So dissapointed. My son is stealing.

A few month ago I discovered that my son was regularly taking money from my purse. My husband and I we had a serious conversation with him. We explained to him that it is extremely dishonest and a big avera to do such a thing. That we work very hard for that money and we need every penny to manage. That this time we would not punish him but if we catch him again doing such a thing there would be a very serious punishement.

Today I catched him again stealing money from my purse. When the money disappeared I was almost sure that he took it. But all the lamenting (from my part) didn't help to make him say he did it. It was only when I threatened him that he decided to tell me that he really took the money and gave it back. You can imagine how enraged I was.

Right now I'm preparing his bar-mitzwah which will be very soon. It costs me a lot of money and dedication. But I'm really dissappointed and disgusted.

I want to teach my son to be a honest and courrageous man. But I don't now how to do it, how to react, what to tell him. I hope you can give me some advice.

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 30 2004 Posts: 3194

What exactly is he taking the money for? it may give you a clue as to what the problem is and why hes doing it

Posted: Thu, Nov 01 2007, 7:34 pm Post subject:

maybe with his upcomming bar mitzva you can tell him that you are not going to make a big party because you don't have enough money. make him feel that with his steeling money he can not get whatever he wants.

you could also talk about it with his rabbi that is going to teach him before the bar mitzva, he should talk to him about the aveire of stealing

good luck!!
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Posted: Thu, Nov 01 2007, 7:40 pm Post subject:

Actually I had the same thought. But the problem is that I don't like the idea of giving a bad impression of my child to his rabbi.

you could also talk about it with his rabbi that is going to teach him before the bar mitzva, he should talk to him about the aveire of stealing

good luck!![/quote]

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 27 2005 Posts: 6725

if the problem is $ for sweets, tell him you understand he wants to be the same as the other children and since you cannot buy him as much snack or give him that much money for it, maybe you can help him find a way to earn some of his own money. Talk to him about why its wrong. Explain to him you don't give him the money because you can't, not because you re a mean parent who doesn't want him to have the same as the others. But if it means so much to him to have the snacks find a way to help him work to get what he wants so he not resort to what he knows is wrong. jmho.
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Diamond Member Joined: Dec 30 2004 Posts: 3194

Platinum Member Joined: Jul 27 2007 Posts: 14736

I stole money from my parents as part of my teenaged rebellion. I'd been this incredibly obedient child, and then I just discovered what it felt like to rebel, and part of that was doing something that I would have never considered before. I later confessed that I'd been doing it.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48139

We went through that, and spoke to the school psychologist. He said that kids need their own discretionary, pocket money, and that if the family wasn't really really poor, that tht's what he recommended.

My kids always had their own savikngs accounts, checking accoutns and credit cards, too....from before they could write their names! It's a great way to teach them to save and budge, too.

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 04 2006 Posts: 2694

Posted: Thu, Nov 01 2007, 10:05 pm Post subject:

well I have 2 thoughts ... one is I agree with making sure he finds a way to earn a little money

also bar mitzva boys get a pretty penny for gifts ... perhaps he could be required to pitch in a certain amount of that gift money towards the cost ... (I thought about doing that with my son but then I didn't)
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1. I think it starts at an early age when kids pick up vibes from parents or caregivers that when we borrow we ask permission even if it's a pencil.

2. Though hopefully he will learn have you thought of not having money in the house, like using a debit card and giving masseh through checks.

3. Teens especially need their own money wether it is pocket or earned but a plan should be that he gets a certain amount every month.
I do agree with choc on this

LET HIM KNOW THAT ITS SAFE to ask and tel u what he wants but that stealing is wrong....