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Did you ever have a guy break off an engagement with you?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 12:03 am
1.What happened?
2. Why did he break it off?
3. How long after did you meet your husband?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 1:11 am
Yes the guy was an idiot. Long story short he was basically going out with me to get this girl jealous . They knew each other as teens. I knw this girl and she calls me to wish me Mazal tov and says she knew he was gonna propose that night cuz their parents are friends.. I had no idea these 2 knew each other . Once he took me for a walk and we kept going up and down the same block, that girls block, just to show off to her.. Anyways he breaks it off a couple a days later I dnt remember what he said really, something like it won't work out..
A month or so later those 2 announce their engagement ! As a side note she her self was engaged to someone else and was bad mouthing my ex fiancé .. So I guess they are meant for each other.
It was very hurtful to me and I had a hard time after that . But bh I met my dh a little less then a year later..! Smile
I should've let my brothers beat the cr*p out of him when they offered lol.. I was to nice..
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 5:28 am
What a crazy story this guy obviously didn't deserve you. I feel bad for his wife. Anyone else on here had a broken engagement where the guy broke it off with you?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:15 am
I didn't but my dh had girl break it off because he wasn't frum enough. He met me two years later. Four years later she is still single.
I don't think she is wrong for ending it if she didn't feel he is the one. I don't think she mistreated him per se (from what I hear) but she is such an idiot because he is the most perfect husband one can ask for. I'm eternally grateful to her for dumping him Smile
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:25 am
amother wrote:
Yes the guy was an idiot. Long story short he was basically going out with me to get this girl jealous . They knew each other as teens. I knw this girl and she calls me to wish me Mazal tov and says she knew he was gonna propose that night cuz their parents are friends.. I had no idea these 2 knew each other . Once he took me for a walk and we kept going up and down the same block, that girls block, just to show off to her.. Anyways he breaks it off a couple a days later I dnt remember what he said really, something like it won't work out..
A month or so later those 2 announce their engagement ! As a side note she her self was engaged to someone else and was bad mouthing my ex fiancé .. So I guess they are meant for each other.
It was very hurtful to me and I had a hard time after that . But bh I met my dh a little less then a year later..! Smile
I should've let my brothers beat the cr*p out of him when they offered lol.. I was to nice..


Wow, what a jerk! It sounds like they were a perfect shidduch, I'm so curious if they're still married to each other.
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ettilou




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:30 am
I did. But thank God. Yes it was humiliating but as the facts starting coming out, I realized, I dodged a bullet. But his side was very wealthy and more influential and really attempted to destroy my reputation. I went to the Bais Din finally to get him and his family to stop. I actually met my husband about 5 or 6 months later. If it's happening to you, I'm sooo sorry. It is painful. Shutdowns yourself with true friends. And just know you will meet someone better soon.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:49 am
glutenless wrote:
Wow, what a jerk! It sounds like they were a perfect shidduch, I'm so curious if they're still married to each other.

Yeah they are .. They wanted each other all along and didn't care who they hurt to get what they want...
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:44 pm
You can go to the bais din for that?
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 11:06 am
Yes, indeed! Shortly after our engagement, he met his soulmate, Michael. I believe they're still together.

While I was suitably heartbroken at the time, I met my DH literally a few weeks later. However, whatever emotional upheaval I experienced was dwarfed by his mother's pain.

She was a wonderful woman, and we really adored each other. My ex-fiance was an only child, and she desperately wanted grandchildren. I don't think she cared as much that he was gay as she cared about not having grandchildren!

Interestingly, the fallout literally continued for almost two decades. She lived in our community, and after I had my kids, I really worked hard to avoid running into her when I had my brood with me. I knew it would just be too painful for her.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 11:22 am
fox - how does a gay guy stay married for so long?
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 11:27 am
He proposed to me, but it wasn't official yet, and then he broke it off a few weeks later. He never told me why, but I know why. His mother made him.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 11:37 am
sourstix wrote:
fox - how does a gay guy stay married for so long?


I presume the same way straight people do . . . You manage to avoid killing each other each day, and pretty soon you've been together 30 years.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 11:52 am
sourstix wrote:
fox - how does a gay guy stay married for so long?


It's very common and has been for years. In the 40s and 50s plenty of gay individuals were married with families because there was no concept of "out of the closet." It happens today in the frum world as well and I'm not sure why you finding it shocking. I was also married to a gay guy.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 11:54 am
amother wrote:
It's very common and has been for years. In the 40s and 50s plenty of gay individuals were married with families because there was no concept of "out of the closet." It happens today in the frum world as well and I'm not sure why you finding it shocking. I was also married to a gay guy.


this gay guy is married to his gay partner. I think you misunderstood something.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 11:56 am
amother wrote:
It's very common and has been for years. In the 40s and 50s plenty of gay individuals were married with families because there was no concept of "out of the closet." It happens today in the frum world as well and I'm not sure why you finding it shocking. I was also married to a gay guy.


Wait -- my ex-fiance was never married to a woman. He and Michael have been together all these years.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 11:58 am
[quote="amother"]It's very common and has been for years. In the 40s and 50s plenty of gay individuals were married with families because there was no concept of "out of the closet." It happens today in the frum world as well and I'm not sure why you finding it shocking. I was also married to a gay guy.[/quote]

so bec you have experience, you should understand the pain involved. I am just asking cause to me it must just be so so painful. bh I am not experienced in this. just asking. from what I have been seeing how pp react to such a thing I would assume its quite difficult, I am guessing the guys that are gay aren thinking that they will change it with time and effort. thats quite diff and probably impossible. it makes the spouses life misery. thats what I do know. I guess cause you went through it it isnt something you think too much about.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 12:03 pm
There was also a funny story about all this drama: my never-was-MIL was niftar during the run of "Will & Grace," and when I discreetly attended the levaya, the Rebbetzin, with whom I'm friendly, asked me how I'd known the niftaress.

I was suitably vague, saying I'd known her son when we were younger.

She apparently understood the situation without further explanation, because she shook her head sadly and said, "Oy! Mrs. Truman will never see nachas from Mrs. Adler's einechlach."
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fmt4




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 12:15 pm
sourstix wrote:
fox - how does a gay guy stay married for so long?


You do realize that "Michael" is a man?
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studying_torah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 12:19 pm
U must have been very relieved, fox, that he broke it off w you!
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 12:23 pm
Sorry to have hijacked the thread with my crazy story, OP.

In short, I met DH a few weeks after the end of my engagement and we subsequently got married. Ex-fiance and Michael lived more-or-less happily ever after. Never-was-MIL did not live so happily ever after.

I think ex-fiance *was* attracted to women -- he wasn't part of the theoretical 10 percent that feels no attraction whatsoever to the opposite gender. I just think he recognized he was happier in a relationship with a man, and obviously, he and Michael built a solid life together.

No regrets, and a lot of gratitude and respect for ex-fiance, who figured all this out before going through with a wedding, kids, etc.
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