Pregnant coworker insists on privacy

I realize this is very similar to many, many threads about when and how to tell your employer that you're expecting. I've read them, and I have a general feel for the consensus. My role in the situation is slightly different, though, and I'd really like everyone's take on it:

I work for a company in a creative, competitive industry. All the employees telecommute from all over the U.S., Europe, and Israel. The owner of the company is frum, and all the employees are Jewish. All but one are frum. We are all compensated very, very well, and most of our husbands learn full time or have only recently left kollel. I have been with the company longer than any of the other employees, and I have certain extra responsibilities.

Yesterday, one of my coworkers announced her pregnancy during a conference call. Of course, we were all very happy for her. This will be her fourth child, b'st, and she is due in about a month. When she announced her approximate due date, our boss and I went silent. I think we were both counting backward to last summer!

During the summer, this coworker had seriously fallen down in her work. In fact, we lost a major account because the quality and promptness of her work was so poor. My boss talked to her at the time, and he asked if anything was wrong. She told him that she had been sick recently, but was much better.

This coworker feels very strongly that no one know she's pregnant until the very last minute for reasons of tznius. I do appreciate that, but we're talking about people's parnosseh. When I was pregnant, I told my boss very early. Obviously, he didn't say anything until I was ready to go public, but he was able to adjust the work load and set deadlines that gave me a little wiggle room. Had we known sooner that the coworker in question was expecting, my boss could have redistributed the work or negotiated a different deadline. Since we don't usually know details about our coworkers' assignments unless there's some specific reason, no one would notice that she was being given more time than normal.

My boss has asked me if we should start the motions to replace this employee -- not so much because she did/didn't tell, but because we can't rely on her to either do the work orbe honest about what help she needs. My coworker is very good, but she's not irreplaceable. To be honest, I feel somewhat resentful of her attitude -- she has done this with an earlier pregnancy, and it causes a lot of difficulty that could be prevented. What do you think I should suggest to my boss? I don't want to trample on this woman's privacy, but it's very hard for us to work as a team under these circumstances.

I think you should speak to your co-worker and tell her approximately what you have written here. That you are thinking of firing her, because she can't be relied on to tell things that will have a bearing on her work.

You can say that you need a commitment from her to let you/ your boss know any time she knows she won't be able to keep up her workload - whether because she's pregnant, sick, has her brother's wedding coming up or whatever. She won't have to state the exact reason, but she will have to say something like, I probably will be able to work less for the next two or three months for personal reasons. In return you/ your boss, will keep the information private.

If she can't agree to do so, you will explain to her, then you will have to fire her, because someone can't run a business that way.

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 15 2007 Posts: 5828

I agree with shalhevet's suggestion.
You need to give her another chance but she needs to realize that while her privacy is important, the way her situation affects others is important as well.

I'm usually into letting people have their privacy but I agree with you on this point that when other people's lives, jobs and parnosa is at stake here, then a pregnant woman needs to talk to her boss.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 10 2006 Posts: 6566

It may not come to threats...In fact, for legal reasons, I wouldn't mention "we'll have to fire you if you are pg", could get sticky for the employer.

But definately explain to the employee all you've said here and make it clear and make her comfortable that only those (ie. the boss) who need to know will know, and that her privacy will be respected.

It's wrong to make everyone suffer but at the same time can create issues if it in any way looks like "we're firing you bc you've been/are pg" that won't help the company either.

Hold out on playing the "we're replacing you" ultimatum until you've exhausted cooperation and looked into the legalities so that the company does NOT suffer more. Maybe she's very scared about her pregnancies, more scared than losing her job (I could understand how a woman might feel this way), and threatening her will just make her more tense. I know she's in the wrong here, but sometimes the employer has to be the bigger person to manage people. That's the real world too.

She is under no obligation to tell you that she is pregnant. HOWEVER, if she is unable to do her work for any reason she should inform her supervisor or that she is experiencing health issues.

Perhaps make that a general policy for all, and spell out "pregnancy, illness of spouse, parent or child etc etc." so she isn't signalled out and any future employee knows the score.
_________________
But then again, I'm a dragon.
"The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping is to make sure he never knows he�s in prison."
� Fyodor Dostoevsky (via cosmic-rebirth)

Gold Member Joined: Oct 29 2005 Posts: 1016 Location: ny

How do you know that was for sure the reason? She could have been sick with something else, and besides, she did say she was sick, but feeling better.

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 15 2007 Posts: 5828

I think the point tzipp is that whatever she may have been sick with, while it was going on she should have told her boss that something is going on that is making it hard for her to cope right now so that he would have had the opportunity to lighten her load and prevent the loss that occured!

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 25 2007 Posts: 4863

Large companies have specific rules for informing supervisors about even short-term disabilities. Maybe a rule like that would help.

why does the boss consult with you on another employee's employment status? if you are not her supervisor, I think you should stay out of it. if the boss requires your input, I hope you are compensated for your position. your opinion and involvement in her job could very well backfire if you are resentful enough (and right there is reason enough to not even be speaking about her) and she finds out and ends up keeping her job

Didn't anyone warn her that they realized her performance was slacking? Maybe she was in denial, but does that in itself make her a bad worker?

I was in this position with my second pregnancy, and as soon as it was brought to my attention that things were just not happening fast enough, I got some extra help and the situation was ameliorated.

I feel that maybe not enough was said to her before these steps were taken.

Isn't there a law about letting your imployer know by a certain time? COuld youadd such a clause to everyones contracts?

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48157

It sounds rathter harsh. Maybe she's better off elsewhere.

Senior Member Joined: Dec 26 2007 Posts: 196

Warning on the firing thing - you can have a lawsuit on your hands if she can prove that she was fired due to her pregnancy.

That said, there are other ways to get rid of a person if it somes to that. Document and keep record of her performance. A list of absences, missed deadlines and uncompleted work can serve as proof that the job responsibilities are not being met, and cover you from a discrimination lawsuit down the line.