Just found out about child molster. Need advice asap

What city do you live in?

Executive Member Joined: Mar 09 2012 Posts: 373

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5894

All I can say is that if I were a parent of a child in this class I would definitely want to know about this, not so I could judge or hock or anything but so that I could make sure to look out for my child (e.g. not let them near the offender.)

I don't need evidence that the man is currently an offender. I am familiar with the laws of LH and while I am not permitted to think/believe that he is currently sinning I am definitely permitted to take precautions when something so serious is at stake.

No, I don't trust the legal system's judgment of whether the man is safe to be let out or not. They are no doubt bound by rules and red tape and would have to let him out at the designated time even if they're not quite sure he's reformed.

I would bend over backward to be nice to the offender's kid because who knows what he's going through either directly from the offender or from the effect on the family's reputation from people who are not careful enough about taking their precautions subtly. I would invite him to play with my kid and serve them ice cream. But I would not leave them alone and I would not send my kid to their house. You don't have to be mean but you can't be too careful.

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7675

Yael3, what is your degree?

Executive Member Joined: Mar 09 2012 Posts: 373

Last edited by chani8 on Thu, Jun 14 2012, 1:39 pm; edited 1 time in total

The only thing that being let out of jail tells us is that the man has served his required amount of jail time.

We can be hopeful that he made tshuva. But we can't rely on that hope.

Regarding LH, the toeles is very clear that the community must be made aware that he is now out of jail and amongst them, because in this specific issue, recidivism is very high, meaning they are more likely to reoffend, than not.

Wait a second. OP said zex offender. I was assuming this meant pedophile. Do we know whether he is a child zex offender?

As for the wife, that is her choice to stay married, and who are we to judge her?

No matter, I don't think any child should be allowed to play at their home. It is likely that would be a violation of his parole anyway if he was convicted of child endangerment.

The child should not suffer one bit, however, for what his father has done. Only, I personally would not let this boy play with mine unsupervised unless I could be sure that he was not an untreated victim himself.

I am a child of a registered offender and a mother of children now. It's not fair to treat the child different and label him/her for the parent's crime. However, parents need to know that their children cannot go to that house and the school cannot allow the parent near their premises. Period.

Yael, honestly, I don't want to continue reading your posts, it just makes me angry. But, the other side of me is calming me down with the reasoning that many people simply have no clue how molesters' minds work. That man is out of jail because the they cannot keep him longer than his sentencing. That's how this system works. If he re-offends they will put him back behind bars. The statistics out there is very high for re-offenses.
Molesters cannot be healed, but if in therapy for life , they can be controlled.

I don't think I will come back to see if you responded to my post. I am simply not going to let myself get dragged down from these comments "he did teshuvah (according to the halachos of teshuvah, its not just I'm sorry), he won't do it again... he didn't mean to do it... it's not so bad..." I didn't read your last post completely to quote more.

I had enough of my share to listen to those words of denial and cover up that kills our children and brings shame to our community.

My pre-school daughter was in a class with a registered molester's child. At first I was very shocked. In no way did I think that poor child was to blame. She was so cute and seemed a little bit sad in a way. Her father (and this might be the same family) was serving a jail sentence at the time.

It's really hard because I think the school did not know how to eat it. They were horrified in a way and maybe saw the children as 'damaged'. In any case my daughter took a liking to this child and played with her a lot in school. I would never ever allow her to go over etc.

Honestly these stories make me sick to my stomach. The fact that the father is a molester, the decision to stay married to him and be in denial about that.....It's hard to see it in real life. And yes I know it is totally not my place to judge. It's not about judging. It's just a visceral response to a crazy situation.

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7675

Active Poster Joined: Jun 01 2012 Age: 27 Posts: 54

you are all very heartless. as jews we have an obligation to treat someone as innocent FIND FAVOR, make sure you are judging fairly. even if the secular court found him guilty...we do not know if he is guilty. there are SO MANY situations when they are we are wrong.

This poor child did NOTHING. to tell the entire class, black list this child? do you not know what the yeshiva system does to someone with a sibling with a disease let alone a parent with such a severe situation....friends they will NOT have...and when they get to shidduchim??? I have a friend who is 34 a single because of something her father may or may not have done around 33 years ago...

think before you act and know that if god forbid you had a "dirty little secret"....you would want someone to protect your child!!!

Active Poster Joined: Nov 15 2011 Posts: 37

actually in a case where a person repeatedly does the same aveira you no longer need to dan le kaf zechus. It is considered a foolish person to do so.

Active Poster Joined: Nov 15 2011 Posts: 37

please answer- what city???

there are a few mothers who are getting nervous

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7675

Gold Member Joined: Nov 22 2006 Posts: 1733

We are not blacklisting the boy, we are protecting our sons. If my son wants to b friends.w this boy no problem he's more than invited to.my house to play but I will never send him to.that house. It is my job as a parent to protect my kids as best as I can, sending my son to a house where a pedophiles lives is negligence. Would u send ur son into a burning building? Same thing . I am not planning on.telling my son not to h friends w him but I will not stand by and put my son in a place where he can easily be victimized

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 11 2010 Posts: 3094

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 11 2010 Posts: 3094