Teshuva on thoughtless comment?

Posted: Wed, Sep 05 2007, 10:11 pm Post subject: teshuva on thoughtless comment?

How do you do teshuva on an thoughtless comment? If I bring it up to apologize, that brings up hurt feelings again. I don't even know if the person would remember it, or even if they were hurt at all, but I remember it and it bothers me. It wasn't really bad but I didn't take their possiblly hurt feelings into consideration.

That's very thoughtful of you.

Maybe you could appologize to her like "if I ever hurt you, I appologize"?
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"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

I would hate to say something wrong and make the apology non good. Maybe you could ask a rav if it's worth it to bring up the stuff or just to be general?

I agree that it's probably best to be vague, rather ask for mechila for anything hurtful you may have said.
I realized I made a stupid comment a couple of months ago. When a single 25 (?) year old told me her younger sister was engaged, I asked her if she was happy for her.......I really didn't mean it like it sounded, but I instatnly regretted it, covering with, "I mean, do you like him? approve?" but I definately want to ask her mechila without being specific!

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 15 2007 Posts: 5828

I think its always better to err on the side of asking mechila.

I once asked mechila from someone for a thoughtless comment I had made and turns out she didn't remember what I was talking about and claims she wouldn't have been hurt by it.

good thing is, I could relax after that, knowing I had asked mechila, she had forgiven, but had never to begin with been upset... and all that wasted energy in stressing out over it for a very long time..lol

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 15 2007 Posts: 5828

if they do remember and they haven't forgiven then you need to ask mechila
if they don't accept you need to ask again.
only after 3 legitimate requests for mechila can you say you've done your part and now its their issue to work out.

I had mixed emotions once when someone made a mechila call. She apologized for ignoring me at a party. I had no idea she had ignored me at a party. However, she told me she absolutely did not intend to do it and only felt, after the fact, that she had perhaps ignored me. Then I started to feel better and was touched by her sensitivity to have remembered such a thing.

I think if you make it very clear the remark was unintentional and only after the fact you realize it could have been misconstrued, it will probably be okay...but the moment I thought it was intentional and yet was unnoticed by me, I felt it could have been left unsaid.

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 15 2007 Posts: 5828