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Desperate for sleep training advice - 7 month old



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chatouli




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 10 2012, 1:37 pm
My DS is a very sensitive child - he is lactose intolerant (hopefully just for now), reacts to shots, loves to be held and snuggle, etc. I adore him, he is the sweetest baby, but his nighttime habits are making me INSANE.

He wakes up every two hours and won't go back to sleep without nursing. The weird thing is, he does not need to nurse to fall asleep. I put him down and he's totally awake! I give him his paci and he goes back to sleep very happily (usually). However, if I just try to replace the paci when he wakes up, he becomes infuriated and will scream at full volume until I pick him up and feed him. Then, back to sleep! Rocking, singing, rubbing his back, nothing else works.

The time has come. I have to do something about this. I can't function like this anymore. Please don't tell me, "My kids all woke up that often until they were 9 months/1/18 months and I just learned to manage." I read that a lot here, and kol hakavod to those mommies who can learn to function long-term like this. I can't. I HAVE to do something.

And that something will not be co-sleeping b/c he wakes up every HOUR to nurse when he is in my bed.

What do I do? I am hesitant to do any type of controlled crying or extinction-type sleep training for two reasons: 1. he is so sensitive (and stubborn) and will cry the whole night, and 2. he sleeps in my room in a 2-bedroom apartment and I can't have the rest of my household up all night while this is happening. My DH is also exhausted and just now snapped at me that I need to "just feed him or do whatever he wants so he is quiet in the night because I can't function like this anymore!!" Exploding anger

FYI he is on a pretty good schedule during the day. Two naps, between 1.5 - 2 hours each, in bed between 6:30-7:30 (depending on when his nap ended), has a consistent routine at bedtime, etc. But then starting anywhere between 9:30 and 11, he is up for round one....

Please help us!!!!
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GetReal




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 10 2012, 2:55 pm
We taught our oldest to stop nursing at night at around this age.
We moved him into the living room - we were in a one bedroom.
DH did it because he associated me with nursing.
One feeding at a time. DH went to him, gave him water, and stayed with him until he fell asleep. He cried a little but we knew he wasn't alone. After two days he stopped waking up at 11 and we did the 2 am feeding next, etc.
Good luck!

PS - my second nursed all night until I weaned him cold turkey at 11 months - BAD idea!
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sunny90




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 10 2012, 3:20 pm
I tried so many things with my elder DS at this age--pick up/put down, staying with him while he cried, giving him the paci back over and over (my DH doing it wasn't an option because he had to wake up very early in the morning).
He was also waking up every two hours and I couldn't take it anymore, and in the end I did controlled crying. It worked, he slept better, I was a new person, and now he sleeps AMAZINGLY (at almost 3 yo).
I don't know what to tell you, except I've been there and had to do it out of desperation and he does not seem at all emotionally scarred! In fact he goes to sleep quite happily and sings "good night!" to me and his baby brother every night.
Wishing you luck and the strength to get through whatever you decide to do.
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chatouli




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 10 2012, 4:04 pm
sunny90 wrote:
I tried so many things with my elder DS at this age--pick up/put down, staying with him while he cried, giving him the paci back over and over (my DH doing it wasn't an option because he had to wake up very early in the morning).
He was also waking up every two hours and I couldn't take it anymore, and in the end I did controlled crying. It worked, he slept better, I was a new person, and now he sleeps AMAZINGLY (at almost 3 yo).
I don't know what to tell you, except I've been there and had to do it out of desperation and he does not seem at all emotionally scarred! In fact he goes to sleep quite happily and sings "good night!" to me and his baby brother every night.
Wishing you luck and the strength to get through whatever you decide to do.


Can I ask a couple questions?

My DH is also not going to help b/c he wakes up for work and has a very demanding work schedule. He also just informed me that he will be sleeping in our older son's room with earplugs tonight. Sigh. When you did controlled crying, were you nursing? Do you think that made it worse?

I read Dr. Ferber's book and he said, when dropping night feedings, you can do it slowly because the baby gets to be actually hungry at those feeding times. Did you just go cold turkey with him and he stopped waking or did you try to space the feedings first?

How many nights did it take, if you remember?

Should I sleep on the couch? DS' bed is right next to mine.

What happens when the baby is teething or sick or otherwise upset and needs comfort? Did you have to redo the controlled crying after each episode?

I really don't like the idea of this, but I am so desperate for sleep. Thank you.
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chatouli




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 10 2012, 4:05 pm
GetReal wrote:
We taught our oldest to stop nursing at night at around this age.
We moved him into the living room - we were in a one bedroom.
DH did it because he associated me with nursing.
One feeding at a time. DH went to him, gave him water, and stayed with him until he fell asleep. He cried a little but we knew he wasn't alone. After two days he stopped waking up at 11 and we did the 2 am feeding next, etc.
Good luck!

PS - my second nursed all night until I weaned him cold turkey at 11 months - BAD idea!


Actually GetReal this was our first experiment and it totally failed. He got SO MAD when DH came in and would not go back to sleep. He screamed for an hour, and I ended up going in to feed him because I couldn't bear to hear it anymore. Sad
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 10 2012, 4:13 pm
Formula bottle instead of nursing? I know women who nursed only three months and their kids are well paid professionals now, married, with their own children. Might be easier.

Ask the pediatrician. Could he be teething? Somebody I know used Paregoric for that, worked great. Yes. It's an opiate. The kid is married now and fine.

Could he be getting caffeine in the nursing milk? It's in coffee, tea, soda, chocolate, cold medicines.

The NUK brand pacifyer might help; it is shaped better for the mouth.

Maybe swaddle him tighter? Some like that. Some don't.

Hugs.
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chatouli




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 10 2012, 4:18 pm
Dolly Welsh wrote:
Formula bottle instead of nursing? I know women who nursed only three months and their kids are well paid professionals now, married, with their own children. Might be easier.

Ask the pediatrician. Could he be teething? Somebody I know used Paregoric for that, worked great. Yes. It's an opiate. The kid is married now and fine.

Could he be getting caffeine in the nursing milk? It's in coffee, tea, soda, chocolate, cold medicines.

Hugs.


I'm not going to quit nursing anytime soon. It's not teething because when I thought he was teething I gave him some ibuprofen and it did nothing at all for his sleep. I will not be messing with opiates.

I don't drink very much caffeine - 1 cup of coffee a day, and in the early morning - so I don't think that's it either. If I had chocolate in the house I'd eat it, though Smile no soda or cough medicine here... but thanks for the ideas anyway!
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busydev




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 10 2012, 4:43 pm
I have been working on my DS as well.

I read alot of different books and ideas and was going to cut out the weaning using the sleep easy solution method. basically for a few days clock each night feed. Then you cut each feed 1 min every night.

lmashel- if your baby wakes at 10:30, 2:00 and 5:00 (as mine was) and usually feeds for 10 minutes then you feed for 9 minutes one the first night, eight minutes the second night, 7 minutes, 6 min etc etc...

This way they slowly get less milk at night and take more at the day and the hope is that they dont even need it anymore at the end of 10 days.

I was going to do it with just 1 feed and move the other ones a bit (the LC at Ds's dr suggested only dropping one feed at a time) to get an 11:00 and a 3:00 night feed. (11 being right before I go to bed)

But then Ds got sick adn couldnt breathe well with his cold and started waking every 1.5-2 hours. it was insane. after a few nights I said no more and just went to the 11:00 and 3:00 feeds. (We are still working on it (cause then he got sick again) but after just 2-3 nights of only feeding him at 11 and 3 he didnt wake up at all before 11 and at 11 I lifted a sleeping child and fed him. & then he slept till 2:45.)

What I did was when he started crying before I went to bed (he was doing 9:30, 10:30,11:30 wake ups) I would first try to just give him a paci and sing softly to him. if it didnt help I would rub his back or stomach, still no go I would pick him up and rock him till he was sleeping. if dh was available he did it so ds wouldnt smell me. once we got to nights we would try the above for a few minutes. after 5 minutes if it didnt help we brought him to bed and snuggled him back to sleep. also I would often havve dh do it- esp as more time passed and ds wanted food. he began banging on me and pulling at my hair so I would pass him over to dh where he went back to sleep.

After 2 nights he didnt wake till 2:35 ish. (I still fed him at 11) then he got a fever the past few nights and wakes up more- tho I am not feeding him till 11, 3 or 7. once he gets better we will be working on keeping him in his crib when he does wake and on putting him back into his crib after he eats (that was me falling asleep)

and after succos we will start working on the 3am feedings. (dont want to do before cause his schedule will prob get messed with over travelling for yom tov etc)

I had come up with a plan pulling pieces from many diff places to something that I felt would work with ds and for me. I wont do cio and need sleep since I work 9-5. you may want to read the no cry solution and see if there is any tips or ideas that would work for you.

sorry for the long post. hope you find something that helps you here...
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chatouli




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 10 2012, 6:41 pm
Thank you busydev.

I thought the No Cry Sleep Solution's theory was, if you take the baby away from the breast while nursing prior to the baby falling asleep, it will no longer be a sleep crutch. That is not our problem. He does not fall asleep nursing, he just won't go back to sleep without nursing. Is it worth getting the book even so? Is there more in there? (I assume it's not a 1-page book and has other suggestions, but that is the one I always hear about.)

I tried to limit him to nursing on only one side when he wakes up, but it didn't make a difference.

We used to do a dream feed but I believed it was counterproductive because he started waking up for it. I moved it forward until it got to about 9:30 and then he slept - but it lasted literally 3 days and then we were back to this!!
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imaamy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 10 2012, 10:49 pm
Ours is almost two and gets up every night at various times. I'm beyond crazy so I know what you mean about functioning. We tried Ferber, Whisperer, Batya the Baby Coach but she had her baby shortly after I contacted her and didn't get back to me after, my husband going in, ignoring DS totally (cried for hours), and are now using a homeopathic liquid from the health food store that helps somewhat but smells AWFUL. The doc actually suggested a few days of benadryl just to break the cycle but night waking is so ingrained now I am doubtful anything will work. If you find something that works for you, please do post Smile
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