a look at the responses. Every single mom replied that this is a great idea. Please don't listen to posters who have never been in their shoes! Plus you yourself witnessed this need by your mom. Please don't get discouraged by the naysayers.

Op, this is a great idea. As a single mom just knowing that if a need pops up, someone will be there for me.. that in itself would make me feel more calm.

Some examples of help I could have used:

1) shoveling snow or ice near my front door.
2) building sukah (can be arranged months in advance with specific date so us moms don't have to worry who will build it).
3)in chassidish communities where women don't drive and there are no heimish taxis available after a certain time in the evening, these boys could take women with their children home after a late night simcha.
4)carrying heavy things. I hear the argument that no one including married women's husbands can carry heavy things.. but single women are overwhelmed as is and many are very poor. And if a man has the same problem he just calls over a friend to help him. Much harder for a woman to have to reach out to two men to carry that heavy thing.
5)repairs. For example a leak under the sink. If a boy has good hands then it would be the biggest chesed for him to come repair my leak that's there already for 4 years because I can't afford a plumber.. of course this is just one example. I have so many minor things that need to be fixed in my home. I just can't afford it. Although light bulbs and a toilet or clogged sink plunging I do by myself and wouldn't bother anyone else for that but maybe some women do need that type of help.
6)we could really use another "hand" on the day of a simcha (for example bar mitzvah) to help out with things we need last minute like going to a store to pick up a last minute item.

Again op, it IS a brilliant idea and much needed!

Yes, agree with all of it, especially the snow shovelling and carrying heavy things!

essie14

Fri, Feb 10 2023, 2:03 am

My husband is married to me and he doesn't change light bulbs or the water filter or fix anything.

Can he be eligible for this theoretical gemach?
I do all of these things. So if he wasn't around I'd be eligible?

Neither of us touch our cars. We go to the mechanic. I don't know anyone who tries to fix their own cars nowadays.

This is just so s3xist and impractical.
No way would I let some random 20 yr old who likely has zero life experience to take care of my widowed mothers finances. That's just plan weird.
Most women are perfectly capable and can learn to do what they need to do or hire someone.

Yes, single moms can use help to build a sukkah. Although all the ones I know hire someone to do this. My neighborhood is full of ads in Tishrei of guys looking for work to build sukkot.

amother

Fri, Feb 10 2023, 3:42 am

When I wrote "car problems", I didn't mean the kind of problems that need to go to a mechanic. I meant the kind of things that a man would normally do for example if my car doesn't start then my husband would jump start it not me.

Regarding those who wrote it is sexist, when I look at the members in my Shul, there are quite a lot of ladies age 70+ whose husbands are no longer alive. There are also singles just a bit younger than that who never got married and of course those who are divorced. Another point is when I wrote 18+ that does not mean that someone age 50 can't also do this Chessed. It didn't mean exclusively young single boys.

Where is your compassion and understanding?

amother

Bluebonnet

Fri, Feb 10 2023, 2:58 pm

essie14 wrote:

You can say this about any gmach. "Well, they can all order their own tablecloths for a simcha.." "they can all rent chairs for a simcha.." "they can all do it themselves." You can say this for ANY gmach.

Op wants to arrange chesed for single moms. I envy her schar. Maybe one day someone else will decide to do a different gmach to help all families change their light bulbs etc.. that will also be a chesed.

Right now let's not undermine op's good idea.

ra_mom

Fri, Feb 10 2023, 4:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

I am thinking of starting up a Gemach for any woman who is on her own.

My mother is on her own since my father died and there are so many things that my father did for my mother for the many years when they were married, that my mother cannot do because she doesn't know how to.
The same applies to single woman due to divorce.

My idea is to put together a group of boys age 18+ who would help out woman who need help for the "mannish" jobs. Examples are any problems with a car, dealing with any financial situation, house problems like Shabbos clocks, repairs in the house and many other possibilities.

I am thinking that if anything needs to be changed or a new one bought, the woman would be responsible to pay but the actual labour of the young man would be as a Chessed.

Any thoughts?
TIA

I think it's a great idea for handyman type jobs, for building sukkahs, kashering kitchen for pesach, schlepping boxes up from basement for pesach, schlepping them back down. I know plenty of singles/single moms that need help with that since they are juggling so much and can't possibly do everything.

Dolly151

Sat, Feb 11 2023, 1:24 pm

As a recently single mom, this sounds amazing. I had a leak in my house from a really heavy window that slid open from the rain and wind and I couldn't close it. I felt so helpless. Knowing that there would be an organization of ppl eager to help someone in need of so heartwarming.
This is by no stretch sexist. Women and men are created differently with different strengths and limitations. Please leave your liberal jargins elsewhere.

amother

Thistle

Sat, Feb 11 2023, 1:32 pm

singleagain wrote:

I think if you don't advertise it for any specific group it will be nicer. Anyone can use a helping hand.

By us it's advertised for single moms. They offer other services like locksmiths as well.

The reason is not just they are incapable, because obviously women can learn to do many of these things. Single moms are extra overhwlemed, busy, and usually don't have so much money.

I think offering both free services and a course allows people to choose what would benefit them most.

Some people would love to learn, some are in middle of a messy divorce, don't have any energy and time and would love someone to just show up and help them for free.

For the mom who says she does this stuff because her husband doesn't know how, the difference between you and them is you have a husband to share responsibilities and watch the kids and do other things while you do these small jobs. You aren't overhwlemed like a single mom is. You likely have two incomes and could afford to hire someone.

I think you should just do it for single moms. Single women can afford to hire someone or take a course.

amother

Slategray

Sat, Feb 11 2023, 2:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

I was once a single mother for six years so I have oodles of compassion and understanding. I do think OP that your heart is in the right place, thank you.

However, I completely agree with posters who say it is sexist. I do snow shovelling and know basics around a car. I can fit my own IKEA products. If a young, nubile guy was sent to my home for “services required”, what I might have in mind would be most definitely not rated PG-13! 😮🤭😉 And since I am now in my 50s, sending over a fit 50-year old man may have the same effect if I were single. 😉 Jokes aside, I do think yicchud is a serious consideration.

The sexism around single parents is quite prevalent. My DH was a widower and when he was single, he got loads of free food, meal invites etc, despite the fact he is a capable adult with decent kitchen skills. Me personally, I loathe cooking and would have really enjoyed getting those free meals when single, when the reality was I got nothing. My husband was so shocked at the discrepancy. The assumption was he was a helpless baby in need of nourishing food and I was a woman and therefore an adequate cook. 🙄

I therefore think that while a Gemach and compassion for single women is useful, sending in young guys in to help isn’t the solution. Maybe funds could be set up to pay the expense of an actual handyperson as requested by the single woman.

amother

Hibiscus

Sat, Feb 11 2023, 5:46 pm

OP, I think it is a fantastic idea. Kol hakavod to you!!!

As another single mum who has learnt many things over the years, even to be brave and remove dead mice from my sukka, it is not just about the extra skills, abilities another pair of hands of an organisation being offered when needed.

It is also the fact that there is somewhere or someone you can reach out too when you are stuck trying to change your freezer door, help kosher your kitchen before pesach, put up your sukka or help with the schach etc.

Just to know someone cares and is willing to help to make your life a bit easier.

This is how I see it.

amother

Nemesia

Sat, Feb 11 2023, 9:23 pm

I think this thread can also bring awareness about what single women in your neighbourhood may be dealing with. I got married in my late 20s and for a few years I lived in Kew Garden Hills. I didn’t know many people there. I would have really appreciated if a woman would have offered her husband to dig out my car from the snow or jump start my car if I ever needed it. I enjoy my independence, however, I am petite and not particularly strong and these were things that were difficult for me to do on my own.