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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Organizing
amother
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 Wed, Mar 04 2015, 2:55 pm
Dh wants me to ask. He expects it to be perfect and I struggle with it.
What's your experience?
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MagentaYenta
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 3:01 pm
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My hubby was the stay at home and I worked. It wasn't always perfect, the kid was clean and fed, my bathroom was clean and my bed was made. Laundry got done. There would be toys on the floor or books scattered but no dirt dishes laying about the living room or in the sink. Sometimes the kitchen floor needed a mopping due to our dogs muddy paws, but that's life.
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Sherri
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 3:03 pm
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I imagine it would greatly depend on when the husband comes home. If he walks through the door during the supper/bed/bath rush, it's hard to have the house in "tip top shape" then!
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BetsyTacy
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 3:04 pm
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Do you have children in the home? If so, then it will not be perfect. If not, there is a decent chance it will be.
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Ruchel
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 3:07 pm
What, after a day at home with the kid(s). You bet it's not. Neither was it when HE was the sah parent.
Maybe your husband needs a "bonding week end" with the kids 
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Emotional
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 3:43 pm
Aren't there factors to consider? Like how many kids, their ages and stages, their personalities, the mom's personality and physical stamina?
I can tell you that many times, even when I manage to get the house looking decent, by the time my husband comes home many hours later it's largely undone.
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sheep
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 3:48 pm
I'm a SAHM and struggle with organization. So it's only when I have a cleaning lady in the afternoon. (PS - cleaning ladies are amazing for Sholom Bayis. My husband really needs a clean house.)
I do try to clear up a bit but it's hit or miss.
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amother
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 3:57 pm
| Emotional wrote: | Aren't there factors to consider? Like how many kids, their ages and stages, their personalities, the mom's personality and physical stamina?
I can tell you that many times, even when I manage to get the house looking decent, by the time my husband comes home many hours later it's largely undone. |
I'm a work-from-home mom, and even though my husband is understanding, I always feel so bad that the house is such a wreck he comes back! Even when I manage to clean up a bit earlier, by the time bedtime hits, it's back to disaster mode.
Once I was good and did all the dishes and cleaned up the apartment, around 4 or 5 pm, and I took a video just to show my husband what it looked like! He believed me, but I was still happy that I did it, to show that I actually do something on occasion, even if dinner time/the kids undo it!
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momX4
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 4:00 pm
My house is clean but messy. Dh comes home close tp bedtime so I dont have time to clean up the dinner\play mess.
Side note: my dh is particular about having his dinner ready when he walks in. Bh I am able to do that.
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gp2.0
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 4:00 pm
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Fun question: If your DH is ever home with the kids alone for a few hours, like on a Sunday or some evening when you go out alone, do you come back home to a spotless clean house?
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amother
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 4:05 pm
Absolutely not!
Sorry (but assuming that you have kids) that is a ridiculous request.
I have 2 little kids -- a toddler and a baby, and when my husband gets home, I'm in the kitchen preparing/warming up dinner while watching them to make sure they don't hurt, bite, etc. each other. Toys are usually all over the floor (they've been playing with them all day. That's their job. What else should they be doing??)
Cleaning up would be pointless because they will just get the house messy all over again within minutes.
After I put my kids to bed, I pick up all of the toys, wipe the table clean, do dishes, and sweep the floors. Then my house is normal. It's only super tidy/in tip top shape before Shabbos.
If your husband keeps saying this to you, the definitely speak to a Rav because I think he will tell your husband that his expectations are too high.
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amother
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 4:12 pm
I'm op. Since some of you asked I have one 16mo. He told me I can hire someone if it's too difficult but I haven't been able to find someone to come for only an hour a day or a couple hours a few times a week.
His mom is OCD about cleanliness, seriously the neatest person I've ever met.
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mummiedearest
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 4:28 pm
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when I had two toddlers, the house was pretty clean when he came home. however, he came home after bedtime, and I was heavily into cleaning up every night, including spray-mopping the dining room. also, the cleaning involved the floors. I did not declutter surfaces. dishes have always gotten done in the morning around here, so there are always dishes in the sink when he comes home. now that I have three kids and bedtime is later, I'm too tired after bedtime to clean up. I do all clean up in the morning, unless it's so bad that I just can't handle it. I do not allow a half box of cheerios to remain on the floor overnight, but I let a lot go. I know he appreciates the house being clean when he comes home, but he doesn't insist on it. if it bothers him, he starts to clean up.
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amother
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 4:33 pm
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My house looks like a bomb went off most days.
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finallyamommy
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 5:40 pm
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Sigh. I feel like I say this in a lot of threads. If he wants a cleaner house, and you are busy raising HIS children, he can clean it himself.
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zigi
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 5:57 pm
| amother wrote: | | My house looks like a bomb went off most days. |
oh yes exactly especially after sunday and in the mornings and when they come home. it gets straightened up during the day. its great when he comes home and the big kids are in school.
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amother
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 6:01 pm
| Ruchel wrote: | What, after a day at home with the kid(s). You bet it's not. Neither was it when HE was the sah parent.
Maybe your husband needs a "bonding week end" with the kids |
Love this! I try but after a full day of playing with my dd the house definitely is a bit messy! If anything sahms houses get messier bc kids and mom are home mpre, and messes pile up.
Ask him if there's something specific that bothers him and try to do that. But otherwise if he and you both want all that cleaning help than why not? But the answer to your question in the op is generally no.
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octopus
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 7:04 pm
| mummiedearest wrote: | | when I had two toddlers, the house was pretty clean when he came home. however, he came home after bedtime, and I was heavily into cleaning up every night, including spray-mopping the dining room. also, the cleaning involved the floors. I did not declutter surfaces. dishes have always gotten done in the morning around here, so there are always dishes in the sink when he comes home. now that I have three kids and bedtime is later, I'm too tired after bedtime to clean up. I do all clean up in the morning, unless it's so bad that I just can't handle it. I do not allow a half box of cheerios to remain on the floor overnight, but I let a lot go. I know he appreciates the house being clean when he comes home, but he doesn't insist on it. if it bothers him, he starts to clean up. |
This is a biggie. If hubby is coming home early, while kids are supping, bathing, bedtime, I don't think it's fair to expect perfection. If he is coming home at nine or ten, then it is possible to get more cleaning time and then I guess Collapse. But ifyou are coming home during cranky time, don't expect much in my book.
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MMCH
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 7:19 pm
HE** No!!!
Well to be honest, I am the neater/cleaner one of the two of us. So he wouldn't even really mind.
Though, when he comes home, I do try to have the dishes washed, All the beds made, and the floors swept.
But not bc my dh came home, bc I would hope by 830 pm that I would have gotten my act together to straighten up.
But you can be sure there are ALWAYS toys on the living room floor.
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granolamom
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Wed, Mar 04 2015, 10:53 pm
well, I once heard something about a man having a clean house, dinner, happy kids: choose 2/3
these days my house is pretty clean when my dh comes home. but that's because my youngest is 5 so we arent heavy into toys anymore. I mean, she is, but the others arent. usually they spend the late afternoon/evening doing hw or reading. not very messy. although there are days when you cant see the kitchen table because of all of the arts and crafts she gets into.
but when my kids were little I did make some effort to clean up, we had a game called "fifteen to daddy' which was shortened from 'fifteen minute pickup before daddy gets home'. I'd set a timer and we'd pick up toys about 1/2 hr before dh was expected home. It never got my house in tip-top shape but it helped get the kids help with the cleanup before bedtime.
like others have said, if your dh wants a greater standard of cleanliness than you are realistically able to provide, then yes, he needs to pay for it or do it himself. if you cant find someone to come in for only 1 hr per day then he may need to pay someone on a more full time basis. you are not his mother and I wonder exactly how neat her home was when your dh was 16 mo. its very hard to keep a house in tip top shape all the time when you have a toddler, and I'm a neat freak who likes to clean.
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