Bas Mitzva | Imamother

Motek

Sun, Jun 12 2005, 1:02 pm

I just met someone and we got to talking about bar and bas mitzvas. I asked her what she did, if anything, for her daughters. She said nothing.

I know that some schools have rules about this. One school's rule is private, family celebrations only.

so I think the variations are:

1) those who do nothing to celebrate/mark the occasion (which was the case for almost 100% of Jewry for millenia)

2) those who make a private celebration at home

A) for the bas mitzva girl's classmates
B) for the immediate family (sometimes only the females)

3) those who do not make a celebration of any kind but mark the occasion in other ways such as by giving a gift, a sefer, having a parent/child talk about her responsibilities.

3) a public party, I.e. at a hall or other public venue (roller rink ...)

When I was bas mitzva, my mother made me a bas mitzva party at home to which my entire class was invited. I remember attending other bas mitzva parties that year.

What did you do?

technic

Tue, Jun 14 2005, 7:18 pm

we made a seuda in israel w the family (when we were there 4 pesach),and will iyh have a party 4 her classmates in a hall, except that its a sore point right now cos the hall double-booked and we lost Sad

- wish me luck finding another one pls Exclamation

meesi

Tue, Jun 14 2005, 10:19 pm

Our children's school has a "group Bat Mitzvah" program for the girls. Personally, I am not a firm believer in this in the same way that I am not comfortable with women Rabbis, etc., but if my dd (who is only 6 years old now) wants to participate in order to celebrate her Judaism, who am I to refuse?

I am, however, appalled by what some people are doing these days in the name of celebrating a Bar/Bat Mitzvah- they seem to be more about the BAR and less about the MITZVAH.... Rolling Eyes

Chana

yo'ma

Tue, May 25 2010, 3:33 pm

I had a slumber party with all the girls in my class. My mother did this with all of us girls.

We just made one for my dd. We gave her a choice of a party or dinner at a restaurant. She chose a restaurant. She invited 3 friends and her grandparents. It was us, her friends, and my il's at a nice restaurant that we've never been to. It was very nice. The nicer part was, it was empty Smile

, so for my little ones who couldn't sit anymore, I didn't care so much that they got up and "walked" around.

Simple1

Tue, May 25 2010, 3:40 pm

meesi wrote:

Chana

There is nothing wrong and everything right about a group Bat Mitzvah if done right. The very yeshivish schools in Lakewood do it. The point is if we want to raise girls who take mitzvohs seriously, something should be done to mark this milestone as important. I'm planning to do a party at home with our siblings families. But I believe even the ultra traditional who don't do a party will mark it at least by giving a gift.

Isramom8

Tue, May 25 2010, 7:26 pm

I studied a sefer (pesukim and Rashi) with each daughter, and we each wrote a dvar Torah based on a meaningful point in what we studied. One party was a melave malka at home, and the other was a sukkah party. The guests were the daughter's and mother's friends.

My 11 year old dd has gone to two bas mitzvah party where the girl didn't say a dvar Torah. So she says it's not done and she doesn't want to do it. DH and I told her that without that, it's just a birthday party and we're not making her one stam.

A few of my friends have made bas mitzvah parties for their daughters and not invited women, only the girl's classmates. So I'm thinking of inviting only girls the next time around. Why should I invite women who didn't invite me?

Each time we also had a separate small get together with a few of the grandparents' friends (couples) - one in a nearby small restaurant, and one also in/outside the sukkah. But I think I'll skip that and just go to a restaurant with whatever family is around. (The men and boys are not at the party that includes the classmates.)

Merrymom

Tue, May 25 2010, 7:35 pm

Isramom8 wrote:

It's nice to say a dvar Torah but if she's shy I don't think it's right to push it. Mostly the girls do a chesed project at the bas/t mitzvahs so it is different than just a birthday party.