Questions about toilet training

Posted: Sat, Jun 23 2012, 11:34 pm Post subject: Questions about toilet training

I have tried to toilet train my dd who is going to be 3 soon but I haven't been successful yet. Either I have no idea what I'm doing (I certainly feel that way, its my first time doing this) or she is not ready, or a combination of both. I know I'm not supposed to compare, but I can't help it when I see boys who are younger then her and they are fully toilet trained. It makes me feel like I'm an inadequate Mom, because if a boy (who is in general harder to train, from what I hear) can be trained before her, then why is it taking her so long? Also, is it bad if I wait until she's 3 to train her? Will it go faster at that age? From all the books and articles I've read, she displays all the signs of being ready, but when I actually tried to train her a few diff times, she either doesn't get it or doesn't care enough to go on the toilet when she feels she has to. When she made in the toilet, she got very excited, but pooping or peeing in her underwear doesn't really bother her at all. So putting her in underwear didn't motivate her enough to learn her body signals and go on the toilet. She did start using the potty (to pee) some mornings before going to daycare, and she was excited about it but it never carried through the rest of the day. Anyways, my point is that I just need reassurance about this whole toilet training thing because lately I feel like she's never gona learn to use the toilet and honestly I'm getting a little sick of changing her diapers. I know each child is ready at a different age blah blah blah but I feel kind of guilty for having an almost 3 year old girl who is still in diapers, is there something wrong with me? How do I get her to use the toilet? aahhh thank you for reading this, I look forward to ur responses.

bump, any advice for me?? Sad

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7638

How many consecutive days did you try previously? What was her reward for using the toilet? Did you take her on a schedule- remind her- ask if she needed the bathroom- or allow her to initiative on her own?

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7638

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with a child turning three before she is trained Smile

Some kids are ready earlier, and some parents just force it earlier.

When you do decide to try again, I would recommend giving it more time. Three days is not long enough for her to learn her body's signals and develop the necessary awareness to catch herself before she starts going- even if she is truly ready. I know those days are long, but try to be patient and give her more time.

One more thing- are those candies she gets fairly often, or are they a super special treat? Sometimes it helps if your motivator is really great.

Active Poster Joined: Dec 05 2011 Posts: 62

I have a few tips/suggestions, but in the interest of full disclosure I should let you know that I have only toilet trained one child, and it was a boy. I trained him a few months before his third birthday and I did it over a weekend.

Anyway, here's my two cents:
-for right now put dd in diapers. Stop putting her on the potty. Only attempt to train her when you can make some time for it.
- Take dd to a store and have her choose the underpants.Make a big deal about being able to wear underpants, but DO NOT let her wear them. The underwear can be a great motivator. You can show them to her throughout the training process and tell her she will be able to wear them when you see she is really trained and can keep them clean and dry. (Allow her to wear them when you see she is pretty much trained, hopefully after a few days.)
- Set aside a few days where the two of you will be home (weekends are usually convenient) the entire time.
- when you are ready to train, dress dd in nothing but an oversized t-shirt, no diaper no underpants for the whole day. I felt a bit odd doing this, but it really helped.
- Put dd on the potty very often for the first day, even if she does not say she needs to go. After that, keep reminding her to go. Most kids don't like interrupting their play to get up and use the toilet.
- offer a small reward each time she is successful - a sticker, a few jelly beans, whatever. Also make a big deal and tell her how proud you are. Make sure the reward is the same small item each time, you will probably be goving her lots of them for about a week, until she forgets to ask when you don't automatically give.
- Make sure you are being matter of fact about any accidents that might occur. They just get cleaned up, and remind her to try to make it to the toilet next time.
- Some children feel more secure on a child sized potty with their feet planted firmly on the ground instead of dangling in midair while they seat on the toilet. An actual potty will be needed until they are very comfortable with the whole process.
- hang in there, toilet training is not fun, but you will be so relieved once it is over!
- if all else fails, you can just stop and repeat the process in a few weeks; hopefully she will be ready then. According to my pediatrician, only 50% of children are trained by their third birthday.