Im doing mommy camp and I hate it!

My husband wouldn't let me pay for camp (we thank GD do have the fuinds though) and I'm doing mommy camp. My kids are being awful and I keep losing my temper. They don't listen; I cant drive to go anywhere. They won't stick to a schedule and need a bit more structure than I can give them. HELP! How do I manage and keep my sanity and take care of my kids?

Gold Member Joined: Jan 12 2010 Posts: 2272 Location: US

Camp mommy is not for everyone. Do you think you can get them in somewhere for 2nd half if you call today? If you have the funds, this should be a decision between you and your husband, and your input should count strongly if you are the one staying home with them and not him.

As for coping - maybe you can try to find ways to make life easier - buy take out suppers, paper plates, or extra cleaning help. It might cost more, but you are anyway not paying for camp. And if it's important to you husband to keep them home, is he able to pitch in with more chores?

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 12 2010 Posts: 5786

If you are not coping then it is not for you. Its not a bad thing not to be able to do mommy camp. Its like working, its hard. Plus its your own kids so they take advantage.

If you have the funds and you are just not coping otherwise, speak to dh and see if you can get them in somewhere for the second half. One half is not so expensive as the whole summer.
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Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13192

Is it all or nothing? Can you send them for a week or two?
Can you use funds to get cleaning help, do fun things that cost (but still, if amortizing camp cost less than a day or week at camp)?
Why doesn't your husband want to spend the money on camp? Is he trying to save? Doesn't like the local options? Other?
You don't have to love every minute but you should be happy too.
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The righteous praise and honor people for every good quality that is found in them while the wicked seek out faults in others to pull them down, even if they repented those deeds. (Rabbeinu Yonah, from Partners in Kindness)

Gold Member Joined: Apr 19 2012 Posts: 1609

I would hate it too!! See if you can enroll them somewhere ASAP!!

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 11 2010 Posts: 3074

I hear you. I did it for 4 weeks (my second year) and it was a full-time job. I couldn't think of undertaking it for an entire summer, so we initially planned on only first half. Now they're in day camp b"h.

I think you're amazing that you lasted this long--and without a car, too! Definitely put some of them in camp, especially if you have the money.

Gold Member Joined: Mar 23 2005 Posts: 1737

I find that it is helpful even if one child goes to camp at a time. It changes the family dynamic and is usually easier to handle. It also provides some household structure. I don't know the reason dh doesn't want your kids to go to camp, but maybe it would work to send a different kid each week.

OP: He expects that if Im their mother then I should be able to watch and entertain a 5 yr old boy, 3 yr old boy and 1 yr old girl

Executive Member Joined: Dec 03 2011 Posts: 272

There should be a thread for homecamped mothers. Its really a skill to entertain the kids and get housework done. I never did it the whole summer. I did it for part of the summer. See if there are other things they can do like swimming lessons. Maybe see if you can put your harder kids into to camp. Its possible to switch sessions. Some go to camp this session or year and some go next session or year. Everything becomes a camp activity.

This year only my 12 year old son was left at home for half the summer. We went to museums and parks. We also baked and shopped for overnight camp. It was a real bonding experience. I've done it for many years with all different aged children. I think this is my last year though. Next year he'll probably go to camp for the whole summer.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13192

Gold Member Joined: Mar 23 2007 Posts: 1877 Location: NY

In theory you can do it, whether you enjoy it and are good at it is a different story. So be open with him and see what he says. A 3 yr old and a 1 yr old don't need camp but maybe just sending the 5 yr old would help. Also, does the 3 yr old nap? Because if the younger two napped at the same time, with the 5 yr old gone, then you would get a break every day. Or maybe hire a teenager to take the 5 yr old out for a couple hrs during naptime.
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I'm not the popular Mama Bear. I'm "the other one."

Active Poster Joined: May 08 2012 Posts: 49

im doing "mommy camp" too and I feel for you op
its not easy and I hate it most of the time
luckily we'll be going away for august
but as of now theyre spending too much time in front of the screen
I had all kinds of plans but implementing them is another story...
I will definitely rethink this plan next summer

Gold Member Joined: Feb 13 2007 Posts: 1263

Kids are happier with a consistent schedule so they know what to expect. Have set times for breakfast, davening, play, lunch, nap, play, supper....

In my experience, kids like getting out the door early. The weather's cooler then too. Even if you just plan on taking a walk, it's nice to get everyone aired out early in the day. They play more nicely that way. They get frustrated waiting hours to get dressed, get out the door...time drags for them and they get antsy.

Plan simple activities that are fun for each of them on their level. Like the kiddie pool, sand, etc.

Start finishing up an activity while they're still interested in it. If you wait until they've lost interest, that's when you'll see misbehaving.

Give a reward to each child who naps nicely, or at least stays in bed resting quietly until the timer goes. You need this sanity time!

Don't have huge expectations of yourself. You don't have to be Super Mommy. You can sit there with a book while they're playing.

Also, everyone behaves better when Mommy is happy. Smile, genuinely enjoy them, laugh. You'll see results immediately.

Plan playdates with other mothers in your situation. Or even just having one friend over (especially for the 5 year old) will change the dynamics of the house and give them a bit of excitement.

Take away 2/3 of their toys while they're sleeping tonight, and get in the habit of rotating toys. Every week take away the old ones, introduce ones that were put away for a while.

Let them take the cushions off the couch and build a fort. Let them use sheets and chairs to make a castle. Etc.

Have daily cuddle time.

Read to them.

Draw "pictures" on their back and see if they can guess what you drew.

Play bad dog and chase them. Then let them chase you.

There are so many fun things to do! Hatzlacha OP!

Moderator Joined: Dec 18 2008 Posts: 3612

I agree that a schedule is good, but it doesn't have to be rigid, especially with a few young kids of different ages. I hang up a schedule but leave the times open, like this:
Get dressed
Daven
Eat breakfast
Go to nearby park/playground
Story
creative activity (e.g. fuse beads, modeling clay, painting what they made out of modeling clay the previous day, making a sukkah decoration, etc.)
Lunch

Afternoons are free play. When it's not the 9 Days, making a kiddie pool is a great activity.
Some "me time" for mommy is good, too.
Good luck!
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איזהו עשיר השמח בחלקו ... אבות ד א

Silver Member Joined: Feb 09 2009 Posts: 532

Hi, I also have my kids home this summer, they're 4.5 and 2.
We go out every morning after davening ,
sprinklers, playground ,library,, once a week we do a trip, children's museum, zoo...
and then we do an activity after lunch.
They also play together a lot, read books , bake, make a&c,
play outside.we clean up, prep. Supper together...
Bh, its working out!!

Good luck, try having a schedule so the kids don't get bored!!

Senior Member Joined: Feb 28 2010 Posts: 217

I also have the kids home, but 'only' for 3 weeks. They are going to daycamp for the other 2.

Truth is, I am petrified of being with 5 kids (ages 2 mos to 10 yrs) all day, having to entertain them and cook/clean too. I'm not very good at doing creative stuff with them, in fact I'm not creative at all. I hate doing A & C with them and am not good at making up games either. I feel so guilty about this.

I will probably end up taking them on alot of trips to the park, library and museums. Will also do beach trips and amusement park. I prefer going out with them than staying in.

I think the main thing is that you want to have to do it.

You have to want to spend an endless amount of time with your kids and just being mommy. no social visits, no housework etc....

I find that when I wake up in the morning and feel like I just want to have fun with my kids and that's my only goal - mommy camp is a dream.

When I wake up feeling I need time to myself, or I must do x amount of house work, mommy camp is all the more difficult.

I think a basic schedule everyday is important because, your kids need a bit of structure.

Also, I find that letting some things go, including behaviour, makes it more fun and keeps me relaxed.

A pre-teen or teen girl (or girls) may be able to give you some relief. There's nothing my 12-y.o. step-daughter loves more than being a mother's helper or babysitter. Plus, she gets school credit for "chesed" activities in addition to some pay.

Even if you only have the helper for an hour, that's one less kid to split your attention. She could do appropriate activities with the 3-year old while you give qual time to the 5-year old, for example.

Call your friends with older girls. Some girls starting at age 9 are mature and responsible enough to supervise/entertain a small one. Of course, an older helper can take the child off premises.

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"Happiness is a choice." Who is fortunate? HaSameach b'chelko: He who is happy with his lot.