Stinky 9 days

Posted: Mon, Jul 16 2007, 11:37 am Post subject: Stinky 9 days

I'm at a complete loss as to what to do here.

My DH does not shower/bathe at all during the nine days (except for Friday, of course). I suppose if he fell into a vat of mud, he'd wash off, but other than that, no.

Personally, I do bathe during the nine days. Instead of bathing daily, as I usually do, I shower only every 36-48 hours. And instead of a long, hot shower, I take a quick cool/lukewarm one, just long enough to wash my hair and get the dirt and grime off of me.

However, usually after two days or so, DH begins to smell. Sometimes rather badly. Last year, I had to move into a spare bedroom after three days. It's just that bad. Since he otherwise is fastidious in his grooming, and otherwise showers just about every day, I know it's not due to laziness or slobiness that he doesn't shower... it's due to halacha.

Now, I don't know what to do. I feel like I should be encouraging him to strive toward greater spirituality (even if, in this case, cleanliness is not next to Godliness), but it gets to the point where I just wish he would just get in the shower for five minutes. Furthermore, although he hasn't said anything, I can't help but feel like I am a disappointment to him because I shower during the nine days.

Posted: Mon, Jul 16 2007, 11:38 am Post subject: re: Stinky 9 days

tell him to ask a rav if for sholom bayis he can shower. u are allowed to btw!!!!!

Posted: Mon, Jul 16 2007, 11:50 am Post subject: re: Stinky 9 days

same boat here. dh doesn't either shower. could I say b"h I am in niddah? Wink

Now I know the advice that everyone will give- 'tell him to ask a shaila if he could shower', 'tell him it bothers you..' etc. but NO I will not do that, cause I know that he is following halacha and I am relying on heterim (so I feel guilty enough). I just always try to imagine what the ppl. in the time of the churban went through, searching in the streets for some food, flour...
I'll live through it.

Silver Member Joined: Jan 19 2006 Posts: 537

Can you suggest a "sponge bath?"
I.e. filling a basin with water and using a washcloth to wipe sweaty areas of the body. This should help the odor without compromising Halacha.

Posted: Mon, Jul 16 2007, 12:02 pm Post subject: re: Stinky 9 days

I attended a shiur last night about the 9 days. Apparently in the days when people did not bathe regularly, people did not wash in the 9 days. Now, when the average person showers twice a day, they suffer far more from not showering than was originally intended. Because of that, short lukewarm showers are allowed.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

Short lukewarm showers are allowed if you are sweaty, dirty, or uncomfortable. It is not a heter. Ask a Rav.

Sorry, anyone who smells offensively and refuses to ask a Rav is using it just as an excuse.

(Obviously they didn't bathe in the original nine days- they were under seige and had no water.)

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48141

in the men's mikvah, for example, the showers have only cold water and I think no soap, but I could be wrong.

for whatve reason, you smell the men more than the ladies during the 9 days.

I HATE THIS TIME OF YEAR !!!!!!!

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Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48141

Posted: Mon, Jul 16 2007, 3:46 pm Post subject:

when a person only had the luxury of bathing was it once a week or once a month ... then it was a luxury ... now we have (usually) running water in our homes ... and to bath is a health issue ... a quick shower just to get clean is permissible ... only it seems like people don't care to do this because somehow they feel very holy if they have somehow survived the 9 days without 1 ... well they may be able to tolerate their own smell - probably get used to it and think it is normal ... but what about the rest of us ... including the world at large who think the jews smell ... that I say is a chillul Hashem ...

Posted: Mon, Jul 16 2007, 4:54 pm Post subject: re: Stinky 9 days

This rabbi said that he read a study that said that Americans average 2 showers a day. I could be that because people shower after a workout and then again before bed or when getting ready for work, that it becomes 2 a day.

Posted: Mon, Jul 16 2007, 5:32 pm Post subject: re: Stinky 9 days

if your husband smells bad and it really bothers you then I'm sure a rav will allow a 2-minute cold shower just to wash off sweat. You're not supposed to take showers for pleasure but for shalom bayis, see what the rav says. Don't feel like you're doing something against halacha, please ask a rav, they're here to help us.

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 27 2006 Posts: 4760

Silver Member Joined: May 05 2006 Posts: 980

Let's not forget that you can't always go by the "average American." After all, the Average American has one ovary and one testicle. Very Happy

Tammy

Platinum Member Joined: May 06 2007 Posts: 8512

Huh?
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Just Plain Frum!

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 17 2005 Posts: 5505

Silver Member Joined: May 05 2006 Posts: 980

Think about it...

How many ovaries does the average American have?

It's a statistical joke. Here's another:

Three statiticians go hunting in the woods and they see a bear. One takes out his bow shoots an arrow. Unfortunately, it goes 10 feet to the left of the bear. A second one takes out his bow and shoots, but his shot goes 10 feet to the right. The third one starts jumping up and down and going "We got him! We got him!"

Tammy

Posted: Mon, Jul 16 2007, 7:04 pm Post subject: re: Stinky 9 days

Whether or not it was the average American or the American average, he said that 60 years ago it was twice a week. Because we shower so frequently now, it bothers us a great deal not to.

Posted: Mon, Jul 16 2007, 7:19 pm Post subject: re: Stinky 9 days

Guys, it's midsummer....Hot, sweaty weather in most places.

Taking a quick, cool shower for hygienic purposes DOES NOT contradict Halacha.

Anyone who actually STINKS during the nine days-enough to offend and distance people, especially his wife, well sorry....I don't call that honorable.

*I was at a shiur today and the Rav said what SouthernBubby said....

He did add that while showering is not considered an indulgence in hot weather, using extra conditioners and lotions that are not absolutely necessary for cleanliness, is. Exclamation

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Platinum Member Joined: Jan 17 2005 Posts: 5505

tammy - I dont know u but I like u!!!! Laughing