RBS - Problems? | Imamother

amother

Tue, Feb 16 2021, 7:44 pm

amother [ Mustard ] wrote:

Isn't there an American English speaking community in Har Nof and Givaat Ze'ev? Many American English speakers live in center of Jerusalem in Shamgar area.

They are more expensive areas, and do not have the same school infrastructure for helping olim. In those places, kids are expected to learn Hebrew and integrate culturally with Israelis. RBS is the only place that had the soft landing for American kids.

amother

Blue

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 1:10 am

We have lived in RBS for 14 years. We are not chareidi and don't send our children to chareidi schools and do not have a chareidi Rav. There are pedophiles all over the US and Israel. you educate your children , you keep an open line of communication with them, and you stay involved in their lives.

I don't think RBS has any more pedophiles than Jerusalem. there are horrific stories from there.

RBS is a huge city. The fact that there is no central Rav - its like Brooklyn in that sense. There are hundreds of small shuls. Some have rabbis, some do not. Some people attend a shul but do not consider the rabbi to be their Rav. You will find that all over Israel, except maybe on yishuvim where there is one main yishuv Rav.

The population of RBS is 70,000 Jews.
There is nothing comparable in America except LA and NY.
The population runs the gamut from non shomer shabbat to insular chareidi chassidish with everything in between.

You need to find your niche.

amother

Blue

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 1:11 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I disagree.
1. You can have a soft landing in other cities.
2. Kids are expected to learn Hebrew in RBS and integrate with Israelis.
3. Why wouldn't you want your child to speak Hebrew?

Rappel

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 2:11 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Teachers aren't screened ANYWHERE in Israel.

Don't allow preteens to be in parks alone at night. Don't allow kids under 10 to go to the park alone.

I would say these rules anywhere. Creeps go to parks everywhere.

Patently untrue.

You must live in a very scary place.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 2:20 am

I don’t agree with amother grey. There are many many shuls in RBS and all the people I know are members of a shul and have a Rabbi. I’ve always loved RBS so much precisely because of that. It reminds me of America where you have a kehilla and you’re not just a wandering Jew in some random city in Israel.
And there are lots of different circles in RBS, very charedi, yeshivish, Beni Akiva, etc. you choose your schools based on where you fall on the spectrum.
OP, RBS alef sounds like a great option for u based on what you described you are looking for.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 2:25 am

Just want to say something. Not every child abuser is a pedo. Most of the child abusers have chosen children to have power over them and control over them and this is due mostly an antisocial personality disorder for instance. Children are an easy victim, easy to manipulate and to have control over. If you know this and the fact that 80% of the child abusers know the victim you can better protect your children.

I’m totally against child abuse just want to add something please don’t be angry at me

Rappel

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 2:53 am

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

Maybe this is true in charedi schools. Not the case in the mamalachti and mamalachti dati school systems, which employ licensed teachers.

Where they're available. For example, out here you can't find a certified English teacher for love or money, and there is a dramatic shortage in male math teachers. Where there's no option for a certified teacher, they'll hire an uncertified one just to fill the gap.

But we are not a city. I can't imagine RBS has the same shortages.

amother

Chocolate

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 3:24 am

I just want to counter what gray said. Apparently she has had a negative experience (?) I live in rbs close to 20 years and its a great place to live. we are yeshivish/chareidi and we have a rav, a shul, and a community. its much warmer than the more transient neighborhoods of yerushalayim where its way easier to fall through the cracks. yes, there have been incidents here of pedophiles but there is everywhere. did you not see the campaign to finance surveillance cameras in sanhedria murchevet?

amother

Denim

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 3:26 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I find it very disturbing that there is no Rav for the city to oversee such matters. In well organized large frum communities in the United States the most prominent Rav in the community will do just that - have signs hung in shuls to alert others of dangerous people living in the community. Also, the comment that lots of people dont have a Rav in RBS is also not good...with such a large city so full of shuls, why would lots of families be without a Rav?

It's not just in RBS, it's everywhere in Israel. Cities are a mix of people. In RBS there isn't just one type so therefore each person will refer to his own rav. You need to make a connection with someone- and some people don't know how or don't want to. I also don't think that amother can make such a statement that most people don't have a rav unless you know forsure.

DrMom

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 3:34 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I want to live in Eretz Yisrael with American culture and English speakers in my neighborhood and in my kid's schools. I want a wholesome place where my children won't rebel if I want to watch over them and don't want them staying out all night. We are very frum, ffb, what is called oot yeshivish on this site.

I do not live in RBS, so perhaps there is an exception there, but in general, when you move to another country, you will be exposed to some element of that country's culture, unless you are moving to a compound for foreigners who are relocating for work (like those compounds in Saudi Arabia).

In general, Israeli society gives children a bit more independence than they might have in the US, so you might anticipate that your kids will expect a bit more freedom.

I know nothing about any pedophile spike in RBS. Obviously, if there is some sort of dangerous situation that develops, parents (even Israel ones!) will be more protective of their children.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 3:39 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Actually, the Anglos in the Romema neighbourhood of Yerushalayim are a lot less integrated with Israeli culture than in RBS. While I live in Romema, I know enough people in RBS that I can see the differences. Kids in RBS definitely learn Hebrew (not sure why that's a problem), while girls in Romema who go to Bnos Haddassah rarely speak it properly and fluently. It's a fully American school, where everyone talks English, and while some subjects are officially taught in Hebrew, they're taught by American English-speakers, so the girls never really need to use their Hebrew (I know several mothers who actually look at this as a downside, but it sounds like you wouldn't mind, OP). One thing I have no experience with is boys, so I can't tell you about that. There is virtually nowhere in the neighbourhood where you need to speak Hebrew, everyone around here speaks English.

It is true that the area is more expensive though.

Success10

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 3:49 am

Certain areas in Jerusalem have a high percentage of families that ultimately don't settle here permanently. They keep that in the back of their mind and don't fully integrate, or focus too much on Hebrew language for the kids. RBS families are mostly there to stay. Some right off the plane, some there for decades.

OP has to make aliyah with the understanding that she does need to embrace Israeli culture, whether she loves all of if or not. To come in with the hopes to continue raising her kids as Americans inside of Israel is not necessarily a great plan, even in RBS.

amother

Gray

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 4:18 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

People were sick of "it"...you mean being looked down upon by Chareidi society?

I want to live in Eretz Yisrael with American culture and English speakers in my neighborhood and in my kid's schools. I want a wholesome place where my children won't rebel if I want to watch over them and don't want them staying out all night. We are very frum, ffb, what is called oot yeshivish on this site.

You need to decide to be chareidi or Dati leumi. You cannot just be American yeshivish. Your kids will not fit in and their schools will confuse them. This is. Different system. You need to make a decision to integrate or your kids will go to school and be told their parents aren't frum enough and you at home will tell them the school rules are narishkeit and that's what confuses them and makes them go off the derech.

RBS is a mix. Lots and most American parents do watch their kids ans don't let them stay up all night. There's people who do and don't. With parenting kids there's always parents who alow more more or less.

amother

Gray

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 4:22 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

I love RBS. We have a Rav and a shul and the people we associate with do as well.

All I'm saying is that lots of people don't. There's lots of people being modern chareidi that came here because chareidi society outside was too strict.

And you need to integrate with chareidi society. Or your children will be very confused.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 4:58 am

I live in RBS. When DD was with me, we were in a crowded makolet on Friday, and suddenly she pushed ahead of me and said "Mama, someone just grabbed my butt."

I spun around, and all I saw was a sea of black hats and beards. There was no way to tell who did it.

But here's the thing. There is no such thing as a community without predators.I honestly don't believe such a place exists, except maybe in a small tribe in the Amazon rain forest.

Teach your kids about safety. Keep an open dialog with them. Read the "Let Grow" blog, and learn about how to teach your kids about how to spot warning signs, without making them afraid to step foot out of the house.

Repeat these lessons often. A one time speech about safety is not going to be enough. As your kids grow up, they need to hear it every now and again, as they start pushing into the wider world.

Let your kids know that they can say "NO" to an adult, even if that person is a rabbi or teacher. Even if that person is a close relative. Make sure that they know that you will back them up 100% if anything makes them feel uncomfortable. Kids are afraid of getting in trouble if they resist or tell, so keep telling them that you will not get mad at them. If the dangerous person acts mad, make sure your kids know that you will deal with them.

LISTEN to your kids, and if you are not sure, ask more questions.

Your kids need to to feel confident an in charge. They don't need to jump every time they hear a new sound, or constantly be looking over their shoulder. Just give them the basics, and be there for them.

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 6:05 am

I live in RBS for over 20 years. Unfortunately every community has predators and people who shouldn't be teachers or rebbeim.
But having said that RBS is a real community.
There are Rabbanim and community organizations that work tirelessly to help our children.
Nothing is going to be perfect, but you need to educate your children and research your choices of schools, shuls, and area to live.
Come join us, you wont be disappointed

amother

Blue

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 6:27 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Half of Mishkafayim and Alef are "American yeshivish". They are not Israeli chareidi at all, nor DL.