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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
My 5 y o is driving us nuts



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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 5:20 pm
Our youngest is 5, going on 6 in a couple of months. She used to be so sweet and cooperative. 6 months ago a switch flipped and literally every 10-15 minutes of her awake life she is crying or screaming because she is frustrated about something or can't manage to do something for herself. She is in kindergarten and her days are long. Her attitude started it seems shortly after she started having to go to "after care" because of our work schedule. She doesn't nap anymore but I think she misses her pre-school "rest period". She didn't have school in the summer time but she wasn't a whole lot different then compared to now as far as attitude.

I know it is an adjustment but this phase she is in seems to be just going and going. We try to make sure she gets to bed at a 730 or 8 pm. We try to spend quality time with her after school.

I'm trying to decipher whether this is just a stage based on circumstances or did we create a spoiled child and we are dealing with the consequences now?
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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 6:50 pm
Did she have strep recently? Some people may say its pandas.

Otherwise, are there other big changes at school or home that may be affecting her? Can she rest during after care?
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Bruria




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 7:12 pm
She seems stressed out, so maybe you should talk to the teachers to see if she is acting this way in school also, or if it's just at home. Maybe they are wanting too much from her , maybe the girls in her class are not being nice to her and the teachers are not noticing, so many things could be provoking this!

Also, make sure you talk to your DD and ask her how was school and how is the after program, make sure she tells you what goes on and maybe you will find out the reason for her personality change.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 10:59 pm
Op here. She seems to love school. 90% of the time she says she has had a great day. She plays school at home. She talks about what they are learning. She rehearses it. She has occasionally had a tif about her best friend not being nice to her or competing with another girl for her friends attention. But it doesnt seem excessive. Her attitude change while she was in school last year.

Somehow her default response to anything vaguely challenging is a " mini break down".

When she is not upset she is really a loving sweet girl. I just see so much less of that side of her.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 30 2014, 11:14 pm
It sounds like she's spending too much time in school/after care and she just can't handle it. That's normal, many children (and adults) can't go so many hours without a chance to decompress. Can you think of any creative options that would allow her to be watched at home after school instead of after care?
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 31 2014, 4:58 am
Two things come to my mind. One, she needs to go to bed earlier. Let her go to bed early and wake up early and maybe she'll be more pleasant for those few hours before school. That means you'll have to get up early with her, but you're building a relationship with your child, so it's worth it.

And two, it could be that something is wrong at the afternoon care place. Put your detective hat on and find out what's happening. Maybe it's very chaotic or stressful or worse. Check it out.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 10 2014, 11:22 pm
I didn't realize that I started two threads here.

Well, we've spoken to our DD's teachers. I am so disappointed to find out that our DD regularly has melt downs in class when she doesn't get her way. She is the baby in the family and I think she is used to being the baby and getting the attention. She is not adapting well to having the longer days being in aftercare and she has less one on one time with us. She is low average to average in her schoolwork which really shocks me because she is not one to avoid books, writing or playing school and all through her pre-school years her teachers were gushing that she was so outgoing, friendly and smart.

I feel like I've dropped the ball. Like I should have seen this coming and realized she needs more.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 10 2014, 11:25 pm
"She doesn't nap anymore but I think she misses her pre-school "rest period". "

Tired people scream. It's a law of nature. I do it too.

And, yes, check for strep.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 10 2014, 11:29 pm
Can you work out a different arrangement so that she's home more?
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amother


 

Post Sun, Feb 01 2015, 2:28 pm
Well, for awhile after talking with our DD's teacher and giving some extra attention to DD it seems her behavior had improved. However the last 2 weeks were just disastrous. She has been placed on a "behavior plan" and we will begin to get daily notes home whether she did well or not. My Dh who sees the main teacher (secular) every day has been checking in with her every day so this is how we know out about the last 2 weeks not going well. She has had more bad days then good.

But, a different teacher (religious teacher) called us today and I find out my DD along with another very poorly behaved boy in her class have been picking on a girl in their class and calling her "tubby". I'm mortified and livid at the same time. Mortified my DD would do this and livid that I am just now finding out about this on a Sunday afternoon. Apparently it has been happening enough that this poor little girl doesn't want to come to school anymore. So it hasn't happend just once.

My DD has to rise to the occasion but her accomplice has been out of control all year long and very disruptive and no special arrangement have been made for him. He has learning issues and impulse issues.

We are having a meeting this week if I have to move mountains to do it to make sure there is a plan in place to rectify the problem immediately.

I am just at a loss. Does she need a different school or shorter day or both? I'm very disappointed.
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Bruria




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 01 2015, 10:13 pm
You are the mother. You know your child best, so if your opinion is that the school is making her behavior worse, maybe it is time to find a better fit for her. Sometimes that's all a child needs. Seems to me that by what you wrote all this started at this school, could be she didn't adapt well to the situation or just that it's really not a good fit.
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Nomad




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 01 2015, 10:51 pm
I don't know if this would make a different for your DD, but for our kids we got an after school babysitter instead of using aftercare. Our kids are the type who need decompress time in the evening and even though it's not with us, they get that at home with a sitter. The overall price was also comparable. (((Hugs)))
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 01 2015, 11:34 pm
Please do SOMETHING whatever it is. She really needs to stop bullying that girl. She really needs to get away from the boy who is instigating her to do that. Really.

Maybe you can cut back on your work. She won't be five all that long although it feels like a huge thing.

Imagine she were making YOU work at the next desk from a strange guy who insisted you join in calling another lady Tubby and kind of knew how to enforce his ideas. All day every day.
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canadamom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 01 2015, 11:38 pm
how do you react when she is having a meltdown?
maybe she is craving the attention, albeit negative attention?
This might also be a communication issue
when she starts screaming, or kvetching, in a calm voice, say I don't understand you when you use that "up and down voice" if you have something to say, please say it nicely.
don't give in to her yelling
if she does have a complaint, and then talks in a calm voice, first validate her feelings, it's important for a child to feel that their mother understands them.
I have a kvetchy child, I really had to work on myself not to get irritated and scream when he kvetches. I use the up and down voice example and it works.
good luck
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