Do your boys cry while learning with their father?

I'm mostly talking about pre-teen and early teen, but with my ds and dh, my ds cries. Between my father and my brothers, they cried, and between one of my bil and my nephew, they cry. Is it just us, or does or did it happen with your ds and dh? Laughing

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why?
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I think because fathers have a higher expectations on their children and put too much pressure on them while learning, but I'm really not sure.

and they might not have much patience to learn with a child Wink

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7586

My husband made a weird face and said he never heard of this.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 11 2010 Posts: 3063

What in the world??? They enjoy learning together.

Diamond Member Joined: Sep 18 2004 Posts: 2600

If I saw this going on I would stop the learning.

no sure who to say this nicely butif kids cry while learning with parents, there is some serious issues going on....

I used to learn w/ my dad on shabbos as a little girl (mayb I was 12?) and even though I don't get along so well now, it's still a great memory I have.

Active Poster Joined: May 07 2012 Posts: 79

I think it is odd for a son to continually cry while learning with his father. Does the dad have a temper? Does the child have an anxiety problem? Something is not right here.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 18 2010 Posts: 3017

My husband used to cry learning with his dad; they are currently estranged (granted, there were many issues, this was just a small-but-unsurprising part of the picture). More importantly, to this day, DH is not a terribly motivated learner. He does learn a bit, but not as much as he could, and he views it as an obligatory chore. He derives so little excitement from it that he does not like to make a siyum when he finishes a masechta.

Although learning is hard and not always fun, misery is not normal. Maybe dad needs to lighten things up a bit- both in terms of the level of the material and the level of seriousness.

I agree, something needs to change if that is the current norm.
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Senior Member Joined: Sep 27 2011 Posts: 174

Senior Member Joined: Aug 22 2009 Posts: 155

My son used to cry when he was a little boy when he learned with his father. Now as an adult and a father to three boys, he is very sucessful but does not like to learn nor does he have any relationship with his father. He is a wonderful father, who never learns with his sons. He always makes sure to come home early to play ball with each of them and goes to their every game or extra activities. You should look into this and ask the child why he is crying, there is probobly a very good reason. Your husband is doing something wrong because children love to please and emulate their parents when they are that age!!!!!

my brother cried at some point every time he learned with my father. because of what you said- high expectations and no patience. but actually, on some level he enjoyed the learning, and if not for my father helping him, my brother would have fallen way behind in school and been miserable. and yes they have a good relationship today.
but I still would be very unhappy if I saw my son crying while learning with my husband. it should be an all around enjoyable experience. learning is hard, so it can get frustrating at times on both ends, but try to get your husband to see that pushing a kid to the point where he's crying is not a good idea...

The laughing smiley is kind of disturbing. My brothers did not cry, nor did my cousins, and my sons and nephews don't cry when learning with their fathesr or anyone else.

Gold Member Joined: Aug 20 2007 Posts: 1308

I'm with the other posters who said that something is wrong. It could be too much pressure, or your son may just flat-out not enjoy it. Maybe reduce the amount of time that he spends learning with his father and have a conversation with your husband about reducing expectations.

Omg, no. My DH finds learning difficult because of high expectations as a child (and pinching, hitting, etc. if he was too nervous to answer correctly/quickly enough).

Boys should have a positive association with learning. They should definitely not be crying while learning, ever.

DH says that when we have boys, he's never going to test them. He's just going to learn with them. He's also going to let them teach him, meaning he'll be like "wow, what an interesting perspective on that possuk, I never realized that!" And that will make them feel like a million bucks.

I find a laughing smiley when paired with a description of crying children highly disturbing as well. It hints to emotional detachment.

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 12 2010 Posts: 5769

Could it be for the simple reason that they JUST DONT WANT TO LEARN?!?!

My brother used to cry each night when my mother would sit down with him to learn aleph bais. Not because she was tough on him or hurt him or had no patience but because he found it hard and he didn't have patience to do it but 12 years on, he can read and he for sure appreciates it!

Sometimes kids just need a little incentive to help them (perhaps an ice cream cone with their dad after learning or a weekly 'trip night' to the grocery alone if they learn every other night!)
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My oldest did which is when I decided since dh doesn't have the patience and attitude to imbue the love and bonding over learning we would pay someone else to learn with all boys and leave dh for the once in a blue moon when he is in the right frame of mind.