4 year old complaining about bunkmate

I am not sure of the right way to deal with this.
My 4 yr. old son is complaining that there is one child in his bunk who comes over and takes toys away and sometimes hits him with it. I have seen this child and he seems a bit out of control.
I asked my son what he does when this happens and he said he tells the counselors and they put him in time out,
but then he does it again.
Today and also a few days ago my son said he did not want to go to camp because of this.
He is happy in other areas in camp- likes the teacher and counselor (one woman and one girl) and enjoys activities.

Is this where I have to accept that its a tough world out there and not everyone will always be nice? (I tried speaking to my son about that- suggested that he focus on the rest of the kids who are nice. and showed him how to firmly tell this kid to "Go away from me please!!"

Or do I speak to the counselor and or director and see if they can do anything- I highly doubt it besides for asking him to leave camp.

Or do I let my son stay home? 1) he will be bored 2) Don't want him to learn that we run away from problems.

What do you think is the right way to deal with it?

Gold Member Joined: Mar 23 2007 Posts: 1877 Location: NY

Can you have the two boys do a playdate so they can learn how to play nicely toegther? (I've been through this before)...kind of like befriending the enemy.

It's a tough situation b/c at that age they can only do so much. They can't kick a kid out unless he's been truly disrespectful or physical.
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I'm not the popular Mama Bear. I'm "the other one."

You speak to the director/counselor. They may need to speak to the parent and work out a more effective plan to get this child in line.

I'm coming from the other side - my DD was hurting other children in her playgroup - at age 2 1/2, which is perhaps more age appropriate than at 4, but still....needed to be dealt with. Let me assure you that it feels horrible when your child is the one acting out and hurting others.....

I don't think kicking a child out of a group at such a young age is appropriate....if anything, to me that would signal the incompetence of the adults in charge, if they cannot get a 4 year old in line.

But time outs are not a one-size-fits-all solution, and obviously they aren't working here. Usually in such a case, there needs to be reinforcement from at home, and the parents and care-givers need to come up with a strategy together. What that involves depends on the child, etc...and doesn't so much involve you. But it has to be addressed, and it won't be unless you speak up.

So the message you want to give is that they need to address this issue so that your child is no longer hurt. How they do that is their business, but you probably want to mention that they should take this up with the child's parents.

I know that others will disagree, but I tell my kids that if someone hits them they should hit back. Especially in a situation where it has happened repeatedly and the teacher's solution is ineffective.

You need to talk to the counselor, but not in a confrontational way. This is what your child reports. Is it true. What steps are being taken to ensure that your child feels safe and secure at camp. What can you, or your child, do. What they do with the other child is not your business. How it impacts your child is.
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"I dig every second
I can laugh in the snow and rain
I get a buzz from being cold and wet
The pleasure seems to balance out the pain."
Pete Townshend

Hitting back is NOT being a bully. And doesn't turn you into a bully.
Hitting, period, is being a bully.

Better a child knows to fight back, says my dad the Shoa survivor.

Still, one should intervene when possible, too.
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"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me