When would you let kids play while you sleep?

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3555

I was sick recently, and absolutely exhausted. There were several times where I would be lying on the couch watching the kids play, and the next thing I knew, I woke up. B"H, the kids were fine each time, but I felt so guilty. It spanned from a two-minute nap to a twenty-five minute one (couldn't believe the kids let me get away with that one -- I was so confused when I woke up!).

I've also had issues with one child who was waking up at 5 am ready to play. I was so exhausted after just a few days of this, and in talking to people about it, several of them suggested I just set out some toys for him and then go back to sleep, and teach him to play nicely while Mommy is sleeping. Besides the fact that I doubt that would work on a regular basis -- he's little! He could be climbing on the tables and jumping off, climbing on my kitchen counters, or worse! I live in a small apartment, so everything is close together, and no matter how well I babyproof there are always things around that are dangerous. While I have no problem letting them play while I'm in the next room, I can hear anything going on, and I check on them every few minutes to make sure they're not into anything dangerous. That would obviously not be true if I were sleeping...

So what do you think? Just curious -- at what age did you let your kids play alone (or with younger siblings), while you were sleeping? At first thought, I would assume it's the same as babysitting, but then again...I would probably let a seven year old play by him/herself in the morning for a little while without supervision. I think. But I woudln't let a seven year old stay home alone.

Hmm.

I let my five yr old and four yr old play while I nap. they're very creative, but they're also pretty responsible. sometimes they play in the living room while I nap on the couch on friday night. when I need a nap like that, they have a choice to go to shul with my dh or stay home and play nicely while I nap. they generally cooperate if they choose to stay home.

it all depends on the kid. if you're worried about your son climbing on things, why not have him play in his room? I imagine that's safer than giving him the run of the apt. or you can set up a corner in your room with some toys. if he gets too rambunctious you'll know immediately.

I never had any problem with my dd waking up earlier and deciding to play in her room or the living room and taking some of the food and drink left for her. On contrary I encouraged it.
At 3 already she could, bh. Now she is 5 and refuses to wake me up in the morning unless she can't avoid it, bh.

I don't hear what was going on, and when I'm awake I do not check anyway.

I don't really know people who don't allow that, most love/dream of it Laughing

It has no link to baby sitting or staying home alone. You're right there.
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Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7635

I would say when they have a good sense of safety awareness. I have the same issue as you- sometimes I conk out unintentionally when the baby is napping. Ds is under 3 and I don't trust him at all- he is way too curious and impulsive to be without supervision. Even if he knows about safety, he definitely doesn't always act on it- he just can't suppress his urges.

Gold Member Joined: Apr 27 2010 Posts: 1974

Really depends on your kids. If they're very curious and inquisitive and active, it will probably be later! (Speaking from experience Wink

)

My dd was bh very curious and active, but also the type who internalized about danger. Like, if I gave her a knife at the table, she told me it's dangerous for little kids and asked me to take it away.

Silver Member Joined: Jun 12 2011 Posts: 705

It definitely depends on the kids. And I don't think it is at all the same as leaving them alone. I would never leave my almost 6 year old home alone -- but I have no problem with him playing when he wakes up in the morning while I sleep. If he needs anything, it would take him a few seconds to wake me up -- very different then being home alone. I would not trust my 3 year old alone, though. I'd be nervous about him climbing on something or hurting himself. But I would let my 7 year old watch him while I sleep, even though I wouldn't leave my 7 year old to babysit, obviously. It's the same logic -- I can trust my 7 year old to make sure he is not getting into anything dangerous, and it is easy for him to call me if necessary.

Silver Member Joined: Jul 15 2011 Posts: 993

I let my oldest (age 4) play in the morning before Im up. But I am usually awake trying to pretend Im still sleeping, to avoid getting up SO early Laughing

Also I have told my oldest that if they are ever hungry in the morning they can help themselves to something in the fruit bowl.

I think it definately depends on the maturity of the child, but if I NEEDED to sleep and I was concerned about my child playing unsupervised, I would set up some toys in the living room- bring down a duvet-and sleep on the couch. That way your right there if you are needed. And obviously baby proof as much as possible (as you said you do already).
Each night I actually go through the kitchen and table tops to make sure no knives are left out and no crayons or felt tips!

As far as playing with younger siblings, I think this takes a bit longer depending on the siblings-their relationship and how they deal with frustration. Whether its alone or with siblings they need to have clear boundries and know what they are and are not allowed to get up to. If you know their nature, you have to work with it to some extent-otherwise its asking too much of them.

Gold Member Joined: Jul 26 2009 Posts: 1487

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3555

Wow, I honestly wasn't expecting these responses. My oldest is 4, and he's actually pretty danger-safe, as four year olds go. He and my 2 year old will give me back knives if they accidentally get one (at someone else's house, for example). But that doesn't mean that they know how to play safely.

I'm talking about sleeping on a couch in the same room. But when I'm tired enough to fall asleep on a couch with the light on and kids playing around me, I'm tired enough that I don't trust myself to wake up if something happens, unless it involves screaming or loud banging.

His room is no safer than anywhere else in the house, since most of our storage space is in his room. (Again, we live in a very small apartment.)

For those of you who let your young kids (five and under, let's say) play virtually unsupervised, especially if you're not in the same room as them -- don't you ever get scared that they're going to become that statistic? The kid who climbs out the window or drowns in the toilet or falls off the table with a concussion and nobody finds him/her for an hour?

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3555

All our windows have blocking devices. At worst she could throw out a small toy, maybe.

Now, the thing is: a child could get up at night and drown c'v in the toilets, or play with the window, too. You absolutely cannot be sure he won't wake up.

I don't hear screaming or banging unless I suppose it's ear deafening, when in the living room.

My dd also stays with the baby, alone in the same room (at night before we moved, in the kids room, and now in the living room.). She knows, and has understood and accepted she is not to carry him (it was hard, she really envies her friends who can change the diapers Laughing

may it last). She can hand him something, play with him, comfort him etc and she does, but if he wants something else she needs to get me, which she does. Works for us.

edit: If it seems wrong to you don't do it. But then you need to lock your children in their room at night, to be consistent. Even my mega anxious spoiling our-only-is-our-life parents didn't quite go as far.

Gold Member Joined: Nov 22 2006 Posts: 1733

my 4 yr old twins play while dh and I nap on shabbos. if they dont wake us for at least an hr they get an extra special shabbos party. they are excellent w playing quietly and not getting into trouble while we sleep... they make much more trouble when we're up
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Silver Member Joined: Jul 15 2011 Posts: 993

I dont think I could ever fall into such a deep sleep given such circumstances. I always have an ear out for my child.
If I was seriously tired and felt I needed a PROPER sleep I would get someone to watch my child.

If you are totally exhusted and need a REAL sleep, I agree with you...you shouldn't let very young children play alone.

As a side point, we also have locks on our windows and a child saftey chain on the door. Although my 4 year old is just starting to work out how to use them Sad

One child fell from a window around here. It was after bedtime, he was supposedly sleeping, the parents were in the living room.
It's horrible, but there is no way to be always behind our kids. Unless you lock the kids in your bedroom at night, and never let them go to the toilets alone, and take them in the toilets when you go.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3555

So does that mean you'd take a shower when your kids are up? Or leave the kids alone in the house for, say, five minutes while you ran next door to ask them something? (You'd lock the door on your way out.) Why supervise your kids at all?

Maybe my kids are more accident-prone than other kids. But don't you ever say "no" to your kids for safety-related reasons? Are those "no"s important even when you aren't there? If not, why?

My kids know that I tell them not to lean back in their chairs at the table because our kichen floor is hard and I don't want them to fall. Doesn't mean they always remember. My kids know I don't want them to climb on the back of the couch, and that they shouldn't play wildly when there's toys all over the floor. And besides danger, they know not to play near my computer -- doesn't mean they always listen. They know not to turn on the hot water in the sink and not to put anything in their mouth that isn't food -- like shampoo or whatever. Doesn't mean that they're always going to listen, especially if Mommy's not around.

So does that essentially mean that you can just send your kids down to the basement for a couple of hours while you get everything done upstairs, wthout ever checking on them, say on erev Shabbos? Wow, the freedom that would give me! (I don't have a basement, but in theory.)

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7635

AG, I think there will be a range both in terms of parenting styles and in terms of children sticking to rules or whatever. It's similar to babyproofing- some people put a gate at the steps and child locks in outlets and call it babyproofing. For other people, it means locking all the chairs in a room so kids don't shove them everywhere to climb and get into mischief. Etc.

It depends on your level of concern and that particular child's inquisitiveness/impulsivity.

You have to decide for your house. Know your kids and decide.
It seems your opinion is pretty done so that's good, do as you think but don't expect the other moms to feel bad of doing what they think.

I'm bh not tired these days and don't nap, but still wouldn't envision having to sit in the same room as dd when she plays, beshitta.

Now if your children eat soap and can't be trusted to follow basic behaviour rules even at a bigger age, yeah well, that's plenty different and they need lots supervision.
But again, be consistent. No toilets, no independent room, etc.

(people lock all chairs in one room? BH for Imamother, I discover things I have never heard of)

Gold Member Joined: Jan 20 2009 Posts: 1259

I think it depends on the child. Last shabbos, I also fell asleep on the couch while my children (5 and 7) where playing in the room and then I hear a crash - apparently the 7 year old thought it was a good idea to ram a toy shopping cart into the dining room table and broke the leg of the table and the table collapsed.

I will for sure not fall asleep while watching them again.