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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
Ruchel
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Sun, Apr 20 2014, 2:27 pm
Yes, personal minhagim can be kept (how you daven), some hold women mitzvos like haircovering, candle lightning, toiveling, go through mother... but whatever is "public", and esp about chinuch, is the father's as the children def. go with his way...
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amother
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Sun, Apr 20 2014, 2:34 pm
imaima wrote: | The problem is that OP's dh has no mesorah, and she does. |
Ooh err. This is the point. I appreciate hearing that I'm not alone in missing my father' seder. But the bigger problem is that I feel a lack of that sense of connectedness. I always felt that pesach was a time to feel the chain of generations, pass along the experience of traditions, feel like part of something bigger than yourself, that kind of thing. More so than any other yomtov. All the other days of the year I can support dh's desire to carve his own trail,his independent thinking approach to Judaism in general (he doesn't make stuff up,he follows rabbonim just not necessarily the same ones as family and friends. I can deal with that.) but pesach without that sense of groundedness in mesorah feels so so so wrong to me. I can hear my heart cracking into pieces as we go through the Seder so technically.
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amother
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Sun, Apr 20 2014, 2:35 pm
That last post was supposed to begin "op here." Dyac.
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greenfire
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Sun, Apr 20 2014, 3:16 pm
the way I see it ... if you sing those melodies - you will be incorporating your childhood traditions with your family
there is no one way that it should be ... in my family we all lead - the parts we like from very diverse hagadas - makes life of the seder way more interesting & keeps everyone involved
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Dolly Welsh
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Sun, Apr 20 2014, 3:23 pm
OP, you use the word "connectedness".
I think it is an important word in this context.
Greenfire is right. Even if your husband is to lead, there are styles of leading.
If you are annoying your husband with little stuff maybe look into that. You don't want to lose his interest by over-tightening the screws.
I can see why you are together. You are both very interested in the inner workings.
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r_ch
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Tue, Apr 22 2014, 9:42 pm
Ruchel wrote: | It’s only natural to miss your minhagim. Bear in mind it’s a tremendous mitzvah to take your dh’s and be “like you were raised in his home” (the Meiri). Try to invest in them and over time you’ll get attached. The beauty of songs is that you can do them twice: one his one your. We do this. Kids will grow up with both
Now, yes the items on the plate are not the same, nor is the food exactly the same. No chrain by Yekke dh LOL. I wonder if you could get a psak to have the missing items on the plate, etc.
Now not wanting to sing or not child friendly, is something you will need to make him understand how you think it's needed... |
Ruchel, first of all mazel tov on your new princess! Second of all, not all yekkes don't have chrein at the seider;) Many of your pronouncements about yekkes make me stare. It seems your dh's home traditions are just his home traditions. Just had to say, sorry.
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amother
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Wed, Apr 23 2014, 1:35 am
Rabi akiva was a child of a convert, too, yet he was up all night in bnei brak, reciting the story of yetzias mitzrayim....
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Ruchel
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Wed, Apr 23 2014, 6:12 am
r_ch wrote: | Ruchel, first of all mazel tov on your new princess! Second of all, not all yekkes don't have chrein at the seider;) Many of your pronouncements about yekkes make me stare. It seems your dh's home traditions are just his home traditions. Just had to say, sorry. |
Never said that ALL Yekke do the same. Of course they don't, there are whole seforim on this.
Now, sorry but his home traditions are very, very Yekke, yes. Almost a stereotype lol.
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