Wrong comment by my dentist?

Posted: Wed, Jun 27 2012, 6:59 pm Post subject: wrong comment by my dentist?

I said to my dentist that I feel conscious of front teeth sticking out. they are not that much potruding, it's not hugely noticeable but I just want them to be a little further back!
my dentist didn't really take what I said that seriously. he said not to worry about it, and that it's "part of your relations appeal"
he is a very competant dentist so I was really happy with him but his comment freaked me out?! do you think that was very inappropriate?

Posted: Wed, Jun 27 2012, 7:03 pm Post subject: re: wrong comment by my dentist?

that's soooooo funny!!!! oh my gosh yes I would have found that unbelievably awkward. and it was not appropriate at all
it's more awkward though...because obviously he likes you

Posted: Wed, Jun 27 2012, 7:33 pm Post subject: re: wrong comment by my dentist?

That wasn't a horrible thing to say, but yes it's not appropriate. Not at all professional . he probably wanted to make you feel better but he didn't know how to do it so he started joking/flirting with you. it was a compliment after all. it doesn't sound that he had inappropriate intentions or anything like that. I would look over it this time, but if it happens again I'd tell his boss.

if this is something you feel strongly though you should emphasise to him you are serious about it. it may be you have cross bite or something

Diamond Member Joined: Feb 21 2011 Posts: 2693

It was inappropriate but I'm sure he was just trying to make you feel better about your looks. The alternative is reset your jaw to move your teeth back which shouldn't be done unless truly necessary.

he was trying to allay your worries about how you look because he knows how you feel, you told him.

I�m sure some people would say it was very inappropriate but I think he was just trying to make you feel better about your looks because girls always think they have to be perfect to be pretty. He probably should have said �pretty�, but maybe relations-appeal seemed more clinical to him so that it didn�t seem like he was calling you �pretty�, which would have been wrong. unless he is a creepy pervert in any other way, I would let this go one time and assume that he meant it in a good way. He knows it's a minor issue that's why he told you not to worry. And you were probably being too critical of yourself.

Senior Member Joined: Jun 26 2009 Posts: 101

Unless you have a flirtatious relationship with your dentist and you normally talk that way,
that's a little weird for him to say to you. Not cool.

Posted: Wed, Jun 27 2012, 7:54 pm Post subject: re: wrong comment by my dentist?

When I was a teen a dentist told me I have gorgeous eyes. While I was lying back on the chair and he was sitting/leaning over me. Very awkward.

I was uncomfortable sitting in a dentist chair for years later. Even different dentists. Nowadays I totally block out the dentist by listening to my ipod the entire time.

Diamond Member Joined: Aug 07 2006 Posts: 2556

In the secular world (both Jewish and otherwise) it seems that terms such as "s*x-appeal" are not taken at face value, at least in my experience. It means something like "reasonably attractive."

He was probably just trying to help you feel better about your looks and not encourage you to go for unnecessary orthodonture.

Silver Member Joined: Jan 09 2011 Posts: 894

not appropriate at all. I would be very businesslike wikth him from now on..if a similar comment was made again-id switch dentists.

Executive Member Joined: Aug 08 2011 Posts: 315

Hmm... Just reading the OP, I did not see a/t wrong with it if he said the actual words "relations appeal" - I actually think that's sweet and polite; I'd be glad he wasn't trying to get money out of you and offering some purely cosmetic procedure.

If he said "relations appeal", that would be a bit weirder for me...

Posted: Thu, Jun 28 2012, 5:27 am Post subject: re: wrong comment by my dentist?

You newbies are so funny. Whenever you type in the words zex with an /s/ then imamother automatically changes it to 'relations'. So did the dentist say you have 'relations appeal'??? LOL...or zex appeal? Either way, you should've jumped out of the chair and gone screaming through the office yelling "zexual harassment" or "relations harassment"! Just kidding.

Posted: Thu, Jun 28 2012, 5:30 am Post subject: re: wrong comment by my dentist?

Oh, and I believe the reason we banned the word zex with an /s/ is to minimize the google hits to imamother.com, by weirdos or pre-teen boys who type in google the word 'zex'.

Executive Member Joined: Jul 19 2010 Posts: 400

I dont know. Such a comment would make me feel REALLY awkward, but it doesn't necessarily mean he was flirting with you. Nowadays zexy is often used instead of pretty, exciting, and even efficient! I remember when a coworker was showing me some new equipment for the office and he decribed the machine as 'super zexy". Shocked

Weird...

Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8963

Inappropriate and unprofessional but I wouldn't go shrieking "pervert" just yet, esp. if the dentist is not frum. Nonreligious people have a very different attitude as far as what is acceptable conversation in mixed company. Saying someone has secks appeal doesn't mean "I want to have a carnal relationship with this person"--it means the person is attractive in an clearly feminine or masculine way.

Yes, people, a copy machine can be secksy. In that context, it means "exciting and attention-getting." In the case of a copier, this would be because of its useful features and the things it can do. This may not be the most refined way of referring to a piece of office equipment, but it's a quick shorthand that most people can understand. See above: people who are not frum Jews have looser criteria for appropriate speech.

OP, if this is a one-time event, let it go. If your dentist continues to make inappropriate personal remarks, tell him immediately that you are uncomfortable with the manner of his speech and you want him to stop. If he stops, fine; if not, and if you feel that something is not quite right, then consider switching practitioners.
Going to the dentist is stressful as it is; no need to compound that stress.

Posted: Thu, Jun 28 2012, 1:52 pm Post subject: re: wrong comment by my dentist?

hahahaha!!! thats accutally funny. I think it all depends on the background of yourself and your dentist. I'm assuming he said "sez appeal" and that's not appropriate if you're chassid or very yisshish or whatever. (besides it'd just be creepy if a chassidish/rabbinic looking dentist said that)

But in the seculare world (not condoning it - just explaining) it would be considered a compliment.

if it makes you uncomfortable, then say something or find another dentist.

Posted: Thu, Jun 28 2012, 1:56 pm Post subject: re: wrong comment by my dentist?

Who knows... a dentist (what's with them??) once told me that one shouldn't bit one's lip because it makes her bigger/swollen it detracts from (don't remember the word, but same idea).

When I had dd the nurses said I was, huh, gifted on top and they would love a pic when I'll have the milk coming in because it will be even bigger. No, I didn't give...
_________________

"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

Silver Member Joined: Jan 09 2011 Posts: 894

I think if he would have said "nah thats part of your charm" it would be very different- s*x appeal is not charm or beauty- it is exactly what it sounds like which changes the imagery behind the words a little bit (hope im making sense to everyone)...I dont think he should have said those words because they denote something much more provocative than a word like "charm".

Posted: Thu, Jun 28 2012, 3:13 pm Post subject: re: wrong comment by my dentist?

it was unprofessional but he probably thought that it would make you feel better and feel really good about yourself! he also thought you were being stupid - as you say he's a competant dentist - obviously it's clear to him you don't need orthodontic work.
I mean, I think that many women, even though they might have been creeped out as it's coming from their dentist, would have been happy to hear that because like it means you look nice. most men think the only thing women think about is their s*x appeal. ia gree he couldn't have said you look really pretty or beautiful, because then it would be interpreted that he was making a pass at you and that's really inappropriate. however that's what he meant to say really. if he's professional generally it is probably a one off omment. I would just take it as a compliment - what he really meant was, you're fine the way you are.

Diamond Member Joined: Feb 21 2011 Posts: 2693

my dentist is really handsome, tall, blonde, blue eyes, kind of girly looking but still he's got a nice face. (he's Jewish as well)
and all the women (also Jewish) who go to him when they walk in they're like "hello gorgeous!" (to the dentist!)
it's so weird. that's much more inappropriate in my eyes. and he's married and many of them must be too
but hey I guess to many people that kind of behaviour is considered ok

Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8963

Senior Member Joined: Nov 17 2009 Posts: 144

I would not go back to him. I dobt care if hes secular or not jewish at all (and I would be even more upset if hes frum!) this isnt a bar! Its a medical office your a patient, wheres the level of respect ? Not appropriate at all! He should of told yoy he doesnt think its necessary to "fix" but these are your options and that he suggest you think them over because tp him it seemes unnecessary. Why does he need to tell you your pretty or zexy? Even saying youre pretty would be inappropirate imo.