Lying

Posted: Thu, Nov 22 2007, 10:02 pm Post subject: lying

so dd lied

can't believe she lied

she lied over something stupid and trivial

her face got red and I could see it written all over

trust is the most important thing in any relationship

and to top it off now she's mad at me

Posted: Thu, Nov 22 2007, 11:12 pm Post subject: re: lying

That's hard...but you know what..sometimes we have to look into ourselves.

Children are not born lying. Children are born telling the truth.
Rebbetzin Kaplan of Tzfat last year at a Neshei Chabad convetion talked about how chas v'shalom we "teach" our children to lie by getting angry.

I am not saying this to do mussar on anyone else, I am struggling with guilt feelings right now that my son has started lying at 4, and I know very well why.

And I knew better, because I learned in a course that when a child comes home and says "I hit M!" We don't immediately jump and shake a finger and say "That's wrong" (we do say this, but first it is important to listen to what the child has to say)...

I hope as I work on not having "automatic responses" to ds when he want to tell me something, he will stop lying (and thank Gd it is not yet compulsive, but I know the problem begins and ends with me)

Posted: Thu, Nov 22 2007, 11:19 pm Post subject: re: lying

the reason it bothers me so much is two-fold

I NEVER lie (she knows this)

and what she lied about - was directly hurtful to me

Posted: Fri, Nov 23 2007, 12:56 pm Post subject: re: lying

why did she lie? was she afraid u woul;d punish her? did u accuse her and make her uncomfortable? why do u think she lied? ASK HER, then talk about it

Posted: Fri, Nov 23 2007, 12:57 pm Post subject: re: lying

Posted: Fri, Nov 23 2007, 1:49 pm Post subject: re: lying

I alos hate lying, so when one of my children was caught telling a lie, at first I freaked. Then when speaking it over with someone, we talked about why she might be lying. In figuring out what was causing it, it was eye opeining and then we could deal with it in an affective way. Hostile confrontation just never works. We let my dd know how we felt about lying, and also the rest that particular situation. Did she ever lie again, yes, but over time it did stop.

Posted: Sun, Nov 25 2007, 2:07 am Post subject: Re: re: lying

Posted: Sun, Nov 25 2007, 2:28 am Post subject:

gosh it's sort of backwards and hard to explain

it was cause she was excited about something and didn't realize that the lie would be worse - until it came out and she was embarrassed

Posted: Sun, Nov 25 2007, 2:53 pm Post subject: re: lying

ok so she was embarassed already. we all make mistakes. dont make her feel even worse. give her a kiss and tell her that she has the power to control herself and tell the truth even when hard and tell her that no matter what u love her.