"out-of-town" | Imamother

613

Thu, Jul 07 2005, 12:26 pm

well, I DEFINITELY did NOT want to marry a NYer (being the nice, sweet, out-of-towner that I am). guess what? I got a nice, sweet NYer! (he hates the NY mentality, too).
NYer- when said in a negative way, does not necessarily imply "anyone from NY," it means people with the "NY mentality" (not a mensch)

gryp

Thu, Jul 07 2005, 2:28 pm

Quote:

I'm not sure why NY'ers are so much busier than everyone else in the 'outside world' that they can't say hello and be friendly as out-of-towners are............

I didnt understand this either before I moved to NY, but ill try to explain: there are so many people (Jewish or not) in NY that just seeing a person is not a good enough reason to say "hi." otherwise youll be stuck in the same spot on the sidewalk for the entire day just saying "hi." in NY you say "hi" to people you know and recognize. this is the same reason you dont say good shabbos to every single person on the street, only if you know them.
that said, if I notice someone I dont know looking at me while im walking somewhere, I just smile and usually they smile back. if I see the same person every day its "hi how are you" and if its someone I havent seen in years, I usuallly have a long conversation.

anyway, I think each community is different- Crown Heights, Boro Park, Flatbush- people act differently towards each other. in my community I wouldnt say that people dont act menschlich as a generalization, but so many out of towners have moved in and the community has expanded so much, that the real rude NY'er isnt really found much. some stores have rude cashiers but I just dont shop there.

queen

Thu, Jul 07 2005, 4:30 pm

RG-

you sound like a very nice person so please don't take my retort in the wrong way---- but while walking down the street (WITHOUT STOPPING) one can still say gut shabbos without losing any time.

Yes, you are right in NY there are tons of ppl walking on the streets.... and at times pass numerous people at once.. however that is not always the case.

Imagine the warmth and good feelings the person would feel by your smile and good shabbos wish. Why not make them feel good, regardless that you'll never meet them again.

If you be friendly and make people feel good=== why not?

Motek

Thu, Jul 07 2005, 5:10 pm

queen wrote:

while walking down the street (WITHOUT STOPPING) one can still say gut shabbos without losing any time.

just curious - do you say hello or good morning/good afternoon to every person you see while walking down the street on a weekday?

613

Thu, Jul 07 2005, 5:12 pm

Motek wrote:

just curious - do you say hello or good morning/good afternoon to every person you see while walking down the street on a weekday?

I know this wasn't addressed to me, but yes, I at least smile and may say hi. whether they're jewish or not. unless they're someone really creepy looking. but this is one of the best ways to make a kiddush hashem!

chavamom

Thu, Jul 07 2005, 5:34 pm

Motek wrote:

queen wrote:

while walking down the street (WITHOUT STOPPING) one can still say gut shabbos without losing any time.

just curious - do you say hello or good morning/good afternoon to every person you see while walking down the street on a weekday?

Not all, but many. It is definately a midwestern and southern mentality that you smile and nod or say hello (or say 'hey' if you are a bit further South) to the people you pass.

My son actually got told off by an elderly man recently when walking home from shul - the man said 'good shabbos' and my son wasn't paying attention. The man stopped him and said 'YOUNG MAN. When you pass a Yid on the street you say GOOD SHABBOS!' My son was mortified, but let me tell you, he says good shabbos when he sees this man coming.

gryp

Thu, Jul 07 2005, 10:38 pm

Quote:

you sound like a very nice person so please don't take my retort in the wrong way---- but while walking down the street (WITHOUT STOPPING) one can still say gut shabbos without losing any time.

queen- of course youre right, but the time is not the issue with the "good shabbos." thats why I explained first about "hello/how are you," that is said only to people you know. and "good shabbos" is just the same way.
im an out-of-towner that moved to NY so I really understand both sides. thats why I tried to explain it as best as I could to those who couldnt understand it.

Quote:

Imagine the warmth and good feelings the person would feel by your smile and good shabbos wish. Why not make them feel good, regardless that you'll never meet them again.

I still have "out-of-towner" instincts, so as I said, I do smile when I meet someone on the street if I see she is looking at me and I usually receive a smile in return. but thank Hashem I developed the NY mentality so I have no problem speaking up bluntly or loudly when I need to stand up for myself. if I didnt, do you know how many times I would be charged the wrong price in stores, how many people would cut ahead of me in line, how many times I would come home from shopping with old bread, sour yogurt, or another bad product?
its called survival skills, or "NY ettiquette."

chavamom

Thu, Jul 07 2005, 10:59 pm

Motek wrote:

chavamom - your son wasn't ignoring him, right?

I certainly would not have appreciated that man's comments.

Not intentionally, no. But apparently he thought he was. My son said to me 'Mommy, I didn't notice him' and I told him not to worry about it. It was a crabby 'alter cracker', what can ya' do? My only point was that the assumption was, you pass a Jew, you say 'good shabbos'.

carrot

Sun, Jul 10 2005, 4:23 pm

this thread is making me homesick....

I miss the quiet, the cleanliness, the polite people, the wide open space, the trees, the grass, the privacy, the carefully tended lawns, the sprinklers, the library open every day of the week, the friendly neighborhood grocery, the easy driving, the smell of freshly mown grass, the long, meandering bike trails, and did I say all the beautiful soft green grass?

what am I doing here in this concrete jungle... Crying

daisy

Sun, Jul 10 2005, 5:27 pm

my kids have taken to saying good shabbos to all the passerbys. It brings a smile to many faces when they hear a little boy under 2 calling out "good sabbes". However, he is a bit nondiscriminate, so his older sister has to explain him -"those people don't have shabbos".

carrot

Mon, Jul 11 2005, 6:46 pm

yeah, the dogs... I forgot the dogs. it's not so much the barking at night that bothers me, as much as the fact that I have a real phobia of dogs and the friendly ones (which they all seem to be, in my neighborhood) are the worst. it's funny. with my phobia, I'm more afraid of pet dogs than strays.

I have a neighbor, a ww2 vet, who when I was younger had a bunch of huge dogs which terrorized me. then one by one they all died and now he is left with just this one big black dog who is deaf and blind and really slow moving. he doesn't have the energy to bark at anybody anymore. sometimes I think about this dog and wonder if he is still alive. maybe he died today. I wouldn't know.

this post is a jumble of past and present tense. guess where my mind is today... let's just say "out-of-town"!

TzenaRena

Tue, Jul 12 2005, 2:34 pm

It's definitely true, out of towners are friendlier, more open. I went to school in New York, and my best friendships were with out of towners, particularly girls I met in summer camp, and seminary.

Also, the out-of-town style of dress is less competitive.

odchai

Sun, Jul 31 2005, 1:48 pm

When I was a kid living in Minnesota, Crown Heights "By the Rebbe" meant where it was all happening, that and that's where Avraham Fried lived! It was only when I grew up I realized that for the rest of the world Manhattan really was the center of the world. That's why I think that it's funny that people who live in Brooklyn really think they are "In Town", they're close, but not quite there, at least for the rest of the world. I can say this, I lived in Boro Park for 6 months before I fled.

Tefila

Sun, Jul 31 2005, 5:33 pm

I agree w/h queen you don't have to look so serious as you pass people nor do you have to be soo friendly. But a smile, a sincere hello, a good shabbos can make someone who'se had a bad day feel like a million dollars. What the worse that will happen if one does that. And if they strike up a conversation w/h you soo let it be for only good things and always walk w/h a smile on your face!!
Neighbors jewish or not one can wave or say hello this should not be a cultural thing but a Jewish one. This is called complacency when someone can't acknowledge anothers presence, like only they exist.