Just found out DS, 17, has been lying to me and to yeshiva!

He told me that school was canceled for the afternoon because everyone was too tired from traveling and from Shavuos. He told school that he wasn't feeling well.

I don't think this is the first time, either. I took him back to school, and told him that we would talk later, so I don't know for sure, but he has told me about a lot of times that there is no class. The school hasn't been really good at communicating, so I believed him. For some reason, this time, I just was concerned and called the school to check up and found that the story wasn't true.

He has ADHD. I know he hasn't been 100% comfortable at his yeshiva, but we have discussed it and listened hard to him, and all agreed it was the best option for him.

I think the consequence will be that I check up on him every day to be sure he is there, and that he is not allowed anywhere without supervision for a while.

I don't know what I'm looking for. Chizuk, maybe, and if anyone else has been through this, so I don't feel so alone and upset right now. Advice, if anyone has it.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 27 2006 Age: 30 Posts: 2549

a school I once worked at had a rule that if a kid didn't show up one day they would call the parents to check the reason and if its an excused absence (ie dr appt, sick, family trip, whatever). same if a student wanted to leave early. this rule applied to every student.

perhaps ask your son's school to implement the same with you, call you if he says he's not feeling well. also if your son ever tells you school is off or done early, call the school to double check. maybe if he knows you check things out he won't be so quick to lie about this...

Suggestion: Print out or get a copy of the school calendar. Post it on your refrigerator or wherever. Mystery solved...

I think part of it is normal teenage years--challenging authority, testing limits, etc. But ADHD does not make for a poor attendance case nor a liar! If I were you, continue to investigate if there is something serious at school that is serving as a roadblock to his desired attendance (you know, something beyond the desire to go for pizza w/ his friends during math class).

Executive Member Joined: Aug 09 2011 Posts: 313

reading all these posts is making me think he'll skip school and not come home, as in hang out at pizza store etc. that can make things allot worse.
I think you should discuss this with him and his school as to WHY he's doing it and then work according to that.
Good Luck!

Executive Member Joined: Jun 26 2010 Posts: 364

Sorry! Just wanted to make sure you covered the basics first...

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 27 2005 Posts: 6798

I dont think there should be a consequence, and I mean this very seriously, because it will make whatever is going on worse.

I think you should be concerned with what is going on with your ds. Why is he feeling the need to skip? why does he feel he needs to lie to his mother and feels he cant talk about what he is feeling? I think you can help him problem solve by giving guidance.