Guests in our bedroom

tichellady

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 6:24 pm

My husband and I will be traveling for a week and my mother just asked if my aunt and uncle and cousins who will be visiting could stay in our apartment while we are gone. I have no problem with them using our guest room and guest bathroom but I feel weird about having them stay in our bedroom. Our room is also very simple and not decorated and could use a lot of cleaning ( which I will do if they do end up using the apartment) and I feel self conscious about how not " master bedroomy" it is. Should I get over my feelings and say yes? What do you think?

feigeleh

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 6:28 pm

I've done this. Got a cleaning lady before and after and tried not to think about the whole thing. If they need it, it outweighs your slight discomfort and its such an easy mitzva.

amother

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 6:29 pm

You're Perfectly entitled to keep master bedroom off bounds. Many pple will identify with your feelings, others will say to override your thoughts; I say that if you're self conscious or uncomfortable, lock it LOL

Cookie Monster

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 6:32 pm

amother wrote:

What she said. But let them know beforehand so that they don't count on the extra space.

nyer1

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 6:33 pm

I wouldn't be concerned about the 'look' of it, because I don't think that guests looking for sleeping accommodations really care about that, otherwise they could just go to a hotel… but I don't really feel comfortable with anyone in my master bedroom because it's just that - it's MY master bedroom. I feel like it's a private sacred place for my husband and I only and I just don't see any reason why someone would need to ever be in there. it's just my husband and I and those little people that just keep coming back ! (my kids lol)

tichellady

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 6:50 pm

Thanks for your responses.

What do you think about this: the parents can stay in the guest room and I set up air mattresses for the two girls in the living room. They can use the guest bathroom and we lock the door to the our bedroom. I would tell them this is the arrangement before they came.

amother

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 7:00 pm

I'm The first amother who answered, and I think it's very special that you want to accommodate them. Sounds perfect to me! If they don't like it for whatever reason, they can decline, but your offer is very reasonable. LOL

MiracleMama

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 7:07 pm

nyer1 wrote:

Very much feel this way.

Tichellady, your solution is absolutely reasonable and generous.

amother

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 7:36 pm

feigeleh wrote:

I've done this. Got a cleaning lady before and after and tried not to think about the whole thing. If they need it, it outweighs your slight discomfort and its such an easy mitzva.

Easy for you mitzvah. And who are we to measure her discomfort vs their need? Quite frankly, even if the two were equal she has the advantage of the fact that it is her apartment and she can choose based on her comfort level. Sheesh!

And OP I think that's a great idea! Personally I wouldn't forget the lock though because some people think they are entitled to explore host homes they stay in when the hosts aren't there.

Raisin

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 4:15 am

tichellady wrote:

great idea! I would never lend out my master bedroom.

greenfire

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 3:17 pm

tichellady wrote:

this is a great solution ...

there are those that mind & those that wouldn't mind ... I once babysat a friend's kids and even though she said I could use her room I was going to sleep on the couch ... I changed my mind after her fish tank sounded like the niagra falls on crack & I was thankful to have had this option

sky

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 3:53 pm

I don't lend out my master bedroom.
I don't feel I can clean it well enough to get rid of my personal footprint and don't like the idea of others sleeping there.
I've had people offer to pay me for the use of my house, and have gladly given them my guest rooms free of charge instead.

I think its a personal preference because some people have no problem with it. (By my dh's aufruf my father was put up in someone's one bedroom apt in their master bedroom and they totally did not care).

My MIL did once sleep in my room when I went to the hospital in labor, but that is because it was the only free room on the same floor as my kids, they were sleeping, and we had to leave quickely, and there was not choice. But given a choice I wouldn't do it.

Sanguine

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 4:03 pm

Looks like (almost) everyone agrees with you. I wouldn't lend out my room either. There's just so much out in the room on top of dressers, night tables... Everything would feel so 'touched'. But I wouldn't lock the room either. Locking the room is clearly saying "I don't trust you". No matter what, they'll snoop somewhere (kitchen, medicine cabinet...) so maybe my room, but I don't want to know and I don't want them to know I know. I don't really think they'd want to snoop in my room. But once I stayed in someone's empty apartment and I got my period. I have to admit. I snooped everywhere till I found pads embarrassed

Scrabble123

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 4:15 pm

I know people who have let others sleep in their master bedrooms. I don't know if I would want someone sleeping in my master, but I would never be embarrassed of my room not looking "master bedroomy." It looks how I deem it appropriate to look for now. As long as it is clean and well-kept there is nothing to do embarrassed of. You still do not need to allow others in your master, but please don't be embarrassed of the lack of artwork and such!

Ruchel

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 4:37 pm

My bedroom is a bedroom. It's not master anything, I guess. It had never dawned on me I needed to be embarrassed that I didn't build a special bedroom or something.

We have one toilet, one bathroom with shower and sink and stuff. Again, if people are that demanding, I see why people don't invite.

OOTBubby

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 4:52 pm

Sanguine wrote:

I just recently slept for several days each in 2 empty, borrowed apartments in Eretz Yisroel. In each case, we were told which bedroom to use (which we did use) and in each case the door to the master bedroom was closed (no idea if it was locked as I wouldn't think of trying to open it).

In no case did we open or snoop into any closed place, nor would we think of doing so. We even took our garbage with us when we left.

Raisin

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 4:58 pm

I'm not embarrassed of my bedroom but I really don't want strangers going through my stuff and sleeping in MY bed. (and possibly doing other things)

But mainly the first reason.

amother

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 5:02 pm

Amother here Who first recommended to lock master bedroom. I personally have been put up in other pple's master bedrooms, and was uncomfy seeing how they set up, but honestly was curious-everyone sets up differently! Wink

To reply to all posters who say they wouldn't snoop so why send message of locked door: OTHER PPLE ARE INTERESTED in looking, and will snoop, so it's up to you if you care😳

amother

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 5:19 pm

When I was younger - much younger - we used to go to my family for Pesach and Succos and we would sleep in empty houses where people had gone away for yontif. I'm so ashamed to admit that yes, I did snoop. A lot. I'm not organized and I always was interested in how other people organized their homes. I kept thinking that if I could copy what they were doing, then my life would suddenly run so smoothly. Ha.

I would never snoop now, but in the old days I sure did. So yeah, just assume that people are going to look into every cabinet and drawer you own. embarrassed