Do you allow others into your master bedroom?

Silver Member Joined: Nov 04 2010 Posts: 897

Reading a comment on the thread about wedding pictures ( http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....mp;start=0) got me thinking:

Do you allow visitors into your master bedroom?

I grew up I'm a home where the master bedroom was something like the family room. It was the best place to hang out and you were sure to always find good company there.

My husband, though, was appalled when I showed my mother how we had set up our bedroom. His parents bedroom door is always locked and no one but his parents enter. I think it was our first fight Smile

I can understand both perspectives. on the one hand, the MB is a very private place yet its also a center of activity many times for the whole family.
I would love to be able to keep my bedroom a private thing in the future, but with older kids and lil kids it can be tough.
I think it should definately have some boundries. like no entering without knocking. and no kids friends allowed inside. and if one of the kids need something from the room they should ask if they can go look for it there or if the parent would prefer to look for it themselves...

Silver Member Joined: Jul 24 2007 Posts: 763

Mostly depneds on the mess factor but for the most part I don't mind anyone seeing my room and would bring freinds in to show them stuff

Senior Member Joined: Feb 15 2011 Posts: 109

My dh grew up in a home where the master bedroom was off limits to everyone except his parents. He is therefore very strict about keeping the master bedroom private. It ends up that I can never offer to give out my apt to anyone when we go away for Shabbos because he doesnt want strangers to use the one and only bedroom in the house.

Gold Member Joined: Jul 30 2009 Posts: 1704

My sisters and I were playing Taboo against DH, his brothers and my brother on chol hamo'ed one year (I'm one of 4 girls in a row before there's a boy, DH is one of 3 boys), and my team's word was "Grand Central Station".

My sister, who was holding the card, only had to say 4 words for our ENTIRE time to get the right answer instantly -- "Ema and Aba's bedroom!!"

Very Happy

So there's your answer.

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Well, at least that's how I grew up, and as a kid, I loooved it. It probably also helped that my parents were dedicated co-sleepers, and I remember sleeping in their bed (or at least their room -- at various points growing up, there was also a little couch in there) almost nightly until I was 8. On motzei Shabbos, my siblings, parents and I would pile into the bed like a bunch of puppies and watch a movie together, and on hot Shabbos afternoons, that was the coldest room in the house, so we'd all migrate there for naps, reading and schmoozing. So that's what normal for me.

DH grew up in a very different kind of family, and wants the master bedroom to be a more private space for just the two of us. We'll have to see how we compromise and find our derech as our toddler gets older.

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ETA: Upon reflection, I want to clarify that my parents' master bedroom was still a family-only space. Occasionally my mother's sisters or friends would come in for a few minutes, or a babysitter would sit with us while we watched a video before bed when my parents were out, but the master bedroom was certainly much more private than the living room.
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Diamond Member Joined: Oct 25 2007 Posts: 4863

The kids sometimes hang out with us in the Master Bedroom but cannot go in without us. (although they do sometimes.) Other People sometimes come in to see something on the computer.

I don't let non family members in but my kids can come in if necessary.

My house is often like grand central so I like knowing that this space is only for us.

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 12057

My kids can come in if they knock.

Gold Member Joined: Feb 08 2012 Posts: 1042 Location: USA

when I was newly married , dh brought his younger (single) brother who was in his early twenties into our bedroom to use the pc. I went through the roof, I was so angry with dh. I still think it was inappropriate! dh just did not get it!

I just envisioned Downtown Abbey. Razz

Yes, people can come in our bedroom, kids too, but everyone needs permission/knocking.
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Silver Member Joined: Feb 09 2009 Posts: 793

Bedroom is off limit, never show it to anyone, it's our private space.... My parents and one of my sibling got soooooooo offended and never respect Ted our wishes to be a private room ( both my mom and sister went into my room when I was not there! Shocked

)
Only our kids are allowed in our bedroom when the knock

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7675

I have no problem with the kids hanging out in my room, but no one else really gets invited in there. Partly because I'm not as on top of the clutter there, and partly for reasons related to privacy.

Silver Member Joined: Nov 04 2010 Posts: 897

Gold Member Joined: Jun 29 2011 Posts: 1210

I generally dont want anyone in my master bedroom except my kids since I sometimes have things laying around there that I wouldnt want pple seeing. My kids are still very young so it doesnt matter if they see, but once they get older I will have to be more careful about putting certain things away, out of sight.
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Active Poster Joined: Mar 12 2012 Posts: 27

this is an ongoing discussion between me and my dh I feel it should not be grand central station and that no one belongs in our room besides us, he feel differently..... he set up the xbox kinect in our room so my kids play there and when he has friends over they play there to.... it bothers me alot!!!!

Senior Member Joined: Oct 17 2011 Posts: 231

this is such a funny thread... my kallah teacher told me that even your children should NEVER go in your bedroom, and you should keep the door locked at all times, and I replied to her, "what's the point of having children if they don't climb into bed with you in the morning?"

let's just say that this point was the least of our hashkafic differences, and eventually I started popping into a nearby bar on my way to our meetings... I would ask for a vodka tonic and a glass of water, drink one after the other, and be on my way.

going to her instead of someone else was also the last decision I let my MIL make for me...

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48159

I took a friend in today !

Silver Member Joined: Jun 21 2010 Posts: 827

My kids are little so I'm starting to teach them to knock before they come in but they're definitely allowed to come in. They love to go play with my shoes but I limit it to when I'm in the room with them not for general play. I showed my room to my family and dh's family when we moved but after that it's basically only for me dh and my kids.
Our parents bedrooms are both pretty much the same, open to kids not so much to outsiders.
If I have an infant sleeping in my room than it's open to babysitters who need to put the baby to sleep but those times are annoying for me as I constantly need to remember to keep anything private put away.

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7675